(no subject)
I have seen 'The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King' so many times I can almost quote it as I watch, but it still gets to me. Even though I know that Gollum turns Frodo against Sam, I still call Gollum names. Even though I know Frodo sends Sam away, I still want to comfort Sam. Even though I know Aragorn tells Eowyn "I cannot give you what you seek", I still feel for her. Even though I know that Aragorn will take the reforged sword offered by Elrond and become the leader he was born to be, I still shout "HOORAY FOR ARAGORN!!" Even though I know Legolas will climb onto the ollivant, kill all the baddies, and as the ollivant goes crashing to the ground, he will slide down its trunk and land gracefully on terra firma, I still leap out of my chair (not literally!) and cheer. Even though I know that Sam carries Frodo up the mountain; that Theodin dies in Eowyn's arms; that Frodo refuses to throw the Ring into the fires of Mount Doom; that Aragorn, Merry, Pippin, Gandalf, Legolas, Gimli and Eomer lead the charge against the armies of Mordor to give Frodo a chance; that Gollum finally feels happiness moments before he dies; that Aragorn is crowned King of Gondor; that Frodo cannot stay in the Shire, and leaves with the Elves, Gandalf and Bilbo to go to the Grey Havens....I still cry.
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This morning, after I'd turned the water off in the shower, a song by the singer from System of a Down came on Triple J, and immediately David Wilkinson came to mind. All I could think was "I regret everything". I had so many opportunities, and I wasted and ignored them all. At the time, he was a big fan of System of a Down - always trying to get me to listen to them. I really didn't like them, even though I tried to. He would have been my first EVERYTHING, if I hadn't played freezing cold ice queen. It was such a turbulent time though - half-way through ARCH and hardcore therapy, him at the end of his ARCH stint....I was so fucked up back then. But what shits me is that I'd probably do the same thing now, if faced with the same situation. David ASKED me if he could kiss me. He ASKED ME while sitting on the steps of ARCH! And I said NO! It was too soon for me, apparently. I was 19 years old. Oh my god. He was so fantastic. I was such a TOOL!!!! Why why WHY?? For fuck's sake. He was PERFECT! Knew all my shittiness and still liked me! WHY DID I LET HIM GO?? WHY HAVE I NOT LEARNT FROM MY MISTAKES? Jesus christ.
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This morning, after I'd turned the water off in the shower, a song by the singer from System of a Down came on Triple J, and immediately David Wilkinson came to mind. All I could think was "I regret everything". I had so many opportunities, and I wasted and ignored them all. At the time, he was a big fan of System of a Down - always trying to get me to listen to them. I really didn't like them, even though I tried to. He would have been my first EVERYTHING, if I hadn't played freezing cold ice queen. It was such a turbulent time though - half-way through ARCH and hardcore therapy, him at the end of his ARCH stint....I was so fucked up back then. But what shits me is that I'd probably do the same thing now, if faced with the same situation. David ASKED me if he could kiss me. He ASKED ME while sitting on the steps of ARCH! And I said NO! It was too soon for me, apparently. I was 19 years old. Oh my god. He was so fantastic. I was such a TOOL!!!! Why why WHY?? For fuck's sake. He was PERFECT! Knew all my shittiness and still liked me! WHY DID I LET HIM GO?? WHY HAVE I NOT LEARNT FROM MY MISTAKES? Jesus christ.