Funque.
School: Last term; I already have a bad case of "not into it at all" and it's only the 2nd week. 'Not into my classmates - I have a bad attitude about the majority of them (my own judgemental fault, I am sure); not into my coursework. 'Pissed off at my preceptors - I do not have their experience, years of knowledge, or perspective on what I am doing. I did CNM school because I wanted a career that wouldn't drive me apeshit, and that would allow me a slightly less impoverished lifestyle than the one I grew up in. I am having tremendous angst about The Job once I graduate.
Personal life: I am seeing a fertility specialist at a local women's clinic next Thursday to discuss artificial insemination. I am not emotionally ready to give up on my reproductive potential. I still want to try to be a mother of my own body. I struggle with a sense of failure because I have no partner, but, so far, I am unwilling to allow the lack of a partner to stop me from trying this. We'll see how it goes - my eggs are now 'very old,' and I had fibroids removed in 2005 that disfigured the lining of my uterus. I am dubious about my ability to get pregnant.
I need a fucking drink.