Peter Pan
how do you start something like this?
at times like htis, i know and i realise everything that i want and everything that we are not and probably can never be.
i need someone who'd know what to do to lift me up, to bring me to new heights, to realise that the trick is to believe that you'll never really have me completely and to just keep surprising me. i need them to encourage me and push me to do things i dont believe i can even though i have all of the potential. i want someone to dream with me, to love with me, to see the beauty in everything with me.
you, you see the worst in everything, you have the same problems over and over and over, and im sick and tired of listening to the same things. i know i have that problem too, that i'm always so stuck in my saddness, my purposelessness, but i am starting to think that you have become one of those things that i am stuck in again. i dont want to feel like cra and think of your embrace and crave it, thinking that it will help me. chances are, it's only a 50/50 that you'd help me. the odds are higher now than they were before - im not sure why, maybe you've changed and picked your game up, maybe it's just that you've grown up, or maybe its just that you really, really dont have me this time. i dont know. i dont know what it is, but i dont want to have to rely on your embrace to make me feel better.
i know this is only because im so scared, im so scared that i wont be able to make it on my own without you if i get too comfortable. is that unfair? perhaps it is, but what happens when i let you in enough to need you and then everything falls apart? i almost did back there for a bit, and then, you left, which i dont blame you for, but it happened and i know that we can't. we wont make it together.
you're fireless, and i am made of passion.
i see all these things when i'm away form you, but as soon as i get close again, everything disappears, all these doubts, these realisations, they're gone. And i fall into you again. it's got to mean something right? or is it just a human effect? familarity, lust, need for companionship? am i drawn to you because i am in love with you, or am i drawn to you because right now, i have no one else?
perhaps, i just dont have that on everpresent friend/person to talk to anymore, and i just can't deal with that.