The Obligatory Hot Springs Episode [Morishita group, Touya group; PG-13]
Title: The Obligatory Hot Springs Episode
Authors: chaineddove & umarekawareru
Fandom: Hikaru no Go
Rating: PG-13 (for language and also Ogata naked in a hot spring with young boys... come on now)
Genre: Crack
Pairing: The Morishita goup and the Touya group, no real pairings
Wordcount: 3,802
Disclaimer: It is probably fortunate for fandom that we do not own Hikago, as we might be liable to make it explode with an excess of crack.
Authors' Notes: umarekawareru: It is quite amazing how inspiring Waya torture can be. Personally, I've never been to the hot springs, but I have played ping pong, and just in case you were wondering, yes, the ping pong scene is based on my personal experience. (See: ball bounces right off the table up toward the electric fan which sends it flying to the opposite corner of the room.) This was a blast to write, hopefully you'll enjoy it as well.
chaineddove: I, on the other hand, have been to my fair share of hot springs, several of which were of the clothing optional variety (I can't really say I haven't attempted ping pong, but I'm so bad it amounts to the same thing). Clearly, our combined experiences as well as a slew of cliches (including but not limited to: Ogata pervs on young boys, Waya is jealous of everyone, Morishita-sensei orders his students to beat the Touyas OR DIE TRYING, and Hikaru somehow finds the time to tell Akira about Sai - offscreen, at that) and a smattering of people with names out Japanese 101 books (they never got names in canon, in our defense) can only lead to win. As is evidenced below. Enjoy~!
***
At the time, it had all seemed like an amazing chance to get on Morishita-sensei’s good side.
It had all started because Sensei found out that the Touya school was going on a retreat to the hot springs and, in true spirit of the Morishita school, had declared that they would not be outdone. Waya had immediately volunteered to organize a similar trip for the Morishita school, because Shigeko had been dropping hints that she wouldn’t mind him taking her out for cake even when he hadn’t won anything recently, and, seeing as he was no closer to beating Touya Junior than he had been when he turned pro, this whole situation seemed like his best chance to get Morishita-sensei in a good mood.
Accordingly, he had spent an entire Saturday morning checking out different resorts online and comparing the prices, accessibility and facilities of each one, and finally booked rooms at the only resort that fully received Morishita-sensei’s approval. Proud of his newly-discovered event-planning skills, he had dropped by Shindou’s place to brag. That was about the time the whole thing went to hell.
“This resort,” Shindou said. “I’ve seen it before.”
“Maybe you’ve been there before. It’s pretty popular, apparently,” Waya said, rolling his eyes. “What does it matter?”
“I’m pretty sure I haven’t been there, Waya; this is totally for rich people,” Shindou replied, squinting at the picture of the main lobby. Waya barely managed to hold back a retort that, last time he checked, Shindou was rich, damn him, and if he were a nicer guy, he might consider losing once in awhile so someone else could get a few scraps.
“What do you think, Touya?” Shindou asked as Touya came into the living room with a tea tray. “Have you dragged me here, or something, and I just don’t remember?”
“I think you’re an idiot,” Touya said, shaking his head. “No, I have never dragged you there, and yes, of course you’ve seen it before. You were there when I was looking at their website, weren’t you? You helped me make the reservations.”
“Oh, right,” Shindou nodded. “So that’s why it looked familiar.”
“This time, while I’m gone, please try not to let the plants die,” Touya said.
Ominous silence settled over the flat. Shindou’s eyes bugged out. Only Touya seemed oblivious to the atmosphere of impending doom.
“Oh my god, Waya,” Shindou finally managed, “please tell me this isn’t where we’re going for next week’s trip.”
**
“I called the resort this morning,” Waya announced darkly over lunch at McDonald’s. “They told me they won’t refund our money if we cancel the trip now. So the Morishita school is going to the same hot springs resort as the Touya school, and I’m going to die.”
It really sounded a lot scarier when he said it out loud. Shindou and Saeki exchanged trepidant looks.
“It might not be so bad?” Saeki said hopefully. It sounded more like a question than a statement.
“This is kind of like that dream you have the night before a big match,” Waya said. “You know, the one where you get there and realize you’ve forgotten how to play go.”
Saeki winced and nodded sympathetically. “I hate that.”
“And you’re naked and the stupid recorder won’t even give you a damn tea towel to cover yourself,” Waya continued. Silence from the peanut gallery. “Yes,” he said, warming to the analogy, “kind of like that, only worse.”
Shindou, apparently, failed to feel anything but amusement about the whole thing. “Yeah, man,” he said with an evil glint in his eye. “This is going to be way worse than a tea towel. This is Morishita-sensei we’re talking about here! He’s going to lose it.”
“Morishita-sensei whose daughter will forever be off-bounds to you after this fiasco,” Saeki added unhelpfully.
Waya groaned and buried his face in his hands. A girl walking by their table gave him a weird look, although Waya found that, in the face of impending death, what random people thought of him ranked very low on his list of concerns.
“More importantly,” continued Shindou, munching on his French fries, “did you ask if there’s a ping-pong table? It’s not a trip to the hot springs if there’s no ping-pong, man.”
Waya stared incredulously. “I’m about to suffer a fate worse than death at Morishita-sensei’s hands and all you care about is ping-pong?” Then he added, just to make sure, “You do know you’re supposed to be my friends, right?”
“Your demise is inevitable,” said Shindou, waggling a finger philosophically. “You would do well to spend what’s left of your life having happy thoughts. Live a little, won’t you?”
“And no trip to the hot springs is complete without ping-pong,” Saeki agreed. “By the way, I’m going to the Institute tomorrow to have a look at the Ouza semi-finals. Wanna tag along?”
“I need new friends,” Waya said, shaking his head.
**
Waya had stopped biting his nails years ago, when a girl he liked in his class said it was rude, but this week had been stressful enough to force a relapse. After all, he would much rather be rude than be dead, though it seemed to him he wouldn’t have much of a choice in the matter when Morishita-sensei found out about his blunder. Deciding drastic action needed to be taken, Waya fished his cell phone out of his pocket and called Saeki’s number.
“Saeki here.”
“Um, Saeki, about tomorrow, I don’t think I can go,” said Waya, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.
“How come?” Saeki asked, sounding taken aback. “Has your execution been rescheduled for tomorrow or what? I thought you still had a week to live.”
Waya tried to keep the hysterical laughter at bay. “Well, actually, after I left you guys I went to Morishita-sensei’s house and tried to explain the situation to him vaguely enough that he might consider letting me live,” he explained, “but it didn’t work. So I’ve decided to leave the country before he figures it out. I got a pamphlet about the Bahamas in the mail and, well, it doesn’t look too bad. Do you think that’s far enough from Japan?”
“Honestly?” Saeki replied. “When he realizes you ran away, nowhere you go will ever be far enough.”
“I’m so screwed, Saeki-san.”
“Yeah, sorry,” Saeki said, sounding at least somewhat sympathetic. “You can’t run away from him, so are we still on for tomorrow? I’m meeting Shindou in the lobby at four. You should call Isumi-san too, and we can all go to that new ramen place in Dogenzaka afterward.” After a pause, he added, “It’ll be like your Last Supper, Waya.”
“I hate you all,” Waya retorted, and hung up.
**
Escape plans thwarted, there was no option but to go along for the ride. They had rented a minibus, which had turned out to be a little empty, as Shirakawa had broken his leg the night before, the lucky bastard, and was even now recuperating in the hospital, probably being waited on by cute nurses.
Right at that moment, Waya really, really hated Shirakawa.
“So, you know,” Saeki said, “I’m pretty proud of you. I mean, I didn’t really think you’d have the balls to see this through.”
“When I heard someone was in the hospital, I totally though it was you,” Shindou agreed. “I thought you’d taken the easy way out and jumped under a car, or something.”
“No, Shindou, I did not jump under a car,” Waya snarled.
“Probably because you didn’t think of it,” Shindou said with a snicker.
“Have I mentioned I hate you?” Waya asked.
“About fifteen times so far this morning,” Saeki said. “Anyway, Sensei seems to be taking things pretty well.”
All three of them swiveled their heads to regard their teacher, who was engrossed in a book of kifu. Tanaka and Shibuya were playing magnetic go across the seat behind him. He definitely didn’t look like a ticking time bomb. “I,” Waya said. “I, uh. Haven’t really told him yet.” They gaped at him like they had never seen him before. “Listen,” Waya hissed, “it’s not like there was a good moment to say, oh, hey, by the way! And then there was this bus and now we’re almost there and I don’t want to die, okay?”
“Smart,” Saeki said. “Public place. He can’t kill you in front of witnesses who don’t belong to the group.”
“Hey!” Waya protested. “What about you guys!? Wouldn’t you protect me!?”
“Man, you got into this yourself,” Shindou said. “You are so on your own.”
**
Waya would never have believed it before seeing it, but Morishita-sensei actually turned purple.
“Ah, Morishita-san,” Touya Kouyo said, smiling agreeably. “How nice to see you. This is such a lovely spot, isn’t it?” Morishita said nothing. “Are you all right? You look a bit…”
“Oh, don’t worry about him,” Saeki said, recovering his cool remarkably quickly when the curly-haired guy in the Touya group started giving him very interested looks. “Just carsick, you know. Long trip. Well, we’re so sorry, but I think we should…”
It took him three seconds flat to get everyone bundled into the lobby. Waya had never known the man could move so fast. “Guess Ashiwara’s still into you,” Shindou said. Saeki paled, which made Waya feel a little better, at least until he looked back at Sensei and realized he was rapidly approaching puce.
“Oh shit,” Waya said, “gotta go,” and ran like a little girl.
**
“Someone explain to me how this happened,” Waya said, stripping off his shirt resignedly. There was only so long he could linger before he had to go out to the hot spring and face the others, and his so-called friends seemed to be relishing his humiliation. “I mean, really. I don’t think any of us have any desire to get naked with members of the Touya group.”
Saeki laughed, then tried unsuccessfully to turn it into a cough. Shindou glared and threw his pants across the room. “Okay,” Waya said, “never mind. I meant most of us.”
“Nice save,” Saeki snickered.
“And by the way, this happened because you screwed up,” Shindou said, tossing his boxers to join the pants and wrapping a towel around his waist. “If we’re going to be technical about it.”
“What’s bugging you, anyway?” Waya demanded. “You’re basically the only one of us who’s safe at this point. I mean, Saeki-san has that… whatever going on…”
“I do not!” Saeki protested.
“Yeah, right, we all know you do. And I’m probably never going to see the light of day again as soon as Sensei corners me alone, but do you see me glaring? Come on, Shindou, lighten up. What, are you scared of daddy-in-law?” Waya taunted.
Shindou gave both of them his darkest look yet. “Yeah, keep laughing. If you’re not worried, you should be.”
“Oh, whatever, the water’s not transparent and it’s dark outside,” Waya said. “What could go wrong? I mean, witnesses.”
Shindou shook his head and said darkly, “Ogata.” That seemed to be all the explanation they were going to get, because he slid the door open and left.
**
Two hours later, Waya was cowering in a corner of the room he was sharing with Shindou with his fourth cup of sake and still feeling far too sober to deal with the horrifying events of the evening.
“Told you so,” Shindou said, and topped off his cup. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Waya shuddered and took a large gulp, enjoying the way it burned his throat on the way down. “What the hell, Shindou?”
“If it makes you feel better, I think he was aiming for Touya,” Shindou said. “I think it’s because he didn’t have his glasses.”
“That only makesyoufeel better,” Waya said.
Shindou considered it, then shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“I can’t believe I was groped by a man,” Waya shuddered. “An old one with a mobster’s taste in suits.” He set his sake cup aside. “I should be drunk, but it’s not helping.”
“Only one thing will help at this point,” Shindou said with a sage nod. “Come on, let’s go find that ping-pong table.”
“What?” Waya asked, getting up with a wobble.
“Leave it to me, Waya. Come on.” Shindou grinned. “Let’s get you some water. Then you can kick his ass.”
**
As it turned out, there was a ping-pong table. The paint had faded in places and one of the legs was a bit wonky, but closer inspection revealed that the table was indeed usable, much to Shindou and Saeki’s delight. It was also made apparent as the evening progressed that ping-pong was conductive to extreme competitiveness, and what had seemed like the usual banter between Shindou and Touya (“You’ve never played ping-pong? Seriously? Even my grandfather has played ping-pong, man.”) had quickly developed into an all-out war between the Morishita and Touya schools.
“Listen up, soldiers,” Shindou coached in self-important tones, signaling for Waya and company to walk over to where he stood. “This is the most important battle we’ve ever had to fight, so I hope you’re all geared up for it.”
“So er,” Shibuya interrupted, interjecting timidly, “why are we doing this again?”
“We’re going to defend our honor as students of the Morishita school, obviously,” Shindou replied, with a glint in his eye that could mean nothing but trouble. “Also because - as much as I hate to say this - ping-pong is probably our best chance at beating Touya-sensei’s group at anything, ever.”
“Your vote of confidence is appreciated,” Waya said, rolling his eyes. He was feeling more sober by the moment and was beginning to doubt the merits of this idea.
“It’s not a trip to the hot springs if there’s no ping-pong,” injected Saeki, nodding wisely. “And Morishita-sensei thinks it’s a wonderful idea,” he added, nodding at their master, who was indeed sitting on a nearby armchair and looking very much satisfied with the whole thing. Ogata sat in the chair next to his.
Waya quickly looked away, hoping he didn’t throw up all the sake he had downed in his misery. “Figures.”
“So, anyway, go out there and win this thing. Also, I refuse to play Ogata because he creeps me out,” continued Shindou. “Waya, he’s all yours. Any questions?”
“Hey!” Waya protested.
Shindou shoved him towards the table. “Come on, you first.”
Waya really thought this was probably more for Shindou’s benefit than his own, but since Ogata was already out of his seat with paddle in hand, it was a little late for doubts.
“Make me proud, Waya!” Shindou cheered.
“I hate you and will kill you at my earliest opportunity,” Waya snarled.
“Kill the ping-pong ball first,” Shindou suggested.
**
When they had first found the ping pong table, Waya had wondered briefly why it was in such a secluded corner of the resort. It was so far from the lobby and the rest of the facilities that they’d had to inquire at the reception desk whether it existed at all. Then the Morishita school versus Touya school face-off happened, and Waya’s doubts cleared up instantly.
“Good thing we don’t do this for a living,” said Saeki thoughtfully as the ball bounced off the table and, upon hitting the electric fan on the ceiling, was catapulted to the opposite end of the room for the eleventh time in the last half hour. Ashiwara had the good grace to look apologetic, although by then everyone was so used to the ball going off-course that nobody bothered to cover their heads or duck behind the couches anymore.
Morishita-sensei was still sitting there, to Waya’s dismay. Saeki sustained Sensei was only there to observe the games, but Waya could not shake the feeling that Sensei was only waiting until all the witnesses had gone to deliver divine punishment to him. He had never thought being imaginative was a bad trait until his brain started coming up with ways Sensei could make his life hell, and every single one was worse than the one that came before. Waya gulped.
“Oh man,” he said to Saeki, turning to avoid eye-contact with Sensei. “I really hope we win this.”
“I forfeit,” Ashiwara suddenly announced cheerfully.
Everyone stared at him. “I think you were winning?” one of his teammates said, although he didn’t sound particularly sure of himself.
“Oh, it’s all right. Saeki-kun can have this one.”
Shindou and Touya both looked terribly amused, like they were privy to a secret no one else knew. Saeki looked uncomfortable and a little mad. “I don’t need to be patronized,” he insisted.
“Don’t be silly, Saeki-kun,” Ashiwara chirped. “I’m just tired and don’t want to play anymore, so you win.”
“Anyway, Shindou interrupted, “that’s two for the Morishita school. And it’s my turn now, so get out of the way and let me show you how this is done.”
“That’s the spirit, Shindou!” Sensei called from across the room.
“How do you hold this thing?” Touya asked.
“Oh, we’ve got this,” Waya said, suddenly feeling a lot better about the whole thing.
“Just be honest and say you’re looking forward to seeing Touya fail at something,” Saeki murmured.
“Oh shut up, mister my-opponent-forfeited-because-he-thinks-I’m-cute,’” Waya shot back. “I had to beat that man on my own, no thanks to any of you.” He made a face. “I think it might actually have been worse than playing him in that really embarrassing round robin last year. That may have been nine moku, but this time he’s all… sweaty.”
“Well, you did win,” Saeki consoled him. “Even if it was probably because he can barely stand up straight.”
“Did it help?” Tanaka asked.
Waya shuddered again, then glared at Ogata, who was back sitting across from sensei and enjoying his umpteenth cup of sake. “Not really, no.”
“Didn’t think so.”
“Ow, Shindou! That was my head!”
“Game, set, match, oh yeah!”
**
Once the lure of the ping pong table had worn off (and Shindou had made Touya admit three times that yes, indeed, he had smoked him, and yes, he was king of the ping pong table), Morishita-sensei and Touya-sensei had left together after Touya-sensei had suggested a game. Everyone else had settled around the various chairs with more sake cups to kill the discomfort of actually having to socialize with each other.
The only one who seemed comfortable was Ashiwara, who seemed completely willing to carry a conversation all by himself. Waya let himself sit back and relax - as long as Sensei was occupied, he would live another day - and allowed the alcohol and the conversation to wash over him… at least, until the yelling started.
Because he hadn’t been paying attention, Waya didn’t know what had sparked the argument, but it was by far the worst he had ever seen in the epic history of Shindou and Touya and their abnormal relationship - and he had seen a lot of arguments. It probably didn’t help that neither of them could strictly be considered sober. They were flushed and bright eyed and waving their arms in the air. Shindou was gesticulating madly with a ping pong paddle and Touya looked like he was considering the merits of using a ping pong ball to commit serious violence. Everyone else slowly backed away as the fight escalated, but no one left the room, probably because it was kind of like watching a train wreck.
“Well maybe if you didn’t keep lying to me about it-”
“Geez, Touya, I’m telling you, it wasn’t like that, okay!? You’re so freaking paranoid-”
“Well maybe if you’d just tell me already-”
“I told you, I need a little time, okay, it’s not like it’s easy-”
“Oh, well, excuse me for thinking six years might be sufficient-”
“Fine! Fine!” Shindou threw his hands in the air in defeat. “Let’s go! But don’t blame me if you don’t like the answers!” With that, he grabbed the sleeve of Touya’s yukata and dragged him from the room, nearly dragging said yukata off its wearer in the process.
Silence reigned for a few uncomfortable moments. It was finally broken by Ashiwara, who lifted a flask and said, “More sake?”
“Oh yes,” Waya said. “Yes, please.”
“I would like some, as well,” Ogata interjected, and held out his cup.
“Me, too,” Saeki agreed.
“I think, all things considered, we’re all lucky that Touya-sensei is on the other side of the resort playing a match against Morishita 9-dan,” muttered one of the Touya school’s students.
“I’m going to bed,” said Shibuya. “Good night, everyone.”
Waya took a welcome sip of sake and had a truly horrifying thought. “Oh god,” he said. “Bed. Saeki, dude, I’m totally crashing in your room tonight. There is no way I am going back there tonight.”
Saeki actually looked relieved. “Oh, please do,” he said. “Since Shirakawa-san couldn’t come, I’ve got lots and lots of room.”
Ashiwara pouted.
Waya and Saeki both downed their sake in one gulp.
**
The next morning, everyone came down to breakfast with shadowed eyes and headaches. Even Morishita-sensei looked a little subdued - when a very brave Saeki actually asked him why, he had muttered something about his game and the weather and the green tea. He had then pounded Saeki and Waya on their backs hard enough to make Waya choke and congratulated them heartily on their impressive victory the day before.
“I think he lost,” Saeki hissed to Waya after Sensei had gotten up and headed for his room to pack.
Waya’s grin was so wide he felt like it might split his face. “I think I’m going to live.” He angled a look over at Shindou and Touya, both of whom were staring intently into their cups. Shindou looked tired. Touya just looked thoughtful. “Not to mention, Touya’s so quiet, I can practically pretend he’s not there. I don’t even care about the hangover. This is probably the best day of my life.”
“Hey, you know what?” Saeki said suddenly. “Does anyone remember how this was supposed to be a go retreat?”
Everyone but Touya turned and looked at them. Even Shindou actually looked up from his intense contemplation of his teacup. “Hey, now that you mention it, yeah. How did that happen?”
“Whatever,” Waya said. Personally, he was relieved - at least they had had a chance with ping-pong.
Touya looked up from his cup too and regarded Shindou for a long moment. “I brought the magnetic goban. If you like.”
Shindou looked shocked, then ridiculously happy. “Yeah. That sounds great. Let’s go get it.”
“It’s upstairs,” Touya said.
Shindou was out of his seat and up the stairs so fast he practically left motion lines.
“And they’re back,” Waya announced. “Now will somebody please get me an aspirin.”
Authors: chaineddove & umarekawareru
Fandom: Hikaru no Go
Rating: PG-13 (for language and also Ogata naked in a hot spring with young boys... come on now)
Genre: Crack
Pairing: The Morishita goup and the Touya group, no real pairings
Wordcount: 3,802
Disclaimer: It is probably fortunate for fandom that we do not own Hikago, as we might be liable to make it explode with an excess of crack.
Authors' Notes: umarekawareru: It is quite amazing how inspiring Waya torture can be. Personally, I've never been to the hot springs, but I have played ping pong, and just in case you were wondering, yes, the ping pong scene is based on my personal experience. (See: ball bounces right off the table up toward the electric fan which sends it flying to the opposite corner of the room.) This was a blast to write, hopefully you'll enjoy it as well.
chaineddove: I, on the other hand, have been to my fair share of hot springs, several of which were of the clothing optional variety (I can't really say I haven't attempted ping pong, but I'm so bad it amounts to the same thing). Clearly, our combined experiences as well as a slew of cliches (including but not limited to: Ogata pervs on young boys, Waya is jealous of everyone, Morishita-sensei orders his students to beat the Touyas OR DIE TRYING, and Hikaru somehow finds the time to tell Akira about Sai - offscreen, at that) and a smattering of people with names out Japanese 101 books (they never got names in canon, in our defense) can only lead to win. As is evidenced below. Enjoy~!
***
At the time, it had all seemed like an amazing chance to get on Morishita-sensei’s good side.
It had all started because Sensei found out that the Touya school was going on a retreat to the hot springs and, in true spirit of the Morishita school, had declared that they would not be outdone. Waya had immediately volunteered to organize a similar trip for the Morishita school, because Shigeko had been dropping hints that she wouldn’t mind him taking her out for cake even when he hadn’t won anything recently, and, seeing as he was no closer to beating Touya Junior than he had been when he turned pro, this whole situation seemed like his best chance to get Morishita-sensei in a good mood.
Accordingly, he had spent an entire Saturday morning checking out different resorts online and comparing the prices, accessibility and facilities of each one, and finally booked rooms at the only resort that fully received Morishita-sensei’s approval. Proud of his newly-discovered event-planning skills, he had dropped by Shindou’s place to brag. That was about the time the whole thing went to hell.
“This resort,” Shindou said. “I’ve seen it before.”
“Maybe you’ve been there before. It’s pretty popular, apparently,” Waya said, rolling his eyes. “What does it matter?”
“I’m pretty sure I haven’t been there, Waya; this is totally for rich people,” Shindou replied, squinting at the picture of the main lobby. Waya barely managed to hold back a retort that, last time he checked, Shindou was rich, damn him, and if he were a nicer guy, he might consider losing once in awhile so someone else could get a few scraps.
“What do you think, Touya?” Shindou asked as Touya came into the living room with a tea tray. “Have you dragged me here, or something, and I just don’t remember?”
“I think you’re an idiot,” Touya said, shaking his head. “No, I have never dragged you there, and yes, of course you’ve seen it before. You were there when I was looking at their website, weren’t you? You helped me make the reservations.”
“Oh, right,” Shindou nodded. “So that’s why it looked familiar.”
“This time, while I’m gone, please try not to let the plants die,” Touya said.
Ominous silence settled over the flat. Shindou’s eyes bugged out. Only Touya seemed oblivious to the atmosphere of impending doom.
“Oh my god, Waya,” Shindou finally managed, “please tell me this isn’t where we’re going for next week’s trip.”
**
“I called the resort this morning,” Waya announced darkly over lunch at McDonald’s. “They told me they won’t refund our money if we cancel the trip now. So the Morishita school is going to the same hot springs resort as the Touya school, and I’m going to die.”
It really sounded a lot scarier when he said it out loud. Shindou and Saeki exchanged trepidant looks.
“It might not be so bad?” Saeki said hopefully. It sounded more like a question than a statement.
“This is kind of like that dream you have the night before a big match,” Waya said. “You know, the one where you get there and realize you’ve forgotten how to play go.”
Saeki winced and nodded sympathetically. “I hate that.”
“And you’re naked and the stupid recorder won’t even give you a damn tea towel to cover yourself,” Waya continued. Silence from the peanut gallery. “Yes,” he said, warming to the analogy, “kind of like that, only worse.”
Shindou, apparently, failed to feel anything but amusement about the whole thing. “Yeah, man,” he said with an evil glint in his eye. “This is going to be way worse than a tea towel. This is Morishita-sensei we’re talking about here! He’s going to lose it.”
“Morishita-sensei whose daughter will forever be off-bounds to you after this fiasco,” Saeki added unhelpfully.
Waya groaned and buried his face in his hands. A girl walking by their table gave him a weird look, although Waya found that, in the face of impending death, what random people thought of him ranked very low on his list of concerns.
“More importantly,” continued Shindou, munching on his French fries, “did you ask if there’s a ping-pong table? It’s not a trip to the hot springs if there’s no ping-pong, man.”
Waya stared incredulously. “I’m about to suffer a fate worse than death at Morishita-sensei’s hands and all you care about is ping-pong?” Then he added, just to make sure, “You do know you’re supposed to be my friends, right?”
“Your demise is inevitable,” said Shindou, waggling a finger philosophically. “You would do well to spend what’s left of your life having happy thoughts. Live a little, won’t you?”
“And no trip to the hot springs is complete without ping-pong,” Saeki agreed. “By the way, I’m going to the Institute tomorrow to have a look at the Ouza semi-finals. Wanna tag along?”
“I need new friends,” Waya said, shaking his head.
**
Waya had stopped biting his nails years ago, when a girl he liked in his class said it was rude, but this week had been stressful enough to force a relapse. After all, he would much rather be rude than be dead, though it seemed to him he wouldn’t have much of a choice in the matter when Morishita-sensei found out about his blunder. Deciding drastic action needed to be taken, Waya fished his cell phone out of his pocket and called Saeki’s number.
“Saeki here.”
“Um, Saeki, about tomorrow, I don’t think I can go,” said Waya, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.
“How come?” Saeki asked, sounding taken aback. “Has your execution been rescheduled for tomorrow or what? I thought you still had a week to live.”
Waya tried to keep the hysterical laughter at bay. “Well, actually, after I left you guys I went to Morishita-sensei’s house and tried to explain the situation to him vaguely enough that he might consider letting me live,” he explained, “but it didn’t work. So I’ve decided to leave the country before he figures it out. I got a pamphlet about the Bahamas in the mail and, well, it doesn’t look too bad. Do you think that’s far enough from Japan?”
“Honestly?” Saeki replied. “When he realizes you ran away, nowhere you go will ever be far enough.”
“I’m so screwed, Saeki-san.”
“Yeah, sorry,” Saeki said, sounding at least somewhat sympathetic. “You can’t run away from him, so are we still on for tomorrow? I’m meeting Shindou in the lobby at four. You should call Isumi-san too, and we can all go to that new ramen place in Dogenzaka afterward.” After a pause, he added, “It’ll be like your Last Supper, Waya.”
“I hate you all,” Waya retorted, and hung up.
**
Escape plans thwarted, there was no option but to go along for the ride. They had rented a minibus, which had turned out to be a little empty, as Shirakawa had broken his leg the night before, the lucky bastard, and was even now recuperating in the hospital, probably being waited on by cute nurses.
Right at that moment, Waya really, really hated Shirakawa.
“So, you know,” Saeki said, “I’m pretty proud of you. I mean, I didn’t really think you’d have the balls to see this through.”
“When I heard someone was in the hospital, I totally though it was you,” Shindou agreed. “I thought you’d taken the easy way out and jumped under a car, or something.”
“No, Shindou, I did not jump under a car,” Waya snarled.
“Probably because you didn’t think of it,” Shindou said with a snicker.
“Have I mentioned I hate you?” Waya asked.
“About fifteen times so far this morning,” Saeki said. “Anyway, Sensei seems to be taking things pretty well.”
All three of them swiveled their heads to regard their teacher, who was engrossed in a book of kifu. Tanaka and Shibuya were playing magnetic go across the seat behind him. He definitely didn’t look like a ticking time bomb. “I,” Waya said. “I, uh. Haven’t really told him yet.” They gaped at him like they had never seen him before. “Listen,” Waya hissed, “it’s not like there was a good moment to say, oh, hey, by the way! And then there was this bus and now we’re almost there and I don’t want to die, okay?”
“Smart,” Saeki said. “Public place. He can’t kill you in front of witnesses who don’t belong to the group.”
“Hey!” Waya protested. “What about you guys!? Wouldn’t you protect me!?”
“Man, you got into this yourself,” Shindou said. “You are so on your own.”
**
Waya would never have believed it before seeing it, but Morishita-sensei actually turned purple.
“Ah, Morishita-san,” Touya Kouyo said, smiling agreeably. “How nice to see you. This is such a lovely spot, isn’t it?” Morishita said nothing. “Are you all right? You look a bit…”
“Oh, don’t worry about him,” Saeki said, recovering his cool remarkably quickly when the curly-haired guy in the Touya group started giving him very interested looks. “Just carsick, you know. Long trip. Well, we’re so sorry, but I think we should…”
It took him three seconds flat to get everyone bundled into the lobby. Waya had never known the man could move so fast. “Guess Ashiwara’s still into you,” Shindou said. Saeki paled, which made Waya feel a little better, at least until he looked back at Sensei and realized he was rapidly approaching puce.
“Oh shit,” Waya said, “gotta go,” and ran like a little girl.
**
“Someone explain to me how this happened,” Waya said, stripping off his shirt resignedly. There was only so long he could linger before he had to go out to the hot spring and face the others, and his so-called friends seemed to be relishing his humiliation. “I mean, really. I don’t think any of us have any desire to get naked with members of the Touya group.”
Saeki laughed, then tried unsuccessfully to turn it into a cough. Shindou glared and threw his pants across the room. “Okay,” Waya said, “never mind. I meant most of us.”
“Nice save,” Saeki snickered.
“And by the way, this happened because you screwed up,” Shindou said, tossing his boxers to join the pants and wrapping a towel around his waist. “If we’re going to be technical about it.”
“What’s bugging you, anyway?” Waya demanded. “You’re basically the only one of us who’s safe at this point. I mean, Saeki-san has that… whatever going on…”
“I do not!” Saeki protested.
“Yeah, right, we all know you do. And I’m probably never going to see the light of day again as soon as Sensei corners me alone, but do you see me glaring? Come on, Shindou, lighten up. What, are you scared of daddy-in-law?” Waya taunted.
Shindou gave both of them his darkest look yet. “Yeah, keep laughing. If you’re not worried, you should be.”
“Oh, whatever, the water’s not transparent and it’s dark outside,” Waya said. “What could go wrong? I mean, witnesses.”
Shindou shook his head and said darkly, “Ogata.” That seemed to be all the explanation they were going to get, because he slid the door open and left.
**
Two hours later, Waya was cowering in a corner of the room he was sharing with Shindou with his fourth cup of sake and still feeling far too sober to deal with the horrifying events of the evening.
“Told you so,” Shindou said, and topped off his cup. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Waya shuddered and took a large gulp, enjoying the way it burned his throat on the way down. “What the hell, Shindou?”
“If it makes you feel better, I think he was aiming for Touya,” Shindou said. “I think it’s because he didn’t have his glasses.”
“That only makesyoufeel better,” Waya said.
Shindou considered it, then shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“I can’t believe I was groped by a man,” Waya shuddered. “An old one with a mobster’s taste in suits.” He set his sake cup aside. “I should be drunk, but it’s not helping.”
“Only one thing will help at this point,” Shindou said with a sage nod. “Come on, let’s go find that ping-pong table.”
“What?” Waya asked, getting up with a wobble.
“Leave it to me, Waya. Come on.” Shindou grinned. “Let’s get you some water. Then you can kick his ass.”
**
As it turned out, there was a ping-pong table. The paint had faded in places and one of the legs was a bit wonky, but closer inspection revealed that the table was indeed usable, much to Shindou and Saeki’s delight. It was also made apparent as the evening progressed that ping-pong was conductive to extreme competitiveness, and what had seemed like the usual banter between Shindou and Touya (“You’ve never played ping-pong? Seriously? Even my grandfather has played ping-pong, man.”) had quickly developed into an all-out war between the Morishita and Touya schools.
“Listen up, soldiers,” Shindou coached in self-important tones, signaling for Waya and company to walk over to where he stood. “This is the most important battle we’ve ever had to fight, so I hope you’re all geared up for it.”
“So er,” Shibuya interrupted, interjecting timidly, “why are we doing this again?”
“We’re going to defend our honor as students of the Morishita school, obviously,” Shindou replied, with a glint in his eye that could mean nothing but trouble. “Also because - as much as I hate to say this - ping-pong is probably our best chance at beating Touya-sensei’s group at anything, ever.”
“Your vote of confidence is appreciated,” Waya said, rolling his eyes. He was feeling more sober by the moment and was beginning to doubt the merits of this idea.
“It’s not a trip to the hot springs if there’s no ping-pong,” injected Saeki, nodding wisely. “And Morishita-sensei thinks it’s a wonderful idea,” he added, nodding at their master, who was indeed sitting on a nearby armchair and looking very much satisfied with the whole thing. Ogata sat in the chair next to his.
Waya quickly looked away, hoping he didn’t throw up all the sake he had downed in his misery. “Figures.”
“So, anyway, go out there and win this thing. Also, I refuse to play Ogata because he creeps me out,” continued Shindou. “Waya, he’s all yours. Any questions?”
“Hey!” Waya protested.
Shindou shoved him towards the table. “Come on, you first.”
Waya really thought this was probably more for Shindou’s benefit than his own, but since Ogata was already out of his seat with paddle in hand, it was a little late for doubts.
“Make me proud, Waya!” Shindou cheered.
“I hate you and will kill you at my earliest opportunity,” Waya snarled.
“Kill the ping-pong ball first,” Shindou suggested.
**
When they had first found the ping pong table, Waya had wondered briefly why it was in such a secluded corner of the resort. It was so far from the lobby and the rest of the facilities that they’d had to inquire at the reception desk whether it existed at all. Then the Morishita school versus Touya school face-off happened, and Waya’s doubts cleared up instantly.
“Good thing we don’t do this for a living,” said Saeki thoughtfully as the ball bounced off the table and, upon hitting the electric fan on the ceiling, was catapulted to the opposite end of the room for the eleventh time in the last half hour. Ashiwara had the good grace to look apologetic, although by then everyone was so used to the ball going off-course that nobody bothered to cover their heads or duck behind the couches anymore.
Morishita-sensei was still sitting there, to Waya’s dismay. Saeki sustained Sensei was only there to observe the games, but Waya could not shake the feeling that Sensei was only waiting until all the witnesses had gone to deliver divine punishment to him. He had never thought being imaginative was a bad trait until his brain started coming up with ways Sensei could make his life hell, and every single one was worse than the one that came before. Waya gulped.
“Oh man,” he said to Saeki, turning to avoid eye-contact with Sensei. “I really hope we win this.”
“I forfeit,” Ashiwara suddenly announced cheerfully.
Everyone stared at him. “I think you were winning?” one of his teammates said, although he didn’t sound particularly sure of himself.
“Oh, it’s all right. Saeki-kun can have this one.”
Shindou and Touya both looked terribly amused, like they were privy to a secret no one else knew. Saeki looked uncomfortable and a little mad. “I don’t need to be patronized,” he insisted.
“Don’t be silly, Saeki-kun,” Ashiwara chirped. “I’m just tired and don’t want to play anymore, so you win.”
“Anyway, Shindou interrupted, “that’s two for the Morishita school. And it’s my turn now, so get out of the way and let me show you how this is done.”
“That’s the spirit, Shindou!” Sensei called from across the room.
“How do you hold this thing?” Touya asked.
“Oh, we’ve got this,” Waya said, suddenly feeling a lot better about the whole thing.
“Just be honest and say you’re looking forward to seeing Touya fail at something,” Saeki murmured.
“Oh shut up, mister my-opponent-forfeited-because-he-thinks-I’m-cute,’” Waya shot back. “I had to beat that man on my own, no thanks to any of you.” He made a face. “I think it might actually have been worse than playing him in that really embarrassing round robin last year. That may have been nine moku, but this time he’s all… sweaty.”
“Well, you did win,” Saeki consoled him. “Even if it was probably because he can barely stand up straight.”
“Did it help?” Tanaka asked.
Waya shuddered again, then glared at Ogata, who was back sitting across from sensei and enjoying his umpteenth cup of sake. “Not really, no.”
“Didn’t think so.”
“Ow, Shindou! That was my head!”
“Game, set, match, oh yeah!”
**
Once the lure of the ping pong table had worn off (and Shindou had made Touya admit three times that yes, indeed, he had smoked him, and yes, he was king of the ping pong table), Morishita-sensei and Touya-sensei had left together after Touya-sensei had suggested a game. Everyone else had settled around the various chairs with more sake cups to kill the discomfort of actually having to socialize with each other.
The only one who seemed comfortable was Ashiwara, who seemed completely willing to carry a conversation all by himself. Waya let himself sit back and relax - as long as Sensei was occupied, he would live another day - and allowed the alcohol and the conversation to wash over him… at least, until the yelling started.
Because he hadn’t been paying attention, Waya didn’t know what had sparked the argument, but it was by far the worst he had ever seen in the epic history of Shindou and Touya and their abnormal relationship - and he had seen a lot of arguments. It probably didn’t help that neither of them could strictly be considered sober. They were flushed and bright eyed and waving their arms in the air. Shindou was gesticulating madly with a ping pong paddle and Touya looked like he was considering the merits of using a ping pong ball to commit serious violence. Everyone else slowly backed away as the fight escalated, but no one left the room, probably because it was kind of like watching a train wreck.
“Well maybe if you didn’t keep lying to me about it-”
“Geez, Touya, I’m telling you, it wasn’t like that, okay!? You’re so freaking paranoid-”
“Well maybe if you’d just tell me already-”
“I told you, I need a little time, okay, it’s not like it’s easy-”
“Oh, well, excuse me for thinking six years might be sufficient-”
“Fine! Fine!” Shindou threw his hands in the air in defeat. “Let’s go! But don’t blame me if you don’t like the answers!” With that, he grabbed the sleeve of Touya’s yukata and dragged him from the room, nearly dragging said yukata off its wearer in the process.
Silence reigned for a few uncomfortable moments. It was finally broken by Ashiwara, who lifted a flask and said, “More sake?”
“Oh yes,” Waya said. “Yes, please.”
“I would like some, as well,” Ogata interjected, and held out his cup.
“Me, too,” Saeki agreed.
“I think, all things considered, we’re all lucky that Touya-sensei is on the other side of the resort playing a match against Morishita 9-dan,” muttered one of the Touya school’s students.
“I’m going to bed,” said Shibuya. “Good night, everyone.”
Waya took a welcome sip of sake and had a truly horrifying thought. “Oh god,” he said. “Bed. Saeki, dude, I’m totally crashing in your room tonight. There is no way I am going back there tonight.”
Saeki actually looked relieved. “Oh, please do,” he said. “Since Shirakawa-san couldn’t come, I’ve got lots and lots of room.”
Ashiwara pouted.
Waya and Saeki both downed their sake in one gulp.
**
The next morning, everyone came down to breakfast with shadowed eyes and headaches. Even Morishita-sensei looked a little subdued - when a very brave Saeki actually asked him why, he had muttered something about his game and the weather and the green tea. He had then pounded Saeki and Waya on their backs hard enough to make Waya choke and congratulated them heartily on their impressive victory the day before.
“I think he lost,” Saeki hissed to Waya after Sensei had gotten up and headed for his room to pack.
Waya’s grin was so wide he felt like it might split his face. “I think I’m going to live.” He angled a look over at Shindou and Touya, both of whom were staring intently into their cups. Shindou looked tired. Touya just looked thoughtful. “Not to mention, Touya’s so quiet, I can practically pretend he’s not there. I don’t even care about the hangover. This is probably the best day of my life.”
“Hey, you know what?” Saeki said suddenly. “Does anyone remember how this was supposed to be a go retreat?”
Everyone but Touya turned and looked at them. Even Shindou actually looked up from his intense contemplation of his teacup. “Hey, now that you mention it, yeah. How did that happen?”
“Whatever,” Waya said. Personally, he was relieved - at least they had had a chance with ping-pong.
Touya looked up from his cup too and regarded Shindou for a long moment. “I brought the magnetic goban. If you like.”
Shindou looked shocked, then ridiculously happy. “Yeah. That sounds great. Let’s go get it.”
“It’s upstairs,” Touya said.
Shindou was out of his seat and up the stairs so fast he practically left motion lines.
“And they’re back,” Waya announced. “Now will somebody please get me an aspirin.”