† [[Where Else Can I Turn?]] † :: Complete

[unsharedburden]

Who: slays_in_heels & eveningladies
When: Just after taking Willow back to her apartment to sleep; {{ after all this }}
Where: Ground Zero {at} Madison Square; {{later}} Tower Apartments - Room 220
Rating: PG-13 {{ For now, mostly because of possible language, may change. }}
Summary: Buffy & Hannibal, freshly healed by Willow, head out to Madison Square to look for Giles.

Comments

[unsharedburden]

The second she reached the right spot, she dropped to a crouching position and began to lift, and move, various pieces of debris. From small hunks to large hunks - and even those that caused her strain; she wouldn't have any of it, and she wanted it all gone. Out of the way. Buffy needed, desperately, to find Giles. She just hoped she wasn't too late.

She was probably wrong.

She looked over her shoulder toward him as he spoke, and her heart stopped for a moment or two. Willow hadn't been that powerful, as she remembered the redhead before she died... But they were from different times, it seemed. But she'd obviously gotten powerful enough in the time that Buffy came from, to bring her back from the dead and by so doing, pulling her from heaven. "Yeah," she offered half-heartedly, "I don't remember her being able to do that before I died."

She paused for a moment, and her voice dropped lower and quieter. "I don't remember her being able to do a lot of things that she apparently has the ability to to." With that, she lifted up a large hunk of metal and shoved it aside. There was still so much to go through before they reached the ground... Where Giles would be, if he was still in this mess.

[eveningladies]

People died, things changed. That much he could understand. Although his issue was more along the line of 'he died' and 'he changed' if he were honest. Shifting some of the rubble, trying to find the ground under it all, Hannibal listened, more to the tone than the words.

"She can do more than that?" The healing thing was pretty impressive, even if she did look like she was about to turn into the Human Torch. Hannibal hadn't stopped to think she could probably do more with it. That kind of power, yeah. Impressive.

The shift in Buffy's tone reflected a sense that Hannibal figured was either something to do with the whole being dead thing, or Willow's power increase. Either way, he kept a close eye to Buffy as he pulled some more of the concrete away from the build up.

[unsharedburden]

"Yeah," she murmured back quietly. 'She can do a lot of things,' Buffy thought, her eyes dropping. Tears billowed down her cheeks more steadily, and she had to fight not to sob. Her breathing was nothing if not near-painful, though; dust from the collapsed building didn't help it in the least, and the fact that she was teetering on the edge of a full-blown emotional collapse didn't either.

"Like bring her best friend back from the dead." The tone was as flat as the poor blonde could muster while it cracked under the overpowering severity of her heartbreak. She hefted debris away, piece by piece. After several more minutes, she stopped. Slumping onto a large hunk of building-remains, she rested her elbows on her knees and covered her face with her hands. "Like pulling her best friend out of Heaven and bringing her ba--" she gave, and a small, choked sob left her as she seemed to crumple into herself.

There was no time for this, but she needed it. At least for a minute or two, before she could keep looking. One thing to grieve at a time...

[eveningladies]

It was then that Hannibal moved, catching her before she just curled up on the rocks and ended up hurting herself. "Hey, hey," his hands held her shoulders, even as he crouched in front of her, holding her upright and slightly towards him. "It's okay," what was okay, he wasn't sure.

The fact that Buffy knew it was Willow that brought her back to life, to a life she'd been glad to give up and a chance to rest, Hannibal was pretty sure it was causing a lot more than just this grief she wasn't managing to push down like everything else.

He couldn't claim to understand it, couldn't claim to understand at all. So he just gave her something to hold onto if she needed it, or wanted it.

[unsharedburden]

She uncovered her face, revealing the tear-streaked cheeks; her eyes lifted to look at him, puffy with sleeplessness and red from crying. She felt weaker than she'd ever felt in her entire life, including when she'd died the first time at the hands of the Master... including when she'd sent Angel to Hell because she had to, even after he had his soul. The only thing that could come close to the anguish she felt right in that moment would be the pain at finding her mom's lifeless body on the couch.

And even that wasn't enough to top this.

It was too much for her to handle at once. Even for someone with Buffy's strength and poker face, this was too much Far, far too much. She reached for him, her hands finding the fabric of his shirt and balling into fists therein. She pulled herself against his chest, breaking down into body-racking sobs. "She-- thought I was in Hell, but -- I wasn't, and now all of this is -- and I can't -" she could barely breathe, let alone speak coherently, but she hoped he could at least understand the words coming from her mouth. "...but why?"

[eveningladies]

His arms slipped around her, and he wondered lightly how long this had been building up for. She kept everything in, didn't let the cracks show and then the gates flooded open. She reminded him a lot of Whistler, but with some kind of humanity under all that control and hatred.

Holding her against his chest, he tried to rub her back to sooth her, even if it was more just for something to do. "She didn't know," he couldn't imagine that kind of turmoil though. He'd had friends who'd died, but he'd never really thought too much on what if they could be brought back. "She just thought she was saving you."

Maybe sometimes, she saved too many. Who would save her? Hannibal hoped that just being there and listening would be a start, but damn if this wasn't painful to see. Holding her tightly, arm around her back and one hand stroking the back of her head, Hannibal just focused on his own breathing, keeping it low and constant, comforting.

[unsharedburden]

"I know," she whimpered, "I know she thought she was saving me. It's so hard-" she took a breath, her hands moving around him as he held her. She clung to him as if her life depended on it, buried her face against his collarbone, nestled her forehead to his neck. The closeness was something she was in dire need of. "- I keep -- I keep trying to remember that. Her intentions -- they were -- but now, and -" she was overwhelmed, dissolving into a trembling heap of tears against him.

Buffy held to him even tighter, soaking his shirt as she cried. "This place is Hell. Not where I was! I know, she didn't mean to, but - I'm trying... I'm trying so hard not to resent it..." Her breathing was sporadic and weak, just gasps between sobs and the garbled words they mingled with. "And if I were just still dead, maybe -- this wouldn't have h-happened! I already died, it should've been me, and--" she cut off, completely defeated.

[eveningladies]

He wasn't sure he was making out what she was saying, or if there was any coherency in it anymore, the sobs breaking her sentences up so badly. He didn't let her go, and she didn't seem to want to be left go anyway if the grip she had on him was anything to go by. Not that he minded.

"Maybe," he kept his voice low, as if he were trying to calm a wild animal or something, "or maybe it would've just been different, and he'd still end up here." He wasn't going to give her the slap in the face, which was why he kept his tone soft.

He could tell she cared a lot about her friends, even when she knew what Willow had done, the show of friendship earlier, Hannibal was fairly certain she'd be able to move past it somehow. Everything was just too raw right now.

"I don't know about them, but I'd think they'd stand a better chance with you helping." Since the goal was still to make it home. Wherever home was.

[unsharedburden]

She hadn't thought of that. Maybe her being brought back had nothing to do with any of this. Maybe they'd all still be there, just without her. The thought was both painful and something she wished for. Too many conflicting emotions were washing over her at once. It was a wonder her head didn't actually explode.

Buffy held tighter to him. There were good things about being here, too. If she thought about it, a lot of good things. People, who she cared about - people she'd never have gotten a chance to meet if it weren't for coming here. Hannibal was among those; someone she'd come to care deeply about in the last few weeks. It felt like the onslaught of Hell on Earth never stopped here. Longest few weeks of her life, that was for sure. At least, that she could remember to date.

"I'd rather be here, than Sunnydale," she admitted, slowly calming. She still sobbed, but it wasn't nearly as hard on her physically, and her breathing was beginning to regulate itself. He helped more than she could ever thank him enough for.

[eveningladies]

Even as she appeared to start to calm, he kept up the soft stroking of her hair. It'd been a long time since he'd comforted anyone, a long time since he'd known anyone who needed it. But he didn't think he was doing too bad.

Honestly, he was somewhat torn between wanting to be 'home' and here. Things weren't utterly dire, and while the vampires were a slight downside -some more than others, it wasn't just as chaotic as back in the city with them killing and planning their little take over. She might've seen it as Hell, so far, it was a vacation to Hannibal.

Although the building collapse could've been avoided.

"I'm kinda glad you are." His voice was hushed, a whisper against her ear because really, he was pretty glad he'd gotten to know her.

[unsharedburden]

That whisper against her ear was enough to slow her sobs completely, and her breathing followed. She was breathing shallow still, but much slower, and each breath was deeper. The smallest hint of a smile flickered over her lips, though she was buried against him... so he wouldn't see. But Buffy knew, and felt the surge of calm - and that was enough. She squeezed him again, slowly pulling her head back enough to look up at him. "You are?"

There was the slightest dash of a smile behind the sadness of her eyes, but mostly she was just curious to know. He could've just been saying it to calm her, to quell the hysteria... but she would know, by looking into his face, into his eyes, if he was genuine. Quietly, she added, "I'm really lucky to have you, Hannibal."

[eveningladies]

Wiping the tears from her cheeks with his thumb, a small tug of a smile on his face, Hannibal nodded once. "Sure I am." He was, genuinely. For the first time in almost five years he was actually finding himself trusting someone. Buffy was easy to like, because even under all the sadness, she was still pretty damn bright.

Cupping her head with his hand, he gave his head a small shake, still with that soft smile, "Nah," he wasn't really sure how lucky she should count herself to know him, few people did, "but thanks for thinking so."

Maybe there was just something about her that made vampires -or former ones in his case, gravitate. Even without the urge to kill her just because.

[unsharedburden]

She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand, nuzzling her cheek against it. Her brows remained knitted together, face strained in a frown that reflected the present need for this that lingered inside; her present need for him. Buffy noted the warmth of that hand on her cheek, the way his hands made no cold touch to her warm, damp skin. Warmth was something that she very much needed, perhaps in a life-or-death manner, in that moment.

"I know so," she argued quietly, "I'd probably dead if it weren't for you. ... Well. Dead again." The corners of her lips twitched just slightly at that forced show of humor she'd exhibited, but it would at least serve as some sort of mood lightener. She knew the focus needed to be on Giles. Not on herself.

She leaned forward, opening her eyed again and looking up at him. She placed a soft kiss to his cheek, thankful for his help and attentiveness and the fact that he was putting up with her seemingly-constant moments of weakness. Her lips lingered against the warm, soft skin, and her eyes closed once more. The kiss to his cheek became slightly more firm for a few short moments before she pulled away again. "I can't thank you enough..."

[eveningladies]

It was that whole thankful thing that sort of threw him. Not to mention the fact that he wasn't really sure how to react to those grateful pecks on his cheek. It was the second time in as many days as she'd left him stunned slightly after the affectionate gesture.

It wasn't that he was surprised by the affection itself, he wasn't really, not with her. It was the tone she always put behind it, like he was doing her a favour for just being there when she happened to need someone there.

"You don't need to," he told her as she pulled away, his hand gripping to her shoulder in reassurance. "I don't mind, it's been a while since I've actually been able to help anyone." It'd been a while since he'd had that kind of contact either. The warm touch of anyone trying to be comforting.

"And just so you know," he gave her his own weak grin, somewhat self-depreciating, "I'd probably be dead if not for you."

[unsharedburden]

She moved back from him just slightly more, relaxing and moving a hand from the back of his shirt to brush over, through, his hair. She leaned forward slowly, resting her forehead against his like they had before, when they were both on the brink of death. Her eyes remained opened, however, and focused on his. Her hand slid slowly from his hair to rest against his cheek, and she just offered him the best smile she could. It was feeble and hardly much of a smile at all, but it was the best she could muster.

Buffy brought her other hand around to his cheek as well, holding his face there. She pressed a bit firmer against his forehead with her own. "I don't like the idea of you dead, so..." she murmured softly. It was true; the thought made her stomach twist in knots and lurch. She moved her arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug, closing her eyes tightly. She didn't want to admit out loud that she felt like she needed him... But she did.

"I was really worried you weren't gonna make it..." her voice took on that slightly broken tone again, and she felt a new wave of tears burning at her eyes just thinking about it. "I'm really-- I don't know what--" she stopped trying, and just... held to him.

[eveningladies]

With a sigh, he held her close again, hand stroking softly against her back. The whole day of the fall, it'd been emotionally and physically draining from the minute the rubble started to shift. He'd been pretty glad that it had been Buffy helping him, he wasn't sure if he'd have pushed that hard if it wasn't her.

"I really don't want to be dead again, either." He murmured, willing to sit there and hold on until everything righted itself with them both. For the better part of his time in the clinic he'd wondered how she was doing. Because she was that close to just dropping, he'd seen it. She'd managed through on adrenaline and pain and little else.

And now here they were, maybe it was better that the dam burst. Even if it confused him just slightly and built up on things that really didn't need any encouragement at all.