Smallville Sex Rant + Top 5 "Clois" & "Tollie" Episodes
Warning: I tried putting this under an LJ cut for over an hour and I gave up, so please forgive me.
Thank you to Sana's post on Smallville's sex, I am choosing to write a rant of my own. Though whereas hers is mainly dedicated to Clois's sex, I am writing a little more broadly to the final four, and the entire cast's sexuality---because like her, I have some very strong opinions.
So let's start!!!
So who has issues with Season's 10 Clois? Well...me. Yeah, I actually do. I remember waiting years for a Clois sex scene, waiting for him to tear her clothes off and throw her against a wall, the lips, the fingers, all of it...and now, they pretty much did my worst fear. And here comes the controversy!!!
If you wait too long, it's not as fulfilling. There's such a thing as waiting too long. And the other mistake they made? They made Clois too sweet. Too lovey-dovey. Tom and Erica are too hot and too good looking to be this...high school. So the sex they have now...compared to Crimson and Pandora is high school. I wanted fire and passion on top of heat and orgasmic waves and instead I'm getting sweet episodes like Homecoming with a little teasing from Ambush that more almost made fun of any kinkiness they had. It wasn't the greatest for me.
Chloe and Jimmy had sex consistently, but you could tell from Chloe's remarks that it wasn't good in the beginning---at least for her. Lex and Lana, they are the only pairing besides Lois and Clark that we have ever been seen (in my memory)to have sex in a bed on screen on Smallville so far. But it took them forever to finally sleep together and they didn't have sex on a normal, healthy, regular basis by any means, no matter how heated it was between them. Clark and Lana...oh my god, I could fall asleep just writing about their sex. Tess, other than with Oliver has had to fake any sexual enjoyment she's had with anyone to try to be accepted by whomever she was sleeping with and Oliver---while he enjoyed and liked Lois, didn't in my opinion really, REALLY appreciate her until he didn't HAVE her anymore.
Tess and Oliver, as screwed up as they may be (and that's how we like them) are the only ones that started off liking the sex they had and never stopped liking sex. And it didn't take them seven-ten years to have it either.
Lois and Clark, seriously, should be swinging from the chandeliers and don't get me wrong---they probably are, but the directing isn't displaying it the way I envisioned a few years ago. And it's pissing me off.
Welling and Durance Kissing Freeman and Hartley
EWWWWW! I don't multiship, what the fuck! No thank you! For lack of tact, I want Clark on top of Lois and Oliver on top of Tess, no switching pairings preferred! (Or the women can be on top, I don't really care...) Why are the Cloisers SO disloyal (sorry to you who feel this way, it's just how I feel) that you wanna see Lois kissing Oliver? That's so wrong to me. I don't wanna waste airtime with Lois making out with anyone but Clark. It took, what, 9 years to get them together?
No to the Lollie! Geez. Is the concept of fidelity lost?
Why was there awkwardness after Pandora?
I thought this scene in Escape was going to be the best thing ever, but after Pandora, Lois began losing herself, in a sense. Lois was always confident, sensual, and passionate, but it was like an awkwardness began to emerge mid-Season 9 and never quite went away again. It killed a lot of the lust between them for me. Why did Lois pull back over and over and over? And even when she didn't, there was such a shyness that she didn't need to have. Yes, I know this is the love of her life and she wants to get it right, but she was nervous to a point that it seemed a little OOC to me. I don't wanna watch my Lois Lane doubt herself that much. I want her to embrace her passion with Clark and feel it with him. I waited 10 years for that. *sighs*
Tess & Oliver's Sexuality
Tess and Oliver made up for a lot of the lack of sexuality on Smallville because every movement, every look, and a lot of their language was enveloped in their sexuality. It's raw and hungry all the time, regardless of their attempts to suppress it and be pissed off at each other half the time. I remember watching Committed the first time and being flaming mad that Clois didn't share a kiss, and the thing that saved the physical lack for me was this new pairing that had no problem slamming each other against a wall. That doesn't happen on Smallville!!! No one just has great sex like that! Good lord.
And then you find out they have this huge foundation behind them and this addiction they don't wanna have and the fact that they are two GORGEOUS people...it's just like...go get some sticks again, LOL.
Top Five Clois Episodes
Crimson
Speaking of sex...lol. This was my favorite episode for years without even a runner up! I loved everything about it...except him stopping the sex for Ms. Lana Lang...ew! But other than that, I loved it. I loved him being on Red K and wanting her. I loved before she infected him and his scared self running to Chloe, Chloe laughing (one of the few times I liked Chloe) and Lois showing him her tattoo and the FACE on Clark looking at Chloe going, "MOMMY!" like a scared little boy. OMG. I loved the fire and passion of their love scene. Tearing clothes is always great. The flying off the Daily Planet. Incorporating passion into iconic history is what I'm talking about. And then the fact that it was him embarrassing HER at the end. And of course Jimmy Olsen..."So weird to see her acting like a girl!" LOL!
Pandora
The first and ONLY runner up to Crimson! The love scene didn't hurt, but I have to say my favorite part is when he kisses her and places the legion ring on her finger, sending her back through time. The dramatic passion they rarely get to have is brilliant. I wish Tom and Erica were given more material like that. This was one of the rarest episodes they were ever given, and it was glorious. The ripping of the buttons that you could hear fall to the floor---the way his fingers instantly went to her breasts, it was hot---hot---hot---hot. I loved that Lois was involved in a mission, I loved that it wasn't comedic, I loved the way they looked, I loved all of it.
Hydro
Awwwwwwww, first kiss, baby! Best part was Chloe having Lois tell Clark he was a better kisser than Oliver. Poor Lois. If she ever realizes this, she needs to put Chloe's head on a spit. Still, funniest scene ever. Fantastic episode. Enjoyed everything about it. Perfection. Loved that Lois slapped Clark, loved Oliver's reaction, loved on a side note that Lana and Lex got engaged, just great!!!
Rabid
Physical contact---stimulating. This was the last full episode that I ever thought they directed Lois and Clark in character in a *row*. While Pandora and Salvation were beautifully sensual, they were random in a series of awkward episodes. Rabid was the last consistently hot Clois episodes. From the carrying up the stairs to the conversation in the DP to the hug in the rain to the grabbing of her arm, HOLY CRAP! Unbelievable Clois material. Tom and Erica were never better to me. The plot of the episode wasn't my favorite, I'm not really a horror story woman, however, it was pretty consistent for Smallville, so I wasn't sitting there from a production stand-point screaming my head off in fury. As a Cloiser, I was melting!
Committed
Lacked a little bit to me Clois-wise. I thought there should've been a kiss, I thought they could've done a little more with the engagement-pretending, but the emotion between them with the lie-detecting was phenomenal. Erica made you feel everything and I wanted to protect her from any humiliation she was going through. The chemistry was full on, of course, and it was a brilliant concept for them. LOVED IT! "If this were the last place on Earth and I had to write an S.O.S., I wouldn't come here for a nib or a quill!"
Top Five Tollie Episodes
Toxic
I think everyone's ultimate iconic Tollie scene is their Committed 'stick fight love scene', but Toxic was such a great episode for them, minus Lois making me puke by throwing herself over an unconscious Oliver Queen. I loved this episode. I loved seeing Tess before she was "Lexified" with Oliver, more timid and unsure of herself, and the instant connection and adoration they had for each other.
The eye-sex and passion they had for each other in their last scene was so sexual that I was blown away by Cassidy and Justin, and it's also interesting that Oliver is the only person who consistently makes Tess laugh. I love that he breaks down her 'robot persona' and makes her a whole human being. You see them get to each other, the dance, the fighting, and it's like foreplay for them.
Lois needs to get over the man she never felt good enough for, geez. Thank Goddess he was calling out another woman's name.
Committed
I've said this before but I saw this episode BEFORE Toxic and I didn't know anything about Tess and she's having a major bitching attack at him and I was like, "God, she's angry!" And then I go, "Nevermind, it's Oliver. Whatever it is, I'm on her side." And then she shoves him back and asks the question, "What the hell were you so afraid of?" which BY THE WAY, is a metaphor for, "What is it that you want?" when he then uses the moment to touch her, HE TOUCHES HER FIRST, and then says, "You," changing the entire mood as her eyes soften in questioning and she takes the initiative, choosing to fuck him in every possible way. I knew I loved her after that. Finally a woman who didn't bow down to the glory of Oliver's six pack. Praise the gods.
Injustice
This was surprisingly a fantastic episode even without Tollie, but omg, they were unbelievable. Some people don't see the romantic-ness of them in this, and I'm like are you serious? First off, watch Beast, the episode before, and that will help. But Oliver at this point, was playing with her because she wasn't cooperating with his pursuit of her. So he was taking what he could get. Which wasn't very much. The scene in the office was unbelievably hot, their eyes, their language, explicit and graphic, almost making you feel like you were listening and watching something you shouldn't be. I appreciated her telling him to fuck off, not always giving in despite the energy between them.
The other thing is, Tess and Oliver are offensive. Let's not forget this. So the scene in the bedroom, oh my god. While hot, you just wanna shoot him in the ass. "I'll fly you to places you've never been." Go fuck yourself, Oliver. Dude. I could kill him myself for saying that and he didn't even say it to me. But he says it because he likes pushing her buttons, and because he knows she can take it. Which is one of the only reasons I still ship them, because she can knock him off his own throne.
The best part was him saving her, knowing the morally questionable things she'd done, and then carrying her unconscious body to safety, not caring that Clark could see. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
Checkmate
The first half of this episode was magic. I was so happy to be seeing them again, on fire and kinetic, teasing and flirting, fighting and hilarious again. He was bored with Chloe, knowing she wouldn't have fit into that night of business parties that Tess wasn't born into, but figured out a way to learn. So Oliver didn't ask Chloe. And then the scene goes to Tess getting her champagne and Oliver is grinning ear to ear because he knows he can playfully begin to irritate Tess, and it's the most fun he's gonna have that day.
And then his eyes begin looking at her like he wants to tear off her dress.
And then you know, they fight...per usual. He's offensive, she takes no shit and throws a vase at him and I laugh like crazy. (That obviously wasn't their first physical fight) I love the way it persists and JUST as he's coming at her, Clark barges in, interrupting potential Tolliesex. WHAT THE FUCK!!! Dammit Clark, nobody asked you to interrupt!
I'm not even going to analyze anymore, because that's basically where I stop the episode.
Pandora
Chloe, you suck. Why was Oliver smart enough NOT to fuck you in that reality? Jesus.
The End
Thank you to Sana's post on Smallville's sex, I am choosing to write a rant of my own. Though whereas hers is mainly dedicated to Clois's sex, I am writing a little more broadly to the final four, and the entire cast's sexuality---because like her, I have some very strong opinions.
So let's start!!!
So who has issues with Season's 10 Clois? Well...me. Yeah, I actually do. I remember waiting years for a Clois sex scene, waiting for him to tear her clothes off and throw her against a wall, the lips, the fingers, all of it...and now, they pretty much did my worst fear. And here comes the controversy!!!
If you wait too long, it's not as fulfilling. There's such a thing as waiting too long. And the other mistake they made? They made Clois too sweet. Too lovey-dovey. Tom and Erica are too hot and too good looking to be this...high school. So the sex they have now...compared to Crimson and Pandora is high school. I wanted fire and passion on top of heat and orgasmic waves and instead I'm getting sweet episodes like Homecoming with a little teasing from Ambush that more almost made fun of any kinkiness they had. It wasn't the greatest for me.
Chloe and Jimmy had sex consistently, but you could tell from Chloe's remarks that it wasn't good in the beginning---at least for her. Lex and Lana, they are the only pairing besides Lois and Clark that we have ever been seen (in my memory)to have sex in a bed on screen on Smallville so far. But it took them forever to finally sleep together and they didn't have sex on a normal, healthy, regular basis by any means, no matter how heated it was between them. Clark and Lana...oh my god, I could fall asleep just writing about their sex. Tess, other than with Oliver has had to fake any sexual enjoyment she's had with anyone to try to be accepted by whomever she was sleeping with and Oliver---while he enjoyed and liked Lois, didn't in my opinion really, REALLY appreciate her until he didn't HAVE her anymore.
Tess and Oliver, as screwed up as they may be (and that's how we like them) are the only ones that started off liking the sex they had and never stopped liking sex. And it didn't take them seven-ten years to have it either.
Lois and Clark, seriously, should be swinging from the chandeliers and don't get me wrong---they probably are, but the directing isn't displaying it the way I envisioned a few years ago. And it's pissing me off.
Welling and Durance Kissing Freeman and Hartley
EWWWWW! I don't multiship, what the fuck! No thank you! For lack of tact, I want Clark on top of Lois and Oliver on top of Tess, no switching pairings preferred! (Or the women can be on top, I don't really care...) Why are the Cloisers SO disloyal (sorry to you who feel this way, it's just how I feel) that you wanna see Lois kissing Oliver? That's so wrong to me. I don't wanna waste airtime with Lois making out with anyone but Clark. It took, what, 9 years to get them together?
No to the Lollie! Geez. Is the concept of fidelity lost?
Why was there awkwardness after Pandora?
I thought this scene in Escape was going to be the best thing ever, but after Pandora, Lois began losing herself, in a sense. Lois was always confident, sensual, and passionate, but it was like an awkwardness began to emerge mid-Season 9 and never quite went away again. It killed a lot of the lust between them for me. Why did Lois pull back over and over and over? And even when she didn't, there was such a shyness that she didn't need to have. Yes, I know this is the love of her life and she wants to get it right, but she was nervous to a point that it seemed a little OOC to me. I don't wanna watch my Lois Lane doubt herself that much. I want her to embrace her passion with Clark and feel it with him. I waited 10 years for that. *sighs*
Tess & Oliver's Sexuality
Tess and Oliver made up for a lot of the lack of sexuality on Smallville because every movement, every look, and a lot of their language was enveloped in their sexuality. It's raw and hungry all the time, regardless of their attempts to suppress it and be pissed off at each other half the time. I remember watching Committed the first time and being flaming mad that Clois didn't share a kiss, and the thing that saved the physical lack for me was this new pairing that had no problem slamming each other against a wall. That doesn't happen on Smallville!!! No one just has great sex like that! Good lord.
And then you find out they have this huge foundation behind them and this addiction they don't wanna have and the fact that they are two GORGEOUS people...it's just like...go get some sticks again, LOL.
Top Five Clois Episodes
Crimson
Speaking of sex...lol. This was my favorite episode for years without even a runner up! I loved everything about it...except him stopping the sex for Ms. Lana Lang...ew! But other than that, I loved it. I loved him being on Red K and wanting her. I loved before she infected him and his scared self running to Chloe, Chloe laughing (one of the few times I liked Chloe) and Lois showing him her tattoo and the FACE on Clark looking at Chloe going, "MOMMY!" like a scared little boy. OMG. I loved the fire and passion of their love scene. Tearing clothes is always great. The flying off the Daily Planet. Incorporating passion into iconic history is what I'm talking about. And then the fact that it was him embarrassing HER at the end. And of course Jimmy Olsen..."So weird to see her acting like a girl!" LOL!
Pandora
The first and ONLY runner up to Crimson! The love scene didn't hurt, but I have to say my favorite part is when he kisses her and places the legion ring on her finger, sending her back through time. The dramatic passion they rarely get to have is brilliant. I wish Tom and Erica were given more material like that. This was one of the rarest episodes they were ever given, and it was glorious. The ripping of the buttons that you could hear fall to the floor---the way his fingers instantly went to her breasts, it was hot---hot---hot---hot. I loved that Lois was involved in a mission, I loved that it wasn't comedic, I loved the way they looked, I loved all of it.
Hydro
Awwwwwwww, first kiss, baby! Best part was Chloe having Lois tell Clark he was a better kisser than Oliver. Poor Lois. If she ever realizes this, she needs to put Chloe's head on a spit. Still, funniest scene ever. Fantastic episode. Enjoyed everything about it. Perfection. Loved that Lois slapped Clark, loved Oliver's reaction, loved on a side note that Lana and Lex got engaged, just great!!!
Rabid
Physical contact---stimulating. This was the last full episode that I ever thought they directed Lois and Clark in character in a *row*. While Pandora and Salvation were beautifully sensual, they were random in a series of awkward episodes. Rabid was the last consistently hot Clois episodes. From the carrying up the stairs to the conversation in the DP to the hug in the rain to the grabbing of her arm, HOLY CRAP! Unbelievable Clois material. Tom and Erica were never better to me. The plot of the episode wasn't my favorite, I'm not really a horror story woman, however, it was pretty consistent for Smallville, so I wasn't sitting there from a production stand-point screaming my head off in fury. As a Cloiser, I was melting!
Committed
Lacked a little bit to me Clois-wise. I thought there should've been a kiss, I thought they could've done a little more with the engagement-pretending, but the emotion between them with the lie-detecting was phenomenal. Erica made you feel everything and I wanted to protect her from any humiliation she was going through. The chemistry was full on, of course, and it was a brilliant concept for them. LOVED IT! "If this were the last place on Earth and I had to write an S.O.S., I wouldn't come here for a nib or a quill!"
Top Five Tollie Episodes
Toxic
I think everyone's ultimate iconic Tollie scene is their Committed 'stick fight love scene', but Toxic was such a great episode for them, minus Lois making me puke by throwing herself over an unconscious Oliver Queen. I loved this episode. I loved seeing Tess before she was "Lexified" with Oliver, more timid and unsure of herself, and the instant connection and adoration they had for each other.
The eye-sex and passion they had for each other in their last scene was so sexual that I was blown away by Cassidy and Justin, and it's also interesting that Oliver is the only person who consistently makes Tess laugh. I love that he breaks down her 'robot persona' and makes her a whole human being. You see them get to each other, the dance, the fighting, and it's like foreplay for them.
Lois needs to get over the man she never felt good enough for, geez. Thank Goddess he was calling out another woman's name.
Committed
I've said this before but I saw this episode BEFORE Toxic and I didn't know anything about Tess and she's having a major bitching attack at him and I was like, "God, she's angry!" And then I go, "Nevermind, it's Oliver. Whatever it is, I'm on her side." And then she shoves him back and asks the question, "What the hell were you so afraid of?" which BY THE WAY, is a metaphor for, "What is it that you want?" when he then uses the moment to touch her, HE TOUCHES HER FIRST, and then says, "You," changing the entire mood as her eyes soften in questioning and she takes the initiative, choosing to fuck him in every possible way. I knew I loved her after that. Finally a woman who didn't bow down to the glory of Oliver's six pack. Praise the gods.
Injustice
This was surprisingly a fantastic episode even without Tollie, but omg, they were unbelievable. Some people don't see the romantic-ness of them in this, and I'm like are you serious? First off, watch Beast, the episode before, and that will help. But Oliver at this point, was playing with her because she wasn't cooperating with his pursuit of her. So he was taking what he could get. Which wasn't very much. The scene in the office was unbelievably hot, their eyes, their language, explicit and graphic, almost making you feel like you were listening and watching something you shouldn't be. I appreciated her telling him to fuck off, not always giving in despite the energy between them.
The other thing is, Tess and Oliver are offensive. Let's not forget this. So the scene in the bedroom, oh my god. While hot, you just wanna shoot him in the ass. "I'll fly you to places you've never been." Go fuck yourself, Oliver. Dude. I could kill him myself for saying that and he didn't even say it to me. But he says it because he likes pushing her buttons, and because he knows she can take it. Which is one of the only reasons I still ship them, because she can knock him off his own throne.
The best part was him saving her, knowing the morally questionable things she'd done, and then carrying her unconscious body to safety, not caring that Clark could see. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
Checkmate
The first half of this episode was magic. I was so happy to be seeing them again, on fire and kinetic, teasing and flirting, fighting and hilarious again. He was bored with Chloe, knowing she wouldn't have fit into that night of business parties that Tess wasn't born into, but figured out a way to learn. So Oliver didn't ask Chloe. And then the scene goes to Tess getting her champagne and Oliver is grinning ear to ear because he knows he can playfully begin to irritate Tess, and it's the most fun he's gonna have that day.
And then his eyes begin looking at her like he wants to tear off her dress.
And then you know, they fight...per usual. He's offensive, she takes no shit and throws a vase at him and I laugh like crazy. (That obviously wasn't their first physical fight) I love the way it persists and JUST as he's coming at her, Clark barges in, interrupting potential Tolliesex. WHAT THE FUCK!!! Dammit Clark, nobody asked you to interrupt!
I'm not even going to analyze anymore, because that's basically where I stop the episode.
Pandora
Chloe, you suck. Why was Oliver smart enough NOT to fuck you in that reality? Jesus.
The End