IT's Not Fair! [Vent journal]
I've paid into the system, I've never taken more than I needed, Hell I've gone without because I don't wanna take from someone who needs it more than me.
Everyday I see people screwing the system, getting more than they should be getting....Free this free that...
Here I have nothing. I do not have a job, I do not have transportation for one..and even still when I apply for one, they take one look at me and say No.
Why? Because I do not make a good face for the company. So what does that mean? That means my teeth are falling out of my head.
Do you know what that is like? [I'm sure many do..i don't mean in this fandom either just in general]
Every time I meet someone new, I go through panic attacks because of my teeth. I used to be so confident when I'd go for job interviews, because once upon a time, I had a lovely smile...Now, I have...well...I have something quite freaking horrid.
I cannot chew without pain, I don't have a single good tooth left, I'm always taking some form of pain pill for them.
And before anyone says "well brush your teeth!" I DO! I brush twice daily and all of that. This is from a combined result of being a guinie pig [back in the 80's i was a ward of the state, they came out with a new sealant for teeth. it was suppose to dissolve in 6 months. I was 12 when they did mine. Except mine didn't until i was 26 thus weakening and rotting my teeth under the gumline.]
So, I apply for medicade. And get turned down because i'm not pregnant, nor am I going to be, I'm not under 18 or over 65 and the best they can offer is that I go to a student dentist.
so....I get to sit here and become more toothless and in pain..and I cannot do anything but go to a student dentist? This is not some cavity dammit. What is left of my teeth NEED to come out! I need medication to fight the infections, and I NEED Teeth!
What do I do?
I have been losing my teeth over the last 10 years..each year is worse and worse. To even Go to a dentist costs more money than I have.
Hell never mind the fact I've not been to a dr in 20 years [save for the megaplex accident] I don't even really care as much about that...
I just...
I just want to be able to smile once more. I just want to be able to eat something and not be in extreme pain when I do. I just want to be able to look at someone with confidence and not be worried about them staring at my teeth.
Yanno, when I was in cali, I applied at a dollar store. A DOLLAR store....ok? Nothing major at all....the manager wouldn't stop staring at my teeth! Hell he could not stop making disgusted faces.
He then finally said that I'm not what they are looking for.
For christsake it's a freaking DOLLAR STORE!
So...as i'm sure you can imagine....what ever confidence I once had has long since been gone.
i try to overcome it the best I can.....but..I dunno...I'm so tired of it.
I don't know what else to do.
Everyday I see people screwing the system, getting more than they should be getting....Free this free that...
Here I have nothing. I do not have a job, I do not have transportation for one..and even still when I apply for one, they take one look at me and say No.
Why? Because I do not make a good face for the company. So what does that mean? That means my teeth are falling out of my head.
Do you know what that is like? [I'm sure many do..i don't mean in this fandom either just in general]
Every time I meet someone new, I go through panic attacks because of my teeth. I used to be so confident when I'd go for job interviews, because once upon a time, I had a lovely smile...Now, I have...well...I have something quite freaking horrid.
I cannot chew without pain, I don't have a single good tooth left, I'm always taking some form of pain pill for them.
And before anyone says "well brush your teeth!" I DO! I brush twice daily and all of that. This is from a combined result of being a guinie pig [back in the 80's i was a ward of the state, they came out with a new sealant for teeth. it was suppose to dissolve in 6 months. I was 12 when they did mine. Except mine didn't until i was 26 thus weakening and rotting my teeth under the gumline.]
So, I apply for medicade. And get turned down because i'm not pregnant, nor am I going to be, I'm not under 18 or over 65 and the best they can offer is that I go to a student dentist.
so....I get to sit here and become more toothless and in pain..and I cannot do anything but go to a student dentist? This is not some cavity dammit. What is left of my teeth NEED to come out! I need medication to fight the infections, and I NEED Teeth!
What do I do?
I have been losing my teeth over the last 10 years..each year is worse and worse. To even Go to a dentist costs more money than I have.
Hell never mind the fact I've not been to a dr in 20 years [save for the megaplex accident] I don't even really care as much about that...
I just...
I just want to be able to smile once more. I just want to be able to eat something and not be in extreme pain when I do. I just want to be able to look at someone with confidence and not be worried about them staring at my teeth.
Yanno, when I was in cali, I applied at a dollar store. A DOLLAR store....ok? Nothing major at all....the manager wouldn't stop staring at my teeth! Hell he could not stop making disgusted faces.
He then finally said that I'm not what they are looking for.
For christsake it's a freaking DOLLAR STORE!
So...as i'm sure you can imagine....what ever confidence I once had has long since been gone.
i try to overcome it the best I can.....but..I dunno...I'm so tired of it.
I don't know what else to do.