(no subject)
sometimes you sit in your room in the middle of the night, unable to sleep and you wonder what you thought about and why and all the thoughts you've had and where they came from and more importantly, it suddenly seems, where the hell they all went, like, to the back orf your mind to be summoned again like a forgotten lyric, or vaporized into space, do you shit them out like unwanted food or absorb them in like energy, does everything come in time or in turn, do you lose what you once had once you've had it long enough, does it matter? I feel like I once knew more, felt more than I do now and that I'm only a shell of that thing I used to be but at the same time I feel like I'm everything and what I was before was nothing but a cocoon for this new person I am today. I used to be so pregnant with bad feelings and sullen thoujghts and that's all suddenly turned into hope and worry and a level head, but I also fear it's turned into an average mind, a mind far from the intellectual mess that spewed forth all the ideas I once spewed. I'm losing something, I know that, I can feel it, like a real-life flowers for algernon I'm forgoetting what was so important to remember, losing what was so important to keep I don't think I could even think the way I used to if I wanted to and I know I'm not perfect or genius or anything but I knew there used to be more to me than there is now, that I used to have more to give this worlkd, and here is a representation of what is still left of my childhood self: the fear and regert that I didn't give everything I could.,