Lock and Load Lundi
Mon 8.7.06
Best laid plans of mice and men...
Return home feeling empty. Begins after boppng up to church, Have Christine sit in pew exactly behind me for pleasant change. I ignore her. She can't fix it. I have no idea who she really is. I'm there to seek thru prayer and meditation conscious contact with God. The stained glass light of this summer morning pours on my face. Barry sermons about Johnny Cash and June Carter. An example of spiritual turnaround. Total movie poppycock. I did relate to him later my experience of Johnny and June in a different light. Whether he really cared or listened matters not I felt he he appreciate the my impression of the real people not the illusions on the scene, Guess it comes down to this: A good sermon comes from a real experience shared with others not a movie interpretation. The truth rings out better,
Matters not. Being right, correct, or seeking approval. Sunday's busy. Who am I in this congregation. No one invites me to sit down for coffee or strike up conversation as in like how's it going , man? We are on our own. Do I fit in? Does it matter? I'm there as a communicant to observe a 2006 year old practice as a Christian. Period. What blessings flow are only my opinion.
I dropped by a table that offered recycled videos, CDs, and such. Neat idea. Bought a slew of stuff for Desmond. Came up short on the tab. Retunred to car with lights still on. No juice. Pushed it around for a jump start. Zoom off to work.
Four tours. A grind. Just do it. Math OK. Last crew brats from England. Never encountered such impolite English. Clamoring. Demanding. I held ego in check and hindsight just sucked it in and next time shall go under 90 minutes.
Home later than usual. Hoped to connect with Kenny, Mike, Steve Schier or whomever to down load psychic stuff. Called David 'bout smog deal. Tried Carlos door to see whether Adriana home. She was not. Guess I missed the boat on that liaison. Ah well, the blip of the summer.
Today I have another session with Mei and her counsel. Feel Desmond is held hostage by a process. For me it's a waste of time but I placate Mei in this deliberation. I feel bad enough about relating to Dez when he's been ill for a couple weeks and missing just a few hours or days with the lad. Upsets me. I don't enjoy all this third party bullshit affecting my family life. Bad enough all this crap stemming from the Cape and my brother and slew of attornies. Angers me in fact at some fundamental level. That's why I go to church to tough all this out. Sure can't sort it out in human terms.
Cape still a new unresolved problem with tile work and fridge cost. Fuck. It never ends. I am responsible for all this and bustin' butt to pay for it on top of all this. Where exactly is mine in the end? Everyone else is dealing themselves a hand.
Been at this business since May first. I see some progress yet another whatever is right behind me gaining ground it feels. Yes these are real problems. Love life. LOve it. Enjoy the day.
Best laid plans of mice and men...
Return home feeling empty. Begins after boppng up to church, Have Christine sit in pew exactly behind me for pleasant change. I ignore her. She can't fix it. I have no idea who she really is. I'm there to seek thru prayer and meditation conscious contact with God. The stained glass light of this summer morning pours on my face. Barry sermons about Johnny Cash and June Carter. An example of spiritual turnaround. Total movie poppycock. I did relate to him later my experience of Johnny and June in a different light. Whether he really cared or listened matters not I felt he he appreciate the my impression of the real people not the illusions on the scene, Guess it comes down to this: A good sermon comes from a real experience shared with others not a movie interpretation. The truth rings out better,
Matters not. Being right, correct, or seeking approval. Sunday's busy. Who am I in this congregation. No one invites me to sit down for coffee or strike up conversation as in like how's it going , man? We are on our own. Do I fit in? Does it matter? I'm there as a communicant to observe a 2006 year old practice as a Christian. Period. What blessings flow are only my opinion.
I dropped by a table that offered recycled videos, CDs, and such. Neat idea. Bought a slew of stuff for Desmond. Came up short on the tab. Retunred to car with lights still on. No juice. Pushed it around for a jump start. Zoom off to work.
Four tours. A grind. Just do it. Math OK. Last crew brats from England. Never encountered such impolite English. Clamoring. Demanding. I held ego in check and hindsight just sucked it in and next time shall go under 90 minutes.
Home later than usual. Hoped to connect with Kenny, Mike, Steve Schier or whomever to down load psychic stuff. Called David 'bout smog deal. Tried Carlos door to see whether Adriana home. She was not. Guess I missed the boat on that liaison. Ah well, the blip of the summer.
Today I have another session with Mei and her counsel. Feel Desmond is held hostage by a process. For me it's a waste of time but I placate Mei in this deliberation. I feel bad enough about relating to Dez when he's been ill for a couple weeks and missing just a few hours or days with the lad. Upsets me. I don't enjoy all this third party bullshit affecting my family life. Bad enough all this crap stemming from the Cape and my brother and slew of attornies. Angers me in fact at some fundamental level. That's why I go to church to tough all this out. Sure can't sort it out in human terms.
Cape still a new unresolved problem with tile work and fridge cost. Fuck. It never ends. I am responsible for all this and bustin' butt to pay for it on top of all this. Where exactly is mine in the end? Everyone else is dealing themselves a hand.
Been at this business since May first. I see some progress yet another whatever is right behind me gaining ground it feels. Yes these are real problems. Love life. LOve it. Enjoy the day.