(no subject)
It's almost 2am where I live...and I am still up. Why...I'm not sure. But I think the year in college I spent sleeping only 3 days a week has something to do with it.
As my 21st birthday comes closer and closer with each day, I have been doing alot of thinking. Not only about this situation with Chris, but about my life in General.
I'm only going to be 21 years old, but I feel so very much older. I don't like the feeling. I want to be able to walk down the street and not wonder if one of my ex's is behind me. And before you ask Bethy and KK, yes I have talked to my therapist about this.
I just...oh if I could get everything that is going through my head out by either talking or typing my life would be so much better. But...some part of me is scared to talk about my thoughts. I guess 21 years of being told to be quiet and that your thoughts don't matter will do that to you.
So I come to the question I have been asking myself for some time now. Why do I bare my soul on Live journal?
Simple
No one knows who I am here. I am just Paradise4writin. No one here knows my family and can rat me out on how I am feeling.
Yes I know that there are people on here that do know me and to care about me, and I am greatful for those people more than I could ever express with simple words. I just hope that one day my actions will show you that I do love and need you.
Well, I am off now.
Have I solved everything that I wanted to tonight?
No. I probally never will.
But I do feel better. And that is something I have said in a long time.
Ps. Wow...I just realised how grown up that sounded. I didn't mean to scare anyone. I'll have my less grown up post tomorrow
As my 21st birthday comes closer and closer with each day, I have been doing alot of thinking. Not only about this situation with Chris, but about my life in General.
I'm only going to be 21 years old, but I feel so very much older. I don't like the feeling. I want to be able to walk down the street and not wonder if one of my ex's is behind me. And before you ask Bethy and KK, yes I have talked to my therapist about this.
I just...oh if I could get everything that is going through my head out by either talking or typing my life would be so much better. But...some part of me is scared to talk about my thoughts. I guess 21 years of being told to be quiet and that your thoughts don't matter will do that to you.
So I come to the question I have been asking myself for some time now. Why do I bare my soul on Live journal?
Simple
No one knows who I am here. I am just Paradise4writin. No one here knows my family and can rat me out on how I am feeling.
Yes I know that there are people on here that do know me and to care about me, and I am greatful for those people more than I could ever express with simple words. I just hope that one day my actions will show you that I do love and need you.
Well, I am off now.
Have I solved everything that I wanted to tonight?
No. I probally never will.
But I do feel better. And that is something I have said in a long time.
Ps. Wow...I just realised how grown up that sounded. I didn't mean to scare anyone. I'll have my less grown up post tomorrow