(no subject)
Important Post and Discussion Opportunity
re: HMD, hostility and anonymous
At first this was going to be another mod post written from the sometimes-distant "we" that makes up the mod team, but I had a change of heart when I began to write it. Instead, I am posting this as a personal appeal, written as a mun, as a mod, and most importantly, as someone who loves this game through good or bad. Both Fudgey and Kayla have given their blessings and support on this, and we all feel it needs to be said like this, not sugar-coated, with complete honesty. I think it should be read by everyone, regardless of whether or not you feel you have contributed to either issue or not.
This is not about blaming anyone, or pointing fingers. It is just something that I think we all need to consider. I want everyone to evaluate their own behaviour, and their own behaviour alone.
So, before I digress too much:
On Monday, two things happened.
First, some discussion broke out on rpanoncomm about how welcoming Paradisa is to new players. As I understand it, we had new players and old players on both sides of the issue. Many feel that the game is increasingly unwelcome to new players, while others believe that Paradisa is very welcoming. I will preface my writing on this subject with the note that I do not feel it is my job, or any mod's job, to police or enact consequences on anything said on non-Paradisa communities. Any time any of us spend on rpanoncomm , roleplaysecrets or any similar communities remove us from our position as moderator: once you leave the sandbox, we are not responsible for you.
However, I am addressing this for two very specific reasons:
a) What could have been a productive and interesting discussion was ruined by hostility.
b) Despite being a game full of sensible and friendly muns, Paradisa now looks like the watering hole for name-slinging, drama-mongering jerks.
Think back to the last time you had a discussion. Maybe you were anxious. Maybe you were excited. Maybe you were optimistic, but worried about what would come of it. If your last discussion went well and everyone was happy in the end, it was probably a very good experience.
If it didn't go well, I promise the presence of one (if not both) things: hostility and incivility.
In a discussion about friendliness and welcoming new muns, being hostile or uncivil is basically the best way to make absolutely everyone feel justified in believing Paradisa to be unfriendly and unwelcoming. It confirms people's worries about us, and worse yet, it gives them grounds to perpetuate a stereotype Paradisa has fumbled under for four years. The worst of all? No one benefits from it. People might get a place to vent, but ultimately, we are no closer to a solution.
In the three-plus years I have been in this game, despite our occasional squabbles, I have never once considered this game to be overall an unfriendly or unwelcoming place. But I also know that we're all human, lines get crossed, and that miscommunication runs rampant at times: just because we do not intend to be unwelcoming or unfriendly, does not mean that we aren't coming across as unwelcoming or unfriendly to some people. Nobody in this game is psychic -- we don't know what anyone else's intentions are until it's too late.
I am choosing to look at it this way: if someone comes to me and tells me that they feel I have been ostracizing them and making them feel unwelcome, it really doesn't matter my excuses are. It may be true that I am busy, or that I didn't notice their post, or that I didn't intend to do it, but because they feel that they have been hurt by my neglect, it would be inappropriate of me to ignore them, or brush off their feelings with excuses. With both feet in the community, a good relationship with other players, and never hurting for CR, I cannot be justified in blaming people who don't have that position for feeling the way they do.
Looking at new muns and saying things like "I am tired of doing introduction posts" and expecting other people to be the welcome wagon all the time is exactly that. It may be true that you are tired of the same intros over and over again, but a little extra effort means a lot to the person on the other end. Even if the character is tired of doing intros, give them a sympathetic moment where they're in the mood to. The turnover rate would be quickly fixed if the effort to include and welcome new players was immediately redoubled. If every new player felt welcome, then maybe we'd have more lasting characters and more muns, and thus more friends both IC and OOC.
I cannot make any of you play with anyone else, but I do want everyone (whether they feel they have contributed to this "unfriendliness" or not) to at least consider what it's like to feel ignored and then have those feelings brushed off and directly ignored. It sucks. It really sucks. Extend a hand out to someone who needs it, or someone who wants it.
The second issue concerned non-constructive criticism on a mun that carried over from HMD to rpanoncomm and then back to HMD and then back, again, to rpanoncomm . While the details are irrelevant now, I would like to address HMD and the proper conduct for it, because what happened was both incredibly rude and horribly unproductive.
Take a look at this hierarchy:
courtesy Wikipedia :)
When giving critique, ask yourself this: where do you think your critique falls on the hierarchy? Where does the other person think your critique falls? Again, there is an element of intention vs perception, but have you let emotion colour your point?
HMD is meant to be productive. In the past six months, productive discussion has degraded to personal attacks and unnecessary exchange between unrelated parties three times. It is stressful to be a victim of, it is stressful to moderate, and sometimes it is even stressful to watch. As I said above: the worst of all is that no one benefits from it. People might get a place to vent, but ultimately, we are no closer to a solution.
We're all here to play and have fun. We run HMDs to help smooth out and improve our writing, characterization, and storytelling abilities. Sometimes, we may disagree on what requires work and what doesn't, but we are not in the business of driving people out because of differing opinions, or creating an environment of hostility and defensiveness for any party. We aren't in the business of shaming or intimidating people to do things a particular way, either -- we want to come to a consensus on something.
In all cases, it is better to take the high road. It may feel good to vent and let loose, but it is very important to step away and cool down when we feel that we might be emotionally compromised. Approaching any situation with a level head often changes our perspectives of a situation drastically. If you feel tense, angry, stressed, sick, upset, etc, over a situation, take a break. Wind down for a bit. While anonymity may seem like an excellent opportunity to vent without having to take responsibility for the words we post, others are hurt in the process... and we often feel like jerks in hindsight.
Remember what the Disney rabbit said: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all." And Thumper's mama didn't mean "nice" as in "all positive all the time." She meant you had to speak nicely. You can make a point and still be civil and polite. Want another popular saying? "You get more flies with honey than with vinegar." How about another? "Treat others as you wish to be treated." May I go on? "Respect begets respect." I think I've made my point.
Think about this, too: anonymous doesn't win by majority, because anonymous cannot be fairly counted. It doesn't matter if ten thousand anonymous on multiple communities all agree on something; what matters is how convincing and valid the point is. And if the point is convincing and valid, it doesn't need ANYONE chiming in with "I agree with this." It can stand on its own two legs as-is.
As a community, we are only as strong as our ability to work together, whether we're playing out a plot, running an HMD, or simply threading out a scene. We owe each other good etiquette if we want to maintain and improve our environment.
We will not be turning off the Anonymous feature yet -- to continue the rabbits analogy, this Good Fairy considers next HMD Little Bunny Foo-Foo's very last chance, and then you're all getting turned into goons anonymous will be turned off for a while. How long? Who knows. But we do know that if things get out of hand again, the privilege of using anonymous will be taken away, and the HMD will be friends-locked to members of the community.
Thank you very much for reading; it is very appreciated.
This post is open to discussion on both issues, however, the standard rule applies:
a) This is not about any specific individual. Any comment speaking about or on the behalf of another will be summarily screened and frozen. Everyone speaks for themselves here.
b) Common courtesy applies. Hostility, name-calling and accusations will not be tolerated. Remember the rabbits.