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[imnot_likeyou]

Who: Sam Winchester and the people he really owes an apology to: Dean Winchester, Jo Harvelle, Faith Lehane and Castiel. [CLOSED]
What: Sam making up for the things he did when he was soulless.
When: Friday night, November 4th, into Saturday, November 5th.
Where: Various locations in the castle.
Rating: PG-13
Notes: There are going to be sections

Comments

jo harvelle }

[imnot_likeyou]

Jo was going to be the tough one, and the one he had probably hurt more than anything else out of all of them. With Dean he might have to do a bit more explaining regarding castle shenanigans, but with Jo -- he'd screwed up. He really, really screwed up.

Which means he knew that she wasn't going to respond if he left her a message in the journal. If he wanted to do this, he had to do it in person, so that was what he did. He made his way down to the Lux late Friday night, and waited for Jo to finish closing up. He didn't go inside -- he wasn't going to do that until he knew that things were better, but instead he hung in the doorway and waited for her to come out to leave.

[huntersdaughter]

Jo had plans with Chase that night. The dog. Just to be clear. She had promised him that morning that he'd get a bath tonight, which for some strange reason got him really excited. It could be that he mistook bath for something else. She wasn't going to correct him, because he was a dog.

Hey, speaking of dogs -- Jo walked out of the Lux after her shift and spotted Sam almost immediately. He's sort of the hunkering, lumbering, Yeti-type person. He would be impossible to miss.

Instead of acknowledging him, Jo just kept on walking, right past him.

[imnot_likeyou]

He watched her brush past him, and as he did his eyes closed with a sigh. This might be even harder than he thought. He waited a beat, considering that maybe it would be best to give her some more time to cool off, but considering that conversation was months ago, and he still hadn't made it right yet, he knew waiting was not going to help.

He turned on his heel and started to walk after her, catching up to her in a few quick strides -- long legs can be helpful on occasion. "Jo, wait." He started to reach for her arm. "Can we talk?"

[huntersdaughter]

Her breath exhaled sharply through her nose as she tried to shrug away from his reach. She didn't stop walking, but she figured she wasn't going to be able to lose him, especially since he knew where she was headed.

"Fine, talk. I'm not going to stop for some little chat, Sam." Which is why she's still walking.

[imnot_likeyou]

"Fine," he sighed, keeping pace with her as he started to talk. "About what I said a couple months ago, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did. I don't -- I honestly don't know what's been up with me the past couple months, but I think it was some kind of loss."

He wasn't entirely sure what he lost, but he knew that he lost something.

"Not that that's an excuse. It's not. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm sorry."

[huntersdaughter]

Her stride didn't break as she listened to him. The funny part was that he actually realized that it had been a couple of months ago. It had been nearly the middle of the month in September and this was November and he was finally getting around to talking to her about it.

"A two month loss, Sam?" She wanted to slip in something about how she thought that it was going to be weird to be around her, but she really didn't want to bring anything up. Maybe he didn't even realize how crappy he made her feel. He sure as hell didn't seem to care the day of.

[imnot_likeyou]

"Stranger things have happened," he pointed out. This would have been easier if he had just fallen into a coma. At least then he would have kept his mouth shut. Or kept it in his pants.

Or any other number of important things that he screwed up.

"Look, I don't even know what it was that I lost, but I just ... I didn't care. I don't know why I didn't care, but I didn't. And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about the Pie Hole right away, but I wasn't sure how to say it."

[huntersdaughter]

The Pie Hole? Seriously?

Jo stopped sharply and whipped around, glaring at him, "You think I'm actually upset that you didn't tell me that you got a job, Sam?"

She contemplated not even telling him, just walking away and leaving it at that. However, she was not a big advocate of letting things stew.

"I'm upset because you decided to tell me months after we'd been hanging out and being in what I thought was an okay situation, apparently wasn't. Apparently, it's weird and while I'd love to try and argue with that, or tell you that you had months to explain it to me, or keep your distance -- instead I get upset and you don't even react. You just... leave it

[imnot_likeyou]

Of course he read it wrong. He was reading everything wrong lately, and he knew that he needed to fix it. Whatever it was the castle did to him, any instinct he had with regards to how people were feeling was gone. So Sam just took a breath as she let it out, and let her finish before getting ready to get out what he needed to say

[huntersdaughter]

Jo crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for him to stop. She was trying not to get upset, at least not more than she was already upset at him, but it was difficult to do.

"Do you want to fix this, Sam? Because, I never asked you to spend time with me. Yes, there were times when it happened, but that's because this castle doesn't exactly let everyone just ignore everyone else. We had Hannah and I tried to give you space, but she..." Jo paused, because she didn't really want to use their fake-castle daughter in this fight.

"Look, aside from that and when you offered to help with the Lux, I've given you space. If you are trying to force yourself to hang out with me to spare my feelings - Don't. I don't need your sympathy friendship if that's all you want to give me."

[imnot_likeyou]

"No, you didn't ask. I did it because I wanted to. I'm not trying to blame you, Jo. I know that this is probably more my fault than anything else, but I didn't want to have this fight, and I didn't want to lose you as a friend. I didn't force myself to do anything, but at the same time, I didn't do what was right for me."

His jaw set as he looked back at her, trying to not to explode and really screw things up. "You wanted me to tell you how I felt? This is me doing it. I'm just being honest with you, Jo. I don't want to lose you, but I needed to give myself a little distance. And I'm sorry that I didn't handle things well before."

[huntersdaughter]

Jo shrugged, "Fine. Take your distance, but you can't just wipe away the crappy way you handled it two months ago. I don't care that you got a job somewhere else; I'm glad you've got something to do, even. I'm just ticked that the time you were actually telling me something important it was about how messed up we were as friends."

She exhaled, trying to focus on the main point here and for the most part he was doing a shitty job of apologizing in her opinion.

"I can't make it less weird, Sam. There isn't some other place I can move to and I sure as hell can't just pretend you're not here. I don't just have castle stories to rely on for memories with you, Sam. I've got everything from back home too. So if you need space? Fine, take your space. I told you to sort your shit out before and if you can't have me around for it, then that's fine. You obviously know how to find me, so if you need to - you're more than welcome to."

[imnot_likeyou]

"I'm not trying to wipe it away, Jo. I'm trying to apologize and say that this wasn't your fault. This is mine, and the reason I'm trying to fix it is because we have all that history. And maybe I'm doing a crappy job of it, but I don't know why I did it. I honestly don't."

He took a breath before running a hand over his face. "You mean so much to me. You're not the only one who only has this left. I don't want to lose you over a stupid loss when I don't even know what that was." Which he realized made it infinitely harder to apologize for.

"I was taking my space. And things were fine. And then I had to open my stupid mouth and not do anything about it, so yeah. That's on me. But I'm honestly trying to make it better now."

He was really hoping that this is something that better late than never can apply on.

[huntersdaughter]

Jo shoved her hands into her back pockets, trying to let herself cool off. She knew that she could let her temper and her stubbornness lead pretty strong in an argument, but she had been really upset by what he had said, how he'd acted. In this moment, she was really lucky that she was even willing to listen to him.

"Just because you recognize that your mouth was stupid, doesn't make what came out of it any less true. That's the part I'm trying to sort out, because if you still think that it's weird, or you need more space, I don't want to get in the way of that."

[imnot_likeyou]

"I don't need any more space than I'm already getting," Sam replied, looking her dead in the eye and not flinching. She already knew that he was a good liar, but he'd like to think that she knew him well enough to know when he was telling the truth as well. "Before my mouth was stupid."

[huntersdaughter]

Well, the beauty of her loss was that everything she'd been saying had been the truth too, there was no way for her to cover up or lie about it. Not to him and definitely not about this.

"Alright." It doesn't feel alright, but she knows that it just won't go away in an instant. His apology - as crappy as it is - doesn't make it better, but it at least lets her know that he's trying.