(Untitled)

[autophoenix]

Who: Claire Bennet (autophoenix) and Clark Kent (clarklike)
What: Breaking more bad news about Paradisa and losses.
When: Late morning on Friday, October 8, 2010
Where: Kitchen, First Floor, The Castle
Rating: PG

Comments

[autophoenix]

He was taller than she expected. Claire looked up from where she was scanning the contents of the fridge and slowly worked up an awkward smile. She could try her hardest and she'd still never be able to be the person all of her 'friends' remembered, and it kept the smile from reaching her eyes. Slowly, she shut the door and turned towards him, bringing both of her hands in front of her and wringing them a little bit.

"Clark, right?" Her tone was apprehensive -- at this point, she wouldn't be surprised if she just had the bad luck of running into some random person who happened to know her in the kitchen while she was waiting for him, but she was hopeful enough to think she was right. "I'm … fine, I guess. I mean, as fine as can be expected." Which wasn't fine at all, really.

Guilt had been biting at her all morning -- she couldn't stop apologizing for things that weren't her fault. For not being able to remember. On top of that, she got to just suffer in silence while she worked on accepting the fact that she was never going to see her family again. It wasn't exactly going high in her 'best of …' list of mornings. And, well, as much as she'd like to be totally forthcoming, she wasn't sure she had it in her to say all that, let alone throw it at some random stranger.

[clarklike]

"That's right," he said, noting that smile. "Clark Kent."

He approached, though he kept a friendly distance. Clark knew first-hand what it was like to have people know him from times he had no memory off, and that wasn't because he'd been in Paradisa before.

"You're doing better than a lot of people would, especially with all the people you don't remember."

[autophoenix]

"It helps to focus on the positives," she explained with a grim purse of her lips, shrugging and crossing her arms over her chest. Talking face to face made it harder to cope with. She could look at him and not recognize him in the slightest, but at the same time, she knew when he saw her, he saw a friend. It was … well, it was unsettling. And it made her feel vulnerable.

"I mean, for all the people who I've forgotten, I've got people trying to help me get comfortable." She chuckled. "Guess I've got the easy end of the bargain, really. I'm not the one being forgotten." It was easier when she forced herself to think of it that way, even if there was still the latent guilt chewing at her.

[clarklike]

"Look, it's obviously not going to be the same. We all know that. We don't expect you to greet us with open arms and excitement."

He leaned against the counter, hands in his pockets. Clark figured she wasn't terribly happy with this arrangement, but that stood to reason.

"But if you want to know anyone again, the door's open. Whatever pace you're comfortable with. First priority is you, not us."

[autophoenix]

That was reassuring -- whether he meant it or not, Claire's shoulders slouched a little bit as she relaxed. Even if it wasn't true for all of them, Clark seemed to mean it, at least. It was nice to know she wasn't going to be held to some impossible standard of a self she'd never get to be again. Memories she'd never get to regain.

Her expression softened and she just nodded some, biting her lip.

"I want to try. I mean, if you were important to me before, then I think it only makes sense for me to try again." But, that meant trying for herself, not reading back to see how she was supposed to act to seem normal. It would drive her out of her head. "So, let's just get the bad news out of the way, okay? And then you can tell me how I'm supposed to know you."

[clarklike]

No matter how ready he was to accept that she might not want to know him again, he felt a rush of relief when she said it. He nodded, letting a smile pass, but he kept his composure; this was a bit serious.

"Mm. Has anyone mentioned losses to you, yet?"

[autophoenix]

The reminder that she still wasn't aware of what she was missing made the smile on her face slip a little into a grim, thin line. It made sense that she'd have to keep talking about it, of course, but she couldn't help wishing it would just go away so she could stop worrying about it. But, avoiding had never gotten her anywhere, so she just nodded firmly.

"Yeah, I got the basic run down. Something important to us -- not necessarily an object, a memory maybe. Gone. Payment for the castle's ferryman or something, I'm guessing?"

[clarklike]

"That's the theory," he replied. "It's a price, something really precious in exchange for the luxury here. No one's come up with a better idea why yet."

Clark paused, watching her for a second.

"You've lost a memory of a person. Memories are probably the most painless losses, because you can't really miss something you don't remember having. Not that it makes them any easier to handle."

[autophoenix]

"Luxury? Is that what they're calling it?" The displeased look on her face made it clear that wasn't even close to the word Claire would use, but she dismissed it quickly enough. She wasn't going to sit here and complain to Clark about her hard life. That would just be messy and awkward and really, why was it any of his business? She sighed, but at his assertion, narrowed her gaze.

"How do you know what I've lost? I thought it could take months to figure out something like that." Though, really the burning question was where do you get off thinking you know me well enough to decide what I lost, but she was keeping that one to herself, so instead she just fixed him with an expectant look and raised her eyebrows.

[clarklike]

He mulled over that for a second, and shook his head. "I don't think whether it's luxurious or not is really up for debate. This place is all about extravagance, for absolutely everything. I just don't think it'd take a price for the bad things it does."

The look on her face hurt, but he reminded himself to not take it personally. Tried to, anyhow.

"I don't know Peter too well, but I know you did."

[autophoenix]

"Look, I told you," Claire replied automatically, shaking her head and growing exasperated. "I don't remember anyone I knew from here before. I don't know any guys named Peter." If he had a point, she was missing it.

It was hard to see past her own blinders to realize he was hinting that it might have been something she'd lost when she was dealing with apparent memory loss on a major scale all day. It was hard to separate them.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what he told you, but I really don't know him, and I don't know why he'd say I did."

[clarklike]

"That's what I'm saying, Claire. Your loss is Peter," he said, pointedly.

[autophoenix]

Claire opened her mouth to argue but stopped short, looking awkwardly agape for a moment then slowly pressing her lips together. He seemed so sure. But, if she were really missing an entire person like that, she'd know, wouldn't she? There'd be holes -- gaps in her memory, right? Really blatant gaps. But, she couldn't think of anything she was missing.

But, the more she thought about it, the more she compared the situation to dealing with Zach and Sandra when they'd been haitian'd and the quicker she began to realize that she wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary until attention was drawn to that memory and really hammered in.

She spent a long moment at a loss for words.

"But -- That's …" She shuts her eyes, brow wrinkling with confusion as she shook her head quickly. "I'd know, wouldn't I? I mean, I can't -- I don't even remember ever meeting someone named Peter besides … some annoying kid in the third grade. How can it just … be gone?" Her heart twisted in her chest. Something with that kind of power was scary -- not only that, though. The scariest part was not knowing parts of her own life and knowing she'd never be able to get it back.

[clarklike]

He hated seeing her upset, and he shook his head. It was something he had gone through, too, but that never made it any easier to pass on the truth to other people.

"I had no idea I ever had an adoptive father until it was explained to me," Clark offered. "There was nothing. Not until I went over my entire life and looked for the events that seemed like they were missing something, where the events make no sense without that person there."

[autophoenix]

It was textbook, what he was trying to do. Share a similar experience to reassure her, so she'd feel consoled that she wasn't totally alone in the world or in what she was feeling. The only problem was that Claire had a kind of natural defense mechanism that kept her from letting that kind of thing work on her.

She'd done a lot of work to build up those walls, telling herself that no one was like her and no one was going to be in her place or understand the things she'd been through. So, instead of breaking down and letting herself show how upset the thought really made her, how unfair it was that she'd lost her family and was never going to see them again and now she couldn't even remember one of her loved ones, she just forced it down and swallowed the sadness, putting on a brave face.

"I guess knowing's better than not knowing, right?" She gave a hollow chuckle. "I guess … I should say thanks. For letting me know." The questions burned the ask what he knew about Peter, what he was to her, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She knew that if she did, she'd start crying, and she wasn't going to let that happen. Her facade of a weak, thin smile that didn't reach her eyes was crappy enough already.

[clarklike]

He wondered, vaguely, how let her know he was trying to be on the same page. Maybe they'd never line up their similarities perfectly, but Clark knew what it was like to have emotional walls. To have abilities. To question his parentage. To put on a brave face.

All those things had been instrumental to him, growing up, and he knew those things weren't his qualities alone. Lots of people in Paradisa had them, if not most.

"Better to get it over with, I think. I know people who haven't figured out their losses after months, and just just eats at them."