[Log: Lucrecia and Vincent] In a dress that's painted black...

[and_it_aches]

Who: Lucrecia (questionsof) and Vincent (and_it_aches)
What: Meeting up DX
Where: Outside the castle.
When: After Lucrecia's first post.
Raitng: PG-13 for wangst and some blood.

Finding her way out of the castle was easy, and it gave Lucrecia times to try and sort her thoughts. Paradisa, a castle somewhere foreign and a place that pulled in people from other worlds, magical journals that the residents could write in… none of it quite made any sense, but neither did what she was doing.

Last she knew, she had still been in her crystal. Last she knew, Vincent was moving on with his life-and she had been happy for him. But that had been in writing in the journal, and he had asked to see her, and she couldn't say no, even if she was afraid. Afraid to see what state he was in, especially if it seemed he didn't remember.

Standing beneath a large tree on the side of the castle, Lucrecia looked up at it and tried not to think about the irony.

The irony and the angst melancholy, slightly detached feeling that spurned from it was not lost on Vincent as his eyes found themselves drawn to the tree that Lucrecia stood under, a branch curving just perfectly like an arch over her head. Perhaps he should of brought a picnic basket, he mused, then mentally kicked himself in the face for such an indecent thought. He did, however, place his hands behind his back in an effort to hide the state of his arms--more specifically the left--as he approached.

Lucrecia... She was still as beautiful as he had last seen her, though the utterly tortured look on her face did not appear to be present--the look he had caused before and hoped he would not cause again. He remained silent, waiting for her to notice his presence.

She didn't notice him right away. It took several moments of staring up at the sky through the tree's branches before she felt a chill and quickly turned around, eyes widening until she realized whom it was that was standing there.

"Vincent?" Lucrecia asked softly, taking a few steps towards him so that she was close, but not quite in reach. She knew it was him, and she knew what to expect. Though she hadn't physically seen him with her own eyes since leaving Nibelheim, her heart told her what to expect. Her questioning tone and concerned expression were more about the situation as a whole: Was it really him? Was this really happening?

Vincent nodded at the questioning lift of his name, lowering his eyes and bending slightly at the waist in a respectful manner, unsure of what else to do. If he would of acted on his smaller urges, he would of... embraced her, which was just not acceptable behavior, or he would of stared, which was also varying degrees of not right. So he decided to keep his gaze on her ankles--dainty things--and his hands behind his back.

Despite her emotions tripping over themselves, Lucrecia found herself smiling at his actions. Still acting like a Turk, all protocol and stiff bows.

But the memory took the smile off of her lips. He wasn't that Turk anymore. He was… the result of a horrible mistake. Her horrible mistake, and her throat constricted painfully. The fact that he believed he had just come from Hojo locking him up did not help the matter at all, and before Lucrecia could stop herself she had crossed the distance between them and had wrapped her arms around him, cheek pressed against his shoulder.

She refused to cry, refused to panic when she realized what she was doing. She could only repeat herself, over and over. "I'm so sorry, Vincent. I'm so sorry…"

Vincent had opened his mouth to speak to her--tell her something--but all thought of that flew out of his rather fragile state of mind when she was suddenly pressed up against him and hugging him. His jaw closed sharply in surprise, wincing as he bit the inside of his cheek and tasting blood as he put his hands on her shoulders in surprise, caught between pushing her away and pulling her closer until he just decided to... stand there, hands on her shoulder, prosthetic hand open for view, unsure of how to respond but feeling her breath against him like this made his legs feel like jello and his breath quicken. "L-Lucrecia..."

"Oh, I-" God, had he flinched at her touch? Lucrecia quickly released him, and she would have turned away had his hands not been on her shoulders. She didn't have the heart to slap them away, but she managed to look away, her own hands and her hair covering the shameful blush on her cheeks. She didn't have the right to touch him, not after everything.

"I'm s-I shouldn't have done that, it was… inappropriate, I know. I shouldn't…" Lucrecia felt the urge to flee, but quietly pushed it down, not looking at Vincent's face. "Sorry."

Vincent released her shoulders, arms falling limply to his sides. He was a monster. She shouldn't touch him, couldn't touch him--it was what made him so surprised, her touch, because she had embraced him so fully, like she didn't notice his hideous features. He remained silent for the most part, gazing at her, wondering at her quick and repetative apologies--what did she have to be sorry for? It was he who should be sorry--his looks, his presence, his being here and burdening her. Perhaps... confusing her?

He wet his lips, folding his arms across his chest. "It is... alright."

Lucrecia glanced up, and then took a step back. There. She wasn't all that much shorter than him, but she still had to look up. Now with her emotions carefully in check, she could look at him levelly.

"It's… good to see you again, Vincent," she tried. Everything was awkward and full of regret, but maybe idle chatter would ease the mood.

Vincent's head jerked up--he had been eyeing the blades of grass beneath them--and looked at her in surprise, crimson eyes widening slightly and lips parting. Good to... see him? He quickly reigned control in over himself to nod slightly. "You as well," he breathed out.

"I thought I would be alone here," Lucrecia admitted, brow creasing slightly. It still didn't feel real. She hadn't expected to see anyone she knew, let alone Vincent. With her luck it could have easily been Hojo.

The thought made her feel sick, and she looked away before focusing on Vincent once again. "I never thought we'd meet again, like this." Or at all.

Vincent might of preferred to be alone in this place, rather then the people who told him things that couldn't be true, that he'd lost his memories, but Lucrecia was here so perhaps it wasn't as bad as he had thought. He paused, shifting slightly in place, continuing to watch her face silently and nodding at her last statement.

It had been thirty years since he had last seen her... Thirty years and another life, it seemed.

"… how have you been?"

It was a bold question, and very broad, but Lucrecia wanted to hear him talk. Even if it were bad, even if he said things she didn't want to hear, she wanted to hear him speak. The quiet was making her nervous, and she clasped her hands behind her back in order to stop herself from fidgeting.

Vincent paused, then couldn't help the slight bitter, breathy raspy sound that escaped his chapped lips. "I have been asleep," he replied softly, shaking his head. "At least, that is my last memory. They tell me I have been doing other things--fighting, playing hero." He shook his head and sighed. "So I could not answer your question fully."

Lucrecia lowered her eyes. "No, that… whoever 'they' are, they're right. I know you did more than that."

She sighed, running a hand through her bangs. Chaos… and Omega. Did he really not remember? For some reason, she couldn't find the strength to voice it. He hadn't been asleep, no, not at all.

Vincent frowned. Everyone remembered more than he did, even the... previously deceased? He shifted uncomfortably once more, hesitating before speaking. "How do you know?" It came out harsher than he would of liked, but... There was no tiptoe way to go about this, he supposed

She winced, even if he wasn't actually yelling or anything close to it. Lucrecia bit her lip-no, she wasn't going to mention it until she had to. Would he be happy to learn that he had moved on? That after fighting old ghosts he had began to live again?

"… you used to visit the cave in which I sealed myself in," she said softly, watching him with a carefully blank expression.

Vincent paused, then shook his head. "No... I would of remembered that. Visiting you..." Unimportant memories, they could be forgotten... How could he ever forget visiting Lucrecia? Sealing herself... Her own coffin? He shook his head again. "That cannot be."

"It is," Lucrecia insisted gently, the lack of remembrance making her stomach lurch. "I don't know why you've forgotten, but it's the truth."

She wanted to say that she wouldn't lie to him, but he really had no reason to trust her in the first place.

Vincent's frown deepened until it was almost painful. He didn't know, she didn't know, people blamed it on the castle... He sighed gently, relaxing the frown off his face and tucking his chin back into the folds of his cloak.

"I see..."

Lucrecia wanted to tell him that no, he probably didn't see. That was the problem. Instead, she forced up a would-be smile. "It's okay, though. It doesn't change anything."

He was still Vincent Valentine, the once Turk that had his life ruined because of her stupid, heartless mistakes.

Vincent's expression didn't change, whether it was because he had not heard her words or simply did not find them comforting--well, it was mostly the latter, in that case. "Doesn't it?" he murmured. "It almost feels as if I should be different."

"No, I don't think so," Lucrecia said, now turning away and looking up at the tree again. It wasn't quite like that one where their spot had been, but it was large and green and looked nice. "Memories are indeed a large part of what makes a person who they are, but it's not as if you've forgotten who you are."

Vincent made a thoughtful noise, falling back slightly to lean against the thick trunk of the tree, keeping his arms folded and looking down, musing. He felt now what he had not felt before, a certain incompleteness, that emptiness from the holes in his memory. His lost friends... that was the word he had used for them, correct? The men and women he had bonded with over time. He let out a heavy breath. No, he had not forgotten who he was, but he had lost some part of him along the way.

"Maybe it's only temporary," she offered, glancing at him. "They could come back. Sometimes people lose their memories due to temporary amnesia, but that doesn't meant that they're gone forever."

Maybe's and could's. Vincent looked up to her, frown gone from his face for now, and shrugged with one shoulder. "Perhaps," he murmured.

Resisting the urge to apologize again took looking down at the ground for a few moments. She looked up when she felt she could talk without uttering another 'sorry'.

"I'm not keeping you, am I? I'm sure you don't want to spend all day talking to old ghosts." Her tone was almost cheerful, though the smile on her face was a little lacking.

Vincent wanted to tell her that he felt he was a ghost too--that they could be ghosts together--but bit his tongue and simply shook his head. "No, I have no where else to be." He winced internally, it sounded like he had only wanted to see Lucrecia because it was some bored desire.

"Lucrecia," he started instead, looking to her firmly. "Before, you said.. being visited. Were you... alive?"

Lucrecia nodded. She didn't want to intrude on him if he was beginning to move on and have a life here, in-Paradisa, right.

His question surprised her. "Yes," she said, watching him carefully for any sign of recognition. "But… I had sealed myself away in a state of suspended animation." Her mind and her body had been too weak to do much else. But for now, she felt… not okay, but an odd sort of numb. She hoped the feeling wouldn't give way to something worse.

He searched his mind for anything connecting to such a sight, this seal, visiting Lucrecia... A crystal... And water? Vincent hissed as a sudden pain seized him, starting from behind his eyes as if someone was trying to cut them out from the inside and quickly spreading to the rest of his body. He clenched his eyes shut, human and prosthetic hand coming to cover his face as he groaned. What was this!?

But as soon as the excruciating pain had come, it had left, leaving him panting and clutching his face a little too hard for his liking. His prosthetic hand had cut into his skin, leaving little droplets of blood in their sharp wake.

Vincent!" Lucrecia quickly moved towards the man, afraid but still worried all the same. It was hard to tell whether the doctor, the scientist, or the ordinary woman within Lucrecia prompted her to move near him, even though she could image how easy it would be for him to push her away.

Differently from the way his father had pushed her away, of her.

She carefully put her hands on his arms, speaking in a calm tone. "Stop, you've hurt yourself… shhh."

"I-"

Vincent was sputtering almost incoherently now. It was not exactly from the sudden, piercing pain, nor the pain from his own claw, but the.. the images, glimpses he was sure he had seen but then nothing, torn out, ripped apart like- His breathing was out of control now, out of healthy rhythm. What was happening to him? He didn't like this--he wanted to go back to his coffin and sleep, just sleep. Vincent let out a strangled noise, claw twitching and digging further into his skin.

"P-please," he uttered, but didn't know to whom he was pleading with.

Panic was begging to creep its way into Lucrecia's voice. "Vincent-Vincent, stop." She was pressing down as hard as she could on his arm, trying to get him to stop hurting himself. But her strength was nothing compared to his, and so all she could do was yell.

"Stop it!" She cried desperately. Run, her mind told her. Run, and get away, pretend this never happened. But she couldn't-wouldn't-let her legs carry her away from him, not when he was like this. Not when she had caused this. She tugged on his arm again. "Stop, Vincent!!"

Lucrecia, Lucrecia, Lucrecia... Lucrecia wanted him to stop, so he had to... Vincent scrambled for control over his breathing, chest heaving but eventually, slowly, relaxing into that normal pace but with a few added hitches. He slowly removed his hands from his face, wincing as his claw slid out of the punctures it had created from mere twitching, trembling--slightly, barely noticeably--at the feel of blood running down the left side of his face.

"I am sorry."

Lucrecia unconsciously swiped her fingers under her eyes, only noticing now that there had been tears there. She let out a shaky breath. "It's not your fault. It's okay now, here."

She reached up with a sleeve of her white lab coat to attempt to wipe the blood off of his face. She almost couldn't stand the sight. Blood on him was a horrible reminder of the past. So it didn't bother her if her coat was ruined. It wouldn't be the first time his blood was on her, after all.

Vincent tensed as her hands came near with the intention to wipe the blood off, and his human hand raised to gently wrap around her wrist and pull it away. He shook his head. "I'll stain you," he murmured. And I've done so much of that already.

He released her wrist, instead undoing the bandana around his head with one hand to press the cloth gently against his face. "I'm sorry. I was being stupid," he said tonelessly, averting his gaze from her. Idiot, idiot.

"Don't say such things," Lucrecia's face darkened into something between anger and hurt, and she sharply pulled back her wrist once it was released. "It doesn't matter."

But she let him do as he pleased. "Are you okay?"

Vincent frowned lightly at her but said nothing to her first words, instead pressing the cloth more tightly against his cheek. The blood would clot soon, certainly.

"... Yes," he replied at length.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, eyes stinging again and wanting so badly to just break down and cry. "I know that this isn't exactly pleasant, and… whatever made you forget must be frustrating..."

Lucrecia frowned. "… but I want to help you, if you'll let me. I…" Don't want to lose you again. "Don't want you to suffer, but if it's me, then…"

She'd leave him alone.

"It's not you," the words bubbled forth, the awkwardness coming from his old Turk days, death in a blue suit feeling not-quite deadly when faced with this woman. "It is me. It is my..." He shook his head, trying again. "It is me."

He didn't want her to lose her again, not with a chance of being reunited, to gain her forgiveness for failing her when it most mattered.

It was consoling to hear him say that it wasn't her, even if that wasn't the truth. But she was concerned by the rest of his words. "You're stronger than you think you are."

She had seen it. He had taken control over Chaos, something she never dreamed would be possible. Even if he didn't remember it, it still happened.

Vincent looked at her silently, shifting his weight and gazing at her from behind his bangs. He assumed that not yet trying to fling himself from the very roof of the castle was proof of her statement somewhat being true, though he had certainly had the desire to build a coffin in the basement of the castle, a place where not many seemed to inhabit. But this wasn't about him, really, he was more focused on the woman standing across from him.

"You are, as well," he uttered softly.

"Not really," she replied, an odd note of cheer in her voice, "But thank you." A woman that did the things she had done could be nothing but weak. The only strength that was in her came from something that didn't belong in humans, the results of…

Lucrecia frowned, feeling as if she had hit a mental roadblock. She shook her head very slightly. She was probably in shock.

"I believe that you are," Vincent murmured, but let it drop, finally bringing the red cloth away from his face, as he was sure a sufficient amount of time had passed to let the blood clot. He would clean it later.

He gently folded the cloth into his human hand, then placed it in one of his pockets. Once that was done, he glanced briefly at Lucrecia, who seemed to be lost in her own thoughts, so instead turned his gaze up towards the sky, sighing softly.

The motion, more than the words, caught Lucrecia's attention. She gazed at the wounds openly, hoping he would know it was out of concern rather than morbid fascination.

"You need to be more careful. You're lucky you didn't get your eyes." The ones that looked just like his father's.

However concerned Lucrecia may of been, her gazing still made him uncomfortable, and he pulled up the collar of his cloak to better hide his face.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I am not sure what came over me."

Lucrecia read that motion easily enough: stop looking. She obeyed, turning half away and looking back at the castle. He wasn't the one who needed to apologize. "You should probably go clean that up."

Vincent knew she was right--the wound could certainly get infected if he did not clean it, not to mention blood was probably smeared on his face, making for an ungainly sight on his already grotesque face. Yet still, he felt almost as if, should he leave Lucrecia now, he would never see her again.

"I should," Vincent agreed at length.

"What floor are you on? There must be a lot," Lucrecia said lightly. No, she wasn't going to ask what room. Though she would like to know where Vincent was in this place, she didn't want to create any awkward moments… well, any more than there already had been.

"I am in knowledge of at least twenty-two floors," Vincent quipped with a dip of his head. "I am on floor three."

He hesitated, thinking in appropriate, but diving forward nevertheless. "And you?"

A look of surprise came across Lucrecia's face. Over twenty floors, and still… "I'm on the second floor."

Well, at least she wouldn't be walking back alone.

Vincent paused, then shook his head. Of course it would work out that way... He pushed the thoughts aside, instead raising his human hand to touch his wounded face lightly. "I suppose I shall be heading back, then," he murmured.

"I'll go, too. Seeing as you have to pass the second floor to get to the third…" Oh, this was embarrassing. She was all but asking him to walk her back.

Then it hit her that Vincent would only be a floor away as long as they remained in Paradisa. It was hard to tell whether that was a good thing or a horribly bad thing.

"Then I suppose we shall go together," Vincent murmured with a dip of his head. It was... awkward, but he didn't really mind, not if it meant just being with her, even if he didn't deserve it.

“Shall we go, then?”

"Let's," Lucrecia nodded, allowing him to lead the way. She followed slightly behind, keeping her distance-she had probably frightened him enough for one day.

There was a feeling of regret and sadness whenever she looked over at Vincent, but a part of her was just so happy to talk to him… even if he didn't remember how far he had come.

So maybe all of this wasn't as bad as her mind told her.