[a ragged sigh, and he puts his hands in his face for a few seconds. this is the last thing he wants to talk about, and h curses Paradisa, because he can't even ignore the question. his voice is hard when he answers]
I worry about you because against my better judgment Gellert, in spite of all I have learnt, I still love you.
:( Awwwwwwwww poor AlbusiownthehallowsSeptember 4 2009, 16:29:16 UTC
[A sharp intake of breath and then silence for a few moments]
Oh.
[Silence a moment longer]
Then you can not blame me for worrying over you.
[Murmurs wrapping his head around Albus' words, trying to phrase what he wants to say.]
Albus. The castle gave me back my magic and my wand but I feel as if the last time I touched it I was a different man. I say this because I wish to know. I wish to listen and understand.
I have caused you a great deal of pain, I know this.
[Frowns and slips in and out of German]
Tell me truthfully, what can I do to alleviate some small part of that pain...to make amends just a little?
[he's only half listening, because he feels awful that he still cares about Gellert. but the bit about the wand catches his attention]
Ah. Did you, now? [feels happy for him. he's nowhere near as interested in seeing the Elder Wand as he would have been a while ago, though] That's good. I'm sorry, but I have nothing to say.
At the moment, Gellert? Nothing. Nothing at all. Neither of us can change the past, and our future at home is set in stone. What happened to... my sister is just as much my fault as anyone else's. To try to 'make amends' for it... there's nothing, Gellert.
[Have a long pause and the sound of soft breaths.]
Am I so irredeemable? Even here in this place?
[Says softly]
No.
You may think me weak for believing in this but I am more than you think I am.
If my life were truly set in stone and that really is my fate then it makes little difference if I decide to try. I'd rather that, than go mad with the thinking of a prison cell.
Or would you rather believe in my immovable wickedness because your pain at my betrayal of you is so blinding?
Is that what you gleaned from my words, Gellert? That you are irredeemable, weak? I said no such thing, so please do not attempt to put words in my mouth.
I know that we can change here. I have, and perhaps you have too. You have no idea how happy it makes me that you even want to try. But you have to understand that it is not as easy for me as it seems to be for you. At home, things will always be the way they are. I'd like to believe that things can change, but... I cannot, truly.
[the last question makes him angry, actually, and he'd love to just ignore it, but of course, he can't, and he snaps]
Yes, Gellert! Yes, the pain is blinding! Yes, I feel like an imbecile, because I was manipulated, and because of it, people die! Yes, you betrayed me, and I hurt because of it! But do I think you 'immovably wicked'? No!
[:| there's some silence, because he's upset for letting his emotions show like this. the whole thing was already putting him ill at ease, and now, this. he takes a deep breath, and continues in
( ... )
[there's an even longer pause. he's not proud of his outburst, especially since he's like, the eternally calm one. ugh, damn you Paradisa. tersely, but softly:]
A...Albus?
[Blinks and murmurs uncertainly]
Yes,I am fine.
[Chews on his lip wondering if he can risk asking.]
Are you well...I understand you were locked away.
Reply
Good. You were unconscious for a long time.
I am well. The month and a half in the room did not leave me worse for wear, though emotionally, I am exhausted.
[sod it]
Reply
[Sighs as he thinks.]
I saw your note to the clinic...thank you for looking over me.
[Small pause]
Would you like me to come over to you?
Reply
[deep sigh]
No, I would not. I'm not sure what I would do if I see you right now, and I'm afraid of what I would say.
Reply
[Frowns softly and there's a laden silence.]
Well, perhaps you should have a little chocolate? It is said to be rejuvenating when emotionally drained.
[Offers before picking at the edge of the page, wondering if it really would be so bad for Albus to tell him what he felt]
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I do not wish for you to worry about me.
[wants... to stop talking]
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When you wrote the note to the infirmary whilst I was incapacitated. Did you not also feel worry at the very least?
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Of course I was worried, Gellert.
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[Sighs softly]
Let me ask you...why would you worry about me, if it were not necessary?
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I worry about you because against my better judgment Gellert, in spite of all I have learnt, I still love you.
Reply
Oh.
[Silence a moment longer]
Then you can not blame me for worrying over you.
[Murmurs wrapping his head around Albus' words, trying to phrase what he wants to say.]
Albus. The castle gave me back my magic and my wand but I feel as if the last time I touched it I was a different man. I say this because I wish to know. I wish to listen and understand.
I have caused you a great deal of pain, I know this.
[Frowns and slips in and out of German]
Tell me truthfully, what can I do to alleviate some small part of that pain...to make amends just a little?
Reply
Ah. Did you, now? [feels happy for him. he's nowhere near as interested in seeing the Elder Wand as he would have been a while ago, though] That's good. I'm sorry, but I have nothing to say.
At the moment, Gellert? Nothing. Nothing at all. Neither of us can change the past, and our future at home is set in stone. What happened to... my sister is just as much my fault as anyone else's. To try to 'make amends' for it... there's nothing, Gellert.
Reply
Am I so irredeemable? Even here in this place?
[Says softly]
No.
You may think me weak for believing in this but I am more than you think I am.
If my life were truly set in stone and that really is my fate then it makes little difference if I decide to try. I'd rather that, than go mad with the thinking of a prison cell.
Or would you rather believe in my immovable wickedness because your pain at my betrayal of you is so blinding?
Reply
Is that what you gleaned from my words, Gellert? That you are irredeemable, weak? I said no such thing, so please do not attempt to put words in my mouth.
I know that we can change here. I have, and perhaps you have too. You have no idea how happy it makes me that you even want to try. But you have to understand that it is not as easy for me as it seems to be for you. At home, things will always be the way they are. I'd like to believe that things can change, but... I cannot, truly.
[the last question makes him angry, actually, and he'd love to just ignore it, but of course, he can't, and he snaps]
Yes, Gellert! Yes, the pain is blinding! Yes, I feel like an imbecile, because I was manipulated, and because of it, people die! Yes, you betrayed me, and I hurt because of it! But do I think you 'immovably wicked'? No!
[:| there's some silence, because he's upset for letting his emotions show like this. the whole thing was already putting him ill at ease, and now, this. he takes a deep breath, and continues in ( ... )
Reply
[Murmurs shocked that he's snapped as he listens to it all. Who would make love so very painful?]
Of course. I am not your keeper. I would not have you here against your will.
Reply
I suppose congratulations are in order, then.
Very well. Have a pleasant day, Gellert.
Reply
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