[He actually decides to knock on the door this time; and places his hands in his pockets while he waits to be allowed in, wondering what the conversation could be about. He can never know for sure when it comes to Shinji.]
[Nods quietly, still staring at his hands. DECIDES IT'S BEST TO NOT BEAT AROUND THE BUSH, and thus begins to ramble quickly.]
I . . . I don't really know what you think it was, but. . . But when I saw you last, you. . . I was in my Eva and you. . . showed me you had an A.T. Field. You showed me you were an Angel. And . . . you were about to cause the Third Impact by touching the Angel we held in NERV Headquarters. You. . . You told me that. . . That if I loved you - if I cared for you - that I would kill you. That it was both what I had to do to save the world and. . . What you wanted. To have freedom in when you died. I - I should have tried to talk you out of it, I just. . . I thought you were right and. . . And I wanted you to know that I - [GULP] That I care about you. That you're. . . the only person who has ever showed me what. . . love can be like. So I did and - and. . .
[He trails off, not really able to say much more because his throat is tight and he feels like his hands are starting to shake. So he just lets
( ... )
[Kaworu's smile, subtly having changed into a falsely curious one (in part), quickly fades as those dangerous words slip out of Shinji's mouth, one after the other. Red eyes are silently locked on him, and he gets a familiar feeling inside his chest - the same one he felt for moments during the battle against Armisael - panic, shock, frozen and thinking fast, unable to do anything until he gets the time he needs to reflect and react. He is as careful as possible to not let it reflect on his expression, simply looking back unsmiling and wary
( ... )
[He's quiet for a long time, not quite sure what else to ad. He could go on and on about how he was affected by it, how he more or less shut down and couldn't handle that he'd killed Kaworu. But to expose all of those emotions and to drag that up, to think of Misato trying to snap him out of it, to think of. . . just about everything that was connected to that one decision makes his stomach do flips of sort and he's not sure he can handle that right now.
Sighing, he rubs his neck, still not looking at him as he simply shrugs.]
Is there something you need?
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I see.
Where?
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Yeah. I would.
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[and he's off]
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C-Come in.
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Stepping into the room, Kaworu stands and turns slightly to him.]
You wanted to speak with me.
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I - um. . . When you asked if I remembered our last conversation, I - I think. . . I think the one we remember is. . . probably very different.
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Is it?
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I . . . I don't really know what you think it was, but. . . But when I saw you last, you. . . I was in my Eva and you. . . showed me you had an A.T. Field. You showed me you were an Angel. And . . . you were about to cause the Third Impact by touching the Angel we held in NERV Headquarters. You. . . You told me that. . . That if I loved you - if I cared for you - that I would kill you. That it was both what I had to do to save the world and. . . What you wanted. To have freedom in when you died. I - I should have tried to talk you out of it, I just. . . I thought you were right and. . . And I wanted you to know that I - [GULP] That I care about you. That you're. . . the only person who has ever showed me what. . . love can be like. So I did and - and. . .
[He trails off, not really able to say much more because his throat is tight and he feels like his hands are starting to shake. So he just lets ( ... )
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Sighing, he rubs his neck, still not looking at him as he simply shrugs.]
I don't know.
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