No one blames me. They all tell me that it is not my fault, but that cannot be right. If no one blames me, if no one recognizes my crimes, I will never be forgiven. I have to work to have them be understond and work on obtaining forgiveness to those I hurt.
No, it does not make me a bad person. No, the only person that I wanted to be hurt, was me. I suppose that it worked out that way, but I wanted to die in the place of Saphir. Could I still be killed? Would that make it up to him for surviving?
... He has nothing to be sorry for. I hurt him first.
To die so that Saphir did not have to. It is my destiny to die. I escaped it. I keep escaping it. The Master says that I should cease wishing, that it will not get me anything. My wish cannot be granted now.
It must feel differently to the person wronged, though. .... I betrayed the two people who loved me.
Re: [filter;]broken_clockOctober 23 2007, 02:45:30 UTC
[dictated, quietly] Everyone dies, Nataku. Your life isn't...worth more or less than any other.
[sudden, soft, raw] I wanted to die for someone, too. It - I'm here instead, and I have to live, and so can you.
[written, a bit shakily, after a pause] That's why I said one shouldn't always follow their feelings. ...That's not as high a crime as murdering someone.
That is what he said, too. I do not know the value of my life.
It's painful to be the survivor, isn't it?
I understand. I should have tried to lock them away, like before. I wouldn't be hurt, but I wouldn't be happy. I think that seems all right, given that I do not think I am one that deserves happiness. It should be.
[filter;]broken_clockOctober 23 2007, 02:56:48 UTC
[dictated, firmly] The same as mine, as Vergil's, as the Master's.
[quietly] Yes. I don't...I don't think she died but others have. I always wished...but that hardly matters, now, does it?
I - I know that can be very tempting, Nataku, but...I don't think you should. Emotions are...are worth the risk, you just need to know how to control them.
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No one blames me. They all tell me that it is not my fault, but that cannot be right. If no one blames me, if no one recognizes my crimes, I will never be forgiven. I have to work to have them be understond and work on obtaining forgiveness to those I hurt.
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You made mistakes, yes. If you want to make up for it, then you've every right, every opportunity.
But it - does not make you a bad person. You never meant for anyone to be hurt, did you?
The Master should work towards forgiveness as well.
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No, it does not make me a bad person. No, the only person that I wanted to be hurt, was me. I suppose that it worked out that way, but I wanted to die in the place of Saphir. Could I still be killed? Would that make it up to him for surviving?
... He has nothing to be sorry for. I hurt him first.
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No. [a pause; lighter] No - if he loved you he wouldn't want that. You don't deserve to die for this, Nataku, and neither did he.
That doesn't make it all right.
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[!!!] I suppose not. ... I did, but he didn't... I was going to talk about him accepting my wish tomorrow.
It should.
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Vengeance, Nataku, is not right, or honourable, or just. He's done worse than you ever did.
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It must feel differently to the person wronged, though. .... I betrayed the two people who loved me.
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[sudden, soft, raw] I wanted to die for someone, too. It - I'm here instead, and I have to live, and so can you.
[written, a bit shakily, after a pause] That's why I said one shouldn't always follow their feelings. ...That's not as high a crime as murdering someone.
Reply
It's painful to be the survivor, isn't it?
I understand. I should have tried to lock them away, like before. I wouldn't be hurt, but I wouldn't be happy. I think that seems all right, given that I do not think I am one that deserves happiness. It should be.
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[quietly] Yes. I don't...I don't think she died but others have. I always wished...but that hardly matters, now, does it?
I - I know that can be very tempting, Nataku, but...I don't think you should. Emotions are...are worth the risk, you just need to know how to control them.
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... Wishes are not going to be granted here. At least the important ones.
You do not? ... Someone told me the same. That person is gone. Why are the people who help me leave? You'll leave eventually too, won't you?
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