43. Revenge of the Resolutions
[As is Tradition (which gained the capital letter only for the same reason the Arrangement had) Crowley and Aziraphale have settled down this new years to write their resolutions. It was, of course, a very human thing, but it was an indulgence they enjoyed. As always, Crowley's handwriting was flamboyant and loud, proclaiming the world as his cuttlefish. Or was it oyster? He forgot. Something that lived in the water, anyway]
Resolution #1 - Got too close to having a baby last year. This year, live away from the castle for the entirety of the month. Can’t be too careful about these things.
[Aziraphale had always been fond of this particular tradition, it engendered feelings of goodwill and determination of betterment across humanity - truly, a good day for angels.1 Aziraphale's handwriting follows Crowley's, neat and rather old-fashioned as ever.]
1. Freshly groomed wings are the key to success, nobody wants a repeat of when He arrived and there were feathers bent all over the place.
Resolution #2 - Make a new and better email scam. Probably best not to use Allen again, he gets touchy about having his name linked to mass fraud.
2. Learn how to use CastleNet properly.2
Resolution #3 - Make a fake Bentley. One residents can destroy to their hearts content.
Resolution #4 - Find someone who has the skill required to actually make a fake Bentley. 3.
3. Find out who has been leaving these vintage car design manuals among my book collection.
4. Encourage the opening of a decent sushi restaurant in the town.
Resolution #5 - Explain to the townspeople that it really is very bloody easy to serve raw fish.
5. Implement a January Sale at Closed for Refurbishment, including advertisements.4.
Resolution #6 - Kittens. I don’t know what I’m going to do with them yet, but it’ll be something. Failing that, hamsters.
6. Attempt to explain to the castle what BBC Radio One is. Missing another year of Proms in the Park is not acceptable.
Resolution #7 - Send Spike that present I’ve been thinking of giving him.5.
7. Find out who to speak to about the scheduling for the cinema. A more family friendly showing list would be beneficial for the well-being of the castle as a whole.
--
1. Conversely, the two weeks following this were the worst for Heaven, as everyone abandoned their resolutions and guilt levels went off the charts.
2. This had actually been a resolution last year, but Aziraphale just hadn't quite got round to it yet. It was important though, he always had a sneaking suspicion Crowley was Up To Things on there.
3. Might have to switch those reslolutions around, depending on how sucessful or not I am at getting the angel to do it for me.
4. The advertisement in question would be a singular note in the journals listing the wrong address and opening times, and the sale would be limited to one rather dusty copy of the Beano that had been accidentally delivered one morning and he wanted rid of.
5. Deny all knowledge of aforementioned present to Faye. She might have one of her moods about it.
[ooc: Joint post between Crowley and Aziraphale]
Resolution #1 - Got too close to having a baby last year. This year, live away from the castle for the entirety of the month. Can’t be too careful about these things.
[Aziraphale had always been fond of this particular tradition, it engendered feelings of goodwill and determination of betterment across humanity - truly, a good day for angels.1 Aziraphale's handwriting follows Crowley's, neat and rather old-fashioned as ever.]
1. Freshly groomed wings are the key to success, nobody wants a repeat of when He arrived and there were feathers bent all over the place.
Resolution #2 - Make a new and better email scam. Probably best not to use Allen again, he gets touchy about having his name linked to mass fraud.
2. Learn how to use CastleNet properly.2
Resolution #3 - Make a fake Bentley. One residents can destroy to their hearts content.
Resolution #4 - Find someone who has the skill required to actually make a fake Bentley. 3.
3. Find out who has been leaving these vintage car design manuals among my book collection.
4. Encourage the opening of a decent sushi restaurant in the town.
Resolution #5 - Explain to the townspeople that it really is very bloody easy to serve raw fish.
5. Implement a January Sale at Closed for Refurbishment, including advertisements.4.
Resolution #6 - Kittens. I don’t know what I’m going to do with them yet, but it’ll be something. Failing that, hamsters.
6. Attempt to explain to the castle what BBC Radio One is. Missing another year of Proms in the Park is not acceptable.
Resolution #7 - Send Spike that present I’ve been thinking of giving him.5.
7. Find out who to speak to about the scheduling for the cinema. A more family friendly showing list would be beneficial for the well-being of the castle as a whole.
--
1. Conversely, the two weeks following this were the worst for Heaven, as everyone abandoned their resolutions and guilt levels went off the charts.
2. This had actually been a resolution last year, but Aziraphale just hadn't quite got round to it yet. It was important though, he always had a sneaking suspicion Crowley was Up To Things on there.
3. Might have to switch those reslolutions around, depending on how sucessful or not I am at getting the angel to do it for me.
4. The advertisement in question would be a singular note in the journals listing the wrong address and opening times, and the sale would be limited to one rather dusty copy of the Beano that had been accidentally delivered one morning and he wanted rid of.
5. Deny all knowledge of aforementioned present to Faye. She might have one of her moods about it.
[ooc: Joint post between Crowley and Aziraphale]