010 (Voice)

[painhumbles]

[Whistle] Well. All I can hope is that everyone comes out of this with their tentacle rape virginity still intact. I mean, wounds heal, death only gets you a headstone in the creepy graveyard, but being badtouched lasts forever. Right? 'Course right.

That said, all conspiracy theories about how this is gonna turn into the ending of a bad horror

Comments

voice ]

[badinages]

And suddenly I'm flashing back to a night where I shouldn't have clicked on that link sent to me by Anime enthusiasts.

So, not only are we not aging, but when we die...we don't stay dead? More Death Becomes Her or Night of the Living Dead? Zombies or ...

voice ]

[painhumbles]

I promise that if someone shoots you with a shotgun, you won't end up with a hole in your stomach.... Well, you will, but you'll be dead. And then you'll get better.

voice ]

[badinages]

...So, the hole will close up. That final scene will keep me from botox forever.

voice ]

[painhumbles]

I do kinda feel the castle could benefit from more Isabella Rossellini.

voice ]

[badinages]

I think everything could benefit from more Isabella Rossellini. She's a great actress.

voice ]

[painhumbles]

Yeah, her talent and range are... [...Traaaailing off as he flashes back to that iconic pool scene]

...Were we talking about something?

voice ]

[badinages]

Get lost in your head there, Gabe?

voice ]

[painhumbles]

Eh, Thomas Harris may have the memory palace, but I've got the Chamber of Secrets. It's easy to get distracted.

voice ]

[badinages]

At least you don't have The Room. Tommy Wiseau should never be allowed to make a movie. Ever again.

voice ]

[painhumbles]

Oh, stop. You're tearing me apart, Rory. That movie's such a huge trainwreck, it circles the block from terrible to good to terrible and back to good again. If you can't enjoy it, you have no soul.

voice ]

[badinages]

Whether or not I enjoy slowly tearing it apart piece by strangely blocked, overly graphic, over the top piece doesn't mean that he ever needs to make another one of ... them. Gabriel, I'm going to walk into my room and then for no reason whatsoever, I'm going to sit down - mind you, not on a couch, or a chair but, on the floor - awkwardly. And then, I'm going to play a game of catch with a football while wearing my tuxedo. Wanna join? Or are you too busy blaming the female character whom you had an affair with in a tragic yet baffling turn of events? Or, are you too busy having the most nonchalant breast cancer, I think ever in the history of cinema?

voice ]

[painhumbles]

[IN TOTAL AWE] You're the most sterling example of humanity I have ever seen.

voice ]

[badinages]

...I csn't possibly not take that as a compliment. And thank you, Gabriel. You're not too bad yourself. You're the first person in the castle who's kept up with my references. I'm usually just that girl who talks too fast. And I used to be known as that girl that ate terrible and drank too much coffee and who talked too fast. Coffee. I...miss coffee.

voice ]

[painhumbles]

You can wish for coffee. You can wish for the finest brews in all of Colombia. I'm sure if your room was big enough, you could wish for an entire field and become a coffee drug lord.

...I mean, there'd be no real point to it, but you can reenact Scarface on a daily basis.

voice ]

[badinages]

Were my loss not the taste of coffee, I would become a Colombian coffee lord. I could be Al Pacino. But, at least I wouldn't be reenacting that one segment in Bedazzled..

voice ]

[painhumbles]

Wow.

...That's actually kinda lame as far as Losses go. I mean, it sucks, but... Really? The castle just needed to heighten its taste for coffee that bad?