Comments | paradisa: 𝛃

inmylight_comdr in paradisa

𝛃 - 025

Jul 20, 2011 21:24

Filtered away from First-Gens, Riful and allies, and anyone that might tell them .... and all aliens. Just in case.

[She certainly sounds a little worn, considering from the moment she left Washington's room after discovering his Loss she hadn't really slept, and hadn't really eaten much besides MREs, choosing to shut herself in her hangar and ( Read more... )

kat s-320

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journal for now, and no filter dontpatr0nizeme July 21 2011, 14:18:32 UTC

[Cold anger in his voice.] Kat.

Washington inmylight_comdr July 21 2011, 15:04:21 UTC

[She's never been so happy to hear you so angry. On the other hand, she, not quite willing to admit it. Washington gets a moment of careful silence, and then a cool, tired reply.]

Washington. Welcome back.

Kat dontpatr0nizeme July 21 2011, 15:21:40 UTC

I didn't go anywhere, Kat. You're the one that decided she needed to hide away because an ally got turned into a species she didn't like.

Do you even know how that feels? The worst loss I've had since arriving, and you just ditched me when I was vulnerable.

The first day I was on the loss, after you and York left? The Meta was after me. He broke into my room, because he knew I was on a loss. He could have killed me.

Washington inmylight_comdr July 21 2011, 15:36:55 UTC

[She just listens, quietly, and as much as she hates that she hadn't done anything about Meta, she stands by her reasoning for leaving him alone. When she speaks again her tone is very soft, and very tight.]

I left because I could have killed you.

I lost my family to the Covenant. I lost my entire planet to those bastards, and my entire life has been devoted to paying them back. Don't fool yourself into thinking it's as simple as 'a species I didn't like'. I see them -- I see them I think of everything I've lost.

I've lost a lot, Washington. I can't separate the two.

I left for your own benefit.

Kat dontpatr0nizeme July 21 2011, 15:52:28 UTC

You have more self control than that, Kat. I know you. You could have refrained from killing me. You chose not to.

I was scared, confused, and helpless, and someone I thought I could trust declared that she wouldn't have anything to do with me. I couldn't even speak.

And to make it better? There's now video footage of an elite in my armor colors in my room, being forced to eat dog food. I couldn't stop him. Couldn't fight him. My body betrayed me.

Washington inmylight_comdr July 21 2011, 16:02:56 UTC

If you want I'll go break his head in and retrieve the video logs by hand.

I'm sorry. I couldn't see you past the face of the genocide. But I stand by my decision; I couldn't have handled a week of being around you like that.

Kat dontpatr0nizeme July 21 2011, 16:12:30 UTC

[Softly, sounding almost defeated.] What's the point? It won't change the fact that I ate out of a dog dish for his amusement after getting two handfuls forced into my mouth, because he wouldn't leave otherwise. I don't think I can go much lower.

And you didn't bother to even check up on me over the journal? I could have wrote the response, not vocals required.

Washington inmylight_comdr July 21 2011, 23:35:47 UTC

Your choice.

I didn't check up on anything, Washington. I've been in the dark since I left your room.

Kat dontpatr0nizeme July 22 2011, 01:10:49 UTC

[There's a pause as he sends a copy of the footage he pulled from the security in his rooms to Kat via radio. Have the elite she saw picking up and eating handfuls of dogfood from a dish that says Washie. Better footage than the Meta got.]

Oh, wonderful. That has good idea written all over it.

Washington inmylight_comdr July 22 2011, 01:22:31 UTC

[With a frustrated grunt she rips her helmet off, and the journal picks up the clatter as she tosses it aside. Her tone is sharp and angry and tinted with just the slightest bit of fear. She's still suffering a little from sleep deprivation, what little rest she did get riddled with the same nightmares and flashbacks to home, Washington's sounds as an elite coloring her dreans.]

No, maybe it wasn't, but I did it all for you, because I was afraid of what I'd do. I don't blame you for being mad, but understand I was more angry than I've ever been here and scared.

Kat dontpatr0nizeme July 22 2011, 13:26:39 UTC

You abandoned me. Great way to show that you care. I actually was starting to think it might have been better if you'd shot me.

Washington inmylight_comdr July 22 2011, 13:39:37 UTC

It was either that or shoot you, and trust me, death is not fun. I'm not putting you through that.

Kat dontpatr0nizeme July 22 2011, 13:51:00 UTC

I think I'd have preferred death, Kat. A lot less humiliating.

Washington inmylight_comdr July 22 2011, 14:09:56 UTC

[Sudden, sharp, and angry.] Don't say, you don't know what it's like. Take it from someone who does; nothing is worse.

[There's a small moment as she tries to collect herself, and when she speaks her voice is a little more controlled, and soft.] I'm not willing to subject a friend to that.

Kat dontpatr0nizeme July 22 2011, 14:23:16 UTC

He was treating me like nothing more than a dog, Kat. Do you know how humiliating that is?

So instead, you'd rather leave them alone to face whatever happens.

Washington inmylight_comdr July 23 2011, 01:41:42 UTC

[She listens, because she owes him that much, but her stomach sinks as he goes on. The guilt eats at her, and as much as she still feels she made the right choice, she regrets it.]

[But she doesn't know what else she could have done, and she doesn't know what else to say. Even York's suggestion now still feels inadaquate.] No, I don't.

You had York with you, I thought I'd only cause trouble. Trust me when I say I thought it was the best choice at the time. I'm sorry.

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