01 ☣ Voice...s. Plural.
[There's the sound of two voices muttering and arguing over something before they become clear. One sounds kind of like a cross between the Riddler and a used car salesman, while the other one just sounds like a drag queen.]
Wait, I don't see a view screen on this thing. How am I supposed to see the looks of fear on peoples' faces when they tremble before me? What kind of outdated piece of crap IS this?
[There's a loud thump as he tosses the book at the wall in anger. Elsewhere... There is still a book recording. Mostly because Red’s too full of I-don’t-give-a-fuck to bother.]
Well, fine. YOU. Various ....beings ....of the galaxy. I want you to tremble so that I can HEAR IT. So... make with that already.
I'll be here.
Uh. We’ll be here. [Can you hear that sound? That is the sound of Red’s annoyance. Don’t be leaving his ass out here, brosef.]
Oh, and for those who don't know, which I imagine, isn't any of you [very off handedly, almost bored even] as our fame and general amazingness reaches far and wide, [much more dramatically] WE ARE THE LEADERS OF THE GREAT IRKEN ARMADA. The ALMIGHTY TALLEST.
[Yada, yada. You can practically see him waving his hands. He’s done this a lot.] As we speak, the armada is ready and waiting to destroy... and/or enslave this entire planet and turn it into... I dunno. A gift shop planet. ...We don’t have one of those yet, right?
Feel free to send tributes of snacks or direct general groveling to room 1903. Those who wish to submit yourselves for immediate surrender to our obvious superiority can form a line outside, and we'll get to you eventually.
You have twenty minutes. Starting now. We’re on a tight schedule.
[The next part is spoken away from the book, obviously not intended for the general populace, but recorded nevertheless]
Can we install a death ray in the hallway? I don't want to get body parts all over the carpet in here. It's shag.
Why don’t we have shag carpet in the Massive? I knew those Vortions were holding out on us. [Red suddenly realizes the journal’s still in his... Hands... Fingers. Appendages and coughs in its direction.]
[Oh so loudly and chipperly again]
YES, right outside, single file. That'll do.
First person to surrender gets a complimentary gift basket courtesy of your doomed planet!
Wait, I don't see a view screen on this thing. How am I supposed to see the looks of fear on peoples' faces when they tremble before me? What kind of outdated piece of crap IS this?
[There's a loud thump as he tosses the book at the wall in anger. Elsewhere... There is still a book recording. Mostly because Red’s too full of I-don’t-give-a-fuck to bother.]
Well, fine. YOU. Various ....beings ....of the galaxy. I want you to tremble so that I can HEAR IT. So... make with that already.
I'll be here.
Uh. We’ll be here. [Can you hear that sound? That is the sound of Red’s annoyance. Don’t be leaving his ass out here, brosef.]
Oh, and for those who don't know, which I imagine, isn't any of you [very off handedly, almost bored even] as our fame and general amazingness reaches far and wide, [much more dramatically] WE ARE THE LEADERS OF THE GREAT IRKEN ARMADA. The ALMIGHTY TALLEST.
[Yada, yada. You can practically see him waving his hands. He’s done this a lot.] As we speak, the armada is ready and waiting to destroy... and/or enslave this entire planet and turn it into... I dunno. A gift shop planet. ...We don’t have one of those yet, right?
Feel free to send tributes of snacks or direct general groveling to room 1903. Those who wish to submit yourselves for immediate surrender to our obvious superiority can form a line outside, and we'll get to you eventually.
You have twenty minutes. Starting now. We’re on a tight schedule.
[The next part is spoken away from the book, obviously not intended for the general populace, but recorded nevertheless]
Can we install a death ray in the hallway? I don't want to get body parts all over the carpet in here. It's shag.
Why don’t we have shag carpet in the Massive? I knew those Vortions were holding out on us. [Red suddenly realizes the journal’s still in his... Hands... Fingers. Appendages and coughs in its direction.]
[Oh so loudly and chipperly again]
YES, right outside, single file. That'll do.
First person to surrender gets a complimentary gift basket courtesy of your doomed planet!