004 [dictated]

[duchess_archer]

[A sudden attack of nostalgia hit Archer while walking around. This place is just like a weird boarding school. Actually... assholery included, he may actually have more friends now that--... Anyway.]

Hey. Anyone up for some lax? Uh, a game of lacrosse. To the uninitiated.

Comments

[derpling]

I dunno what that is, but I'll play! I learn fast!

[duchess_archer]

You sure about that? Lacrosse is a game of gentlemen and bros. It can get a little rough.

[derpling]

Rough? Then it'll be just like back home! I've already been in a fight here, how much worse can it get? It doesn't involve bullets, does it?

[duchess_archer]

Hey, that's the spirit! Yeah, no bullets, not unless it's a grudge match. Or if it's in the Bronx.

[derpling]

Oh, if there's any grudges going on, I'll have plenty of bullets for them! I prefer a fair fight though, fist to fist.

I dunno where a Bronx is but if it's anything like home, it must get pretty loud with bullets flying constantly.

[duchess_archer]

Yeah, you got the Bronx right. And hand to hand is pretty good, too. Okay, I'm kind of turned on right now.

Hey, how old are you, exactly?

[derpling]

Probably a couple hundred by now, at least. I'm pretty young still for a youkai.

[Her exact age is unknown so just gauging it based on canon and castmates]

[duchess_archer]

[Used to strange ages by now...] All right. In that case, game on!

Also, a what?

[derpling]

Oh, a youkai! They don't have those where you're from? You must be from the human village, then, or some weirdo world I heard a bit about! Though I think the human village knew about us a bit. Ah, well...

It's like...a monster or demon or ghost or something. I look entirely human, but I've got the strength of dragons and ancient history coursing in me! Don't worry, I won't eat you.

[duchess_archer]

You can eat [Oh, Lana said something about not hitting on everything with a pulse from the outset.]

Yeah, I'm from a place where things are a lot more normal than this. Which, frankly, I'm kind of surprised about, cause I thought being a secret agent was as cool as it got.

[Very seriously.] But hey. [And then rather boyishly enthusiastic:] That's totally awesome. What kind of dragons are we talking here?

[derpling]

[Pfff, nice try suave guy]

Whoever is strongest and can beat the most other people up back home is considered coolest. Then there's the dumb fairy with the big ego but nobody listens to her.

Chinese dragons, of course! Only the best kind there is! I base most of my martial arts forms off of them!

[duchess_archer]

Hah, yeah, there's some fairies with big egos who work at ISIS, too. [Like friggin' Ray Gilette. Not that Archer is exactly homophobic...]

And you know, that's pretty much why I'm the coolest secret agent in my world, too, so yeah. Sounds pretty good.

Chinese dragons, huh? The kind that gets paraded around in the town square? How do you base martial arts around that, exactly? ISIS uses Krav Maga. Ruthless. Efficient. Jewish.

[derpling]

[Pffff. Meiling just lets some of that go directly over her head.]

Does your fairy try to turn everyone into popsicles, too? Maybe they should get together and annoy each other. Sounds like you all would get along well in my home!

No no, like real dragons! Coil my body up like one and bite the heads off of any intruders! Not like...eat them. You know what I mean. Our most important god is a dragon, named Dragon funnily enough, who wouldn't want to imitate that kind of power?

What's a Jewish? Is it a good fighting style?

[duchess_archer]

[He laughs to himself again.]

He'd like nothing better than to have lots of popsicles to suck on, if you know what I mean. Your place sounds pretty good.

[He nods.] All right, sounds pretty badass. Badass enough. I mean, some of our religions just call their god God, which is just as redundant, am I right?

[Shifty eyes, if you could see them:] No... It's ... a kind of person, and, uh, they're a little sensitive when you talk about fighting. Though they do have one of the most efficient militaries in the world.

[derpling]

Well, if he's so thirsty, he should work for it like a good fairy! Then again most of them are pretty bratty. They'll learn someday, I hope.

[There should be an eternal wooshing sound over her head]

Maybe it's a code word or something and only really cool followers can learn their name! I better redouble my training then! And maybe meet a Jewish person, they sound pretty cool.

Where are you? I'll come join you for your game!

[duchess_archer]

Oh, yeah, I totally agree. Bratty and -- not in a sexist way, but -- bitchy. I mean, let's just be honest.

I guess that could be it. Hey, that makes it sound more like Scientology. Great.

I'm sure there's a few of them around here.

[He glances around.] Uh, hanging out on the castle grounds. Yeah, I should paint some lines and get some goals.