Dave: Cut it out.
[strained. tired. took a two hour nap that didn't really help anything. (woke up with a mareep butt in his face. punched it. things kind of snowballed until jess intervened.) still trying to keep up his unflappable douchebag facade.]
so hey
dave here
still thirteen still seeing weird cosmic horror shit
so yeah
not that im pissed at you guys but
still
you gotta wonder what the fucks going on with the people who can
you know
still run around not get tentacle raped by dear old slendy
because uh
dunno if you noticed but your buffer of kidnappable candidates is getting pretty slim
oh fuck this here
castle
turn it off
Here. See? Normal, one hundred percent civil non-douchebag colored text. This shit doesn't even happen, it's so fucking unreal. So here's my deal. I want to know what you guys are going to do. I should give y'all some time to think about it, but right now, I'm not feeling too much like I'm going to pop the fuck out of a lamp and give you three wishes pro bono. You guys have had time. A whole elephant shit's worth of time, and then some. And you're running out. Trust me, I know. Time's kind of my thing. [a pause] Pretty much all the kids I gave a shit about went today. And if we're going by the Dave Strider's Life is a Total Fucking Mess tally, I'm pretty sure I'm next.
There's a thing called horror movie logic back where I'm from, you know, stuff like who gets killed first and last, what happens if some dumb fuck goes off on their own without a buddy, what happens if two girls get stuck in a basement by their lonesome with a chainsaw murderer on the loose. Whatever. So, as far as I know, there are only three people here left from my conglomerate universes, and one's a cripple, so he automatically gets a pass (he'll be fine, seriously). So that'd make me the last dude and Aradia the last chick. And there's a rule about the last dude. The last dude is basically the one who goes down giving the last chick her chance to save her ass. So. Here's me, coming to you guys. Asking what the flying fuck is gonna go down. Because I really need a reason to give a fuck about sticking around or else I'm gonna to find that fucker and shank him right now. I mean, the way things are happening now, he's gonna find me anyway. Might as well get the jump on him, right?
[he's tired and rambling. it's growing much more obvious that he past caring right now and going straight into full on apathy.]
Shit. Shit. You know… I'm not even mad. This is just like… the castle being a dick and fucking pointing at itself at the mirror with this cocky-ass grin, like "I'm the man, it's me", right? Castle does shit, we take it like bitches. Sky's blue, grass 's green. It's not like this is anyone's fault. […] So maybe you guys can tell me what the fuck is going on in big kid land. And maybe on the off chance that they're - they're okay wherever I'm going, I can tell them what's going down. Heads up, guys, help's coming. Just gotta hold off for a little longer while everyone back on the ranch are definitely not twiddling a mass collective of thumbs like a sea of roiling fleshy appendages. Hold off for exactly yay long-
[his ramble gets cut off midsentence. silence for a minute as he turns around and around, trying to see what just popped in and out of his vision just now.
after a moment, there's a strangled laugh.]
Ok. Yeah. That's all. If you've got messages or shit I should take with me before I blast off like a spazzy douche, drop me a message. Peace.
so hey
dave here
still thirteen still seeing weird cosmic horror shit
so yeah
not that im pissed at you guys but
still
you gotta wonder what the fucks going on with the people who can
you know
still run around not get tentacle raped by dear old slendy
because uh
dunno if you noticed but your buffer of kidnappable candidates is getting pretty slim
oh fuck this here
castle
turn it off
Here. See? Normal, one hundred percent civil non-douchebag colored text. This shit doesn't even happen, it's so fucking unreal. So here's my deal. I want to know what you guys are going to do. I should give y'all some time to think about it, but right now, I'm not feeling too much like I'm going to pop the fuck out of a lamp and give you three wishes pro bono. You guys have had time. A whole elephant shit's worth of time, and then some. And you're running out. Trust me, I know. Time's kind of my thing. [a pause] Pretty much all the kids I gave a shit about went today. And if we're going by the Dave Strider's Life is a Total Fucking Mess tally, I'm pretty sure I'm next.
There's a thing called horror movie logic back where I'm from, you know, stuff like who gets killed first and last, what happens if some dumb fuck goes off on their own without a buddy, what happens if two girls get stuck in a basement by their lonesome with a chainsaw murderer on the loose. Whatever. So, as far as I know, there are only three people here left from my conglomerate universes, and one's a cripple, so he automatically gets a pass (he'll be fine, seriously). So that'd make me the last dude and Aradia the last chick. And there's a rule about the last dude. The last dude is basically the one who goes down giving the last chick her chance to save her ass. So. Here's me, coming to you guys. Asking what the flying fuck is gonna go down. Because I really need a reason to give a fuck about sticking around or else I'm gonna to find that fucker and shank him right now. I mean, the way things are happening now, he's gonna find me anyway. Might as well get the jump on him, right?
[he's tired and rambling. it's growing much more obvious that he past caring right now and going straight into full on apathy.]
Shit. Shit. You know… I'm not even mad. This is just like… the castle being a dick and fucking pointing at itself at the mirror with this cocky-ass grin, like "I'm the man, it's me", right? Castle does shit, we take it like bitches. Sky's blue, grass 's green. It's not like this is anyone's fault. […] So maybe you guys can tell me what the fuck is going on in big kid land. And maybe on the off chance that they're - they're okay wherever I'm going, I can tell them what's going down. Heads up, guys, help's coming. Just gotta hold off for a little longer while everyone back on the ranch are definitely not twiddling a mass collective of thumbs like a sea of roiling fleshy appendages. Hold off for exactly yay long-
[his ramble gets cut off midsentence. silence for a minute as he turns around and around, trying to see what just popped in and out of his vision just now.
after a moment, there's a strangled laugh.]
Ok. Yeah. That's all. If you've got messages or shit I should take with me before I blast off like a spazzy douche, drop me a message. Peace.