[399]
[Private]
I was thinking, and I noticed something.
I haven't been writing in this thing much at all. I mean, like, really writing. Compared to even a year ago, I wrote a lot more stuff just to myself.
... There's been so much happening lately that I'm not even sure what to say anymore. But I was thinking, maybe ... I should write a little more about what's been going on lately. In case I lose memories again somehow, or ... maybe just for the sake of therapeutic wordvomit. Sakura isn't here, so I don't have anybody to full-on rant at ...
[a bit of a laugh] I don't even know where to start, though. What did I write the last time I did a real private journal entry? [flip, flip, flip.] Nope, that was just a tiny little blurb. So was that ... [sighs, and more page flipping] No .... no, no, noooooo. Okay, that's enough of that, seriously, that's just embarrassing. [LOL, didn't even make it to the beginning of the year before she found something she didn't want to see. have a pause where she's scribbling out an old private entry LOL]
Soooo, stuff that's been going on lately.
Well, there was that whole stupid thing with Guts the other day. I can't believe he knew what was bothering me ... I thought there was no way he'd guess, dense as he is sometimes [sigh] ... but I guess I'm glad that that's over with. I don't know if I can go back to staying there just yet, I don't want to see them .... doing creepy weird mushy stuff. But I guess I'm more okay with the idea of it than I was even a few months ago.
... A little more. Just a tiny bit. That still doesn't mean it's actually okay. [a 'hmph']
And Apollo left the other day. I kinda said something about that before but I guess it's better if I say it straight up. I'm ... glad, at least, that we were on good terms when he left. But still, I thought .... that he'd be here longer. I don't know.
But enough about that. I hate talking about that stuff.
[a short pause, where she's just thinking ...]
Well, I guess .... on another note, there's, ah ... Leroy.
[sob another pause. she doesn't know what to start with about him that isn't completely filthy ... in a good way]
Well, he's this really nice guy that I've been spending a lot of time with lately, and he's very much a gentleman, and, uh, we've gone out a few times...
Aw, who am I kidding ... [SIGH] It feels so weird to say this out loud, since I haven't said a word to anyone. But I guess ... we have this friends-with-major-benefits thing going on ... he hasn't said a word about anything else, which ... I'm a little glad for. I mean, of course I like him a lot and all - I wouldn't let some creep I didn't trust touch me just anywhere he likes, sheesh! But knowing Paradisa, the moment anything was "official" something would fuck up.
But the benefits of being friends with him? Are totally awesome. Just saying. [lmfao, a little giggle, she can't help herself, it's not in her nature to not like gossiping about this stuff ... even if she's ... talking to a book ...] And he really is a nice guy, no joke. There's the whole giant creepy demon thing, but I'm not too worried since I know now that I can help keep it in check. He's got the whole thing worked out -- I mean, the whole thing where he's this crazy powerful mysterious thing -- and he's not even that upset about it. It's amazing, actually ... guys like him are always broody and hate themselves. It's a little refreshing to see some self-confidence in a guy who's actually really attractive. [another little laugh] But not so much so that it's annoying to deal with.
... [softly] And ... It's really nice to have people like him and Guts who need me around like that. It feels really good.
[another short pause. she's just kind of basking in the cathartic glow for a moment]
Also, there's all the clues and things we've been getting from the world outside of the castle .... it seems like there's a lot of stuff out there. That stuff is easy to find in a lot of people's entries that I have bookmarked, so I won't worry about recording the specific details for now.
... I think ... I might want to go out there again, soon. Not by myself, that's boring and dangerous, but to gather information. Like a regular mission. ... I actually miss having those.
And you know what else? I miss my team. Why can't Shikamaru hurry up and get here? You, too, Chouji! And Forehead too, while we're at it. And Dad, and maybe ... maybe even Sensei ...
[sigh] I know, I know. That's greedy of me. But I've been all alone here with Super Creep Uchiha for months now. Come on, castle. Would it really kill you to just give me a little break? I already put up with the demons from hell and being covered in zombie guts for a week without showering. If that doesn't say "this girl deserves a present" I don't know what does!
And speaking of that, I guess it's good to say that I was really glad that Guts was ... around, when that was going down. When those faces started appearing ... if he hadn't been there, I'm not sure what would have happened. And now, with Griffith around again ...
[a pause, some shuffling]
Mm ... anyways. I think I'm done for now.
[/Private]
[Guts]
Did you see Arthur's entry?
[/Guts]
[A little while after that gigantic private entry and filter, she's re-opening the journal. This time she's got a book, and she's reading up on the top of a tower. What? The breeze is nice. She sounds like she's in a relatively good mood, though.]
Okay, I know how much you guys love story time. So here's a good one for you!
Once upon a time, a long time ago, there were these two feuding clans. The daughter of the lord of one clan fell in love with the young lord of the other clan. But, of course, since her father hated the other clan, their love was totally forbidden. Unfortunately for the both of them, the girl's father found out about their secret affair, and he confined her to the castle, forbidding her to see him ever again.
Of course, that never stops anyone, because we all know when people tell you not to do things it just makes them want to do it more. Right? Well, she was pretty depressed about not being allowed to be with her lover, so you can imagine how excited she was when her boyfriend came to see her. She didn't recognize him at first, because he was in disguise, dressed as a minstrel so he wouldn't be caught. He came to her window and played the lute for her -- I don't know what a lute is, I'm just looking at the book, but I guess it was super romantic back then to know how to play the lute -- and sang her a song with a secret message in it. The message was that he would return at night and bring her a rope every night, so she could sneak out of the castle and they could be together briefly when nobody was around to stop them. Smart, right?
Well, she waited for him to come back that night, and sure enough, after the moon came out, there he was! He threw the rope up, she caught it. She started climbing out of the castle tower with the rope, to come see him ... only to realize that she hadn't fastened the rope properly. So, she fell down onto the rocks and died. But, the magic that surrounded the castle took pity on her - I mean, who wouldn't? - and turned her into a wallflower. So that's where the wallflower came from. In some world, anyways.
So, moral of the story - if you want to have an illicit love affair, make sure you know how to properly jump out a window, or at least tie a knot properly. Or I guess you could make a secret tunnel or something. Be creative! It's more exciting that way.