15 ✪ ten time lords a-leaping
Hello! I'm the Doctor! Tenth incarnation, to be exact.
Scrawny bloke, with the big hair. Some of us like to call him String Bean. [and by some of us, Nine means himself] I'm the Ninth incarnation, by the way, hello!
Oi! I am not a string bean! [ He's resisting the urge to continue this and is instead clearing his throat and returning to the PSA. ] Anyways. We're here today to give you some basics on how to survive your typical Christmas alien invasion.
Tip number one: Hook up with Charles Dickens. Barring that possibility, some other famous author with a quick wit and a relatively open mind. Make sure he knows you're his number one fan. Unless it's old Charlie-boy; then you'll be number two. 'Cause his number one fan is me.
... Considering Charles Dickens isn't here, I'm not sure how helpful that will be. But. Tip number two: Stay away from robot Santas. Yes, I know it sounds odd, but I've run into them twice in this regeneration and whenever they're around, there is always some sort of alien invasion afterwords. Also, a sub-tip: The Santas, or pilot fish as I like to call them, are not only robotic, they have significantly advanced remote control technology. And they rather like using it to turn Christmas trees deadly. So if ornaments start levitating or trees start spinning rapidly... Run. And call for help on the journals.
[brb laughing at the imagery] Oi, I think Charles Dickens is a bit more likely to show up than robot Santas. [totally teasing] You sure you haven't been handed any spiked eggnog these past couple of Christmases?
Tip number three: find a happy medium. And I don't mean a good compromise; I mean a delighted psychic. Though a compromise isn't bad either. Unless it's a compromising situation... [he's just going to keep punning until you stop him, Ten]
[ Ten just lets out a small groan and drops his head in his hands. ] I cannot believe I was this bad my last regeneration. And, no, I haven't had any eggnog. Ask Rose if you don't believe me, it was her Christmas tree that tried to eat Jackie and Mickey.
ANYways... Tip number four: A sonic screwdriver is quite possibly one of the most invaluable tools to get you out of tight spots when dealing with aliens that want to take over the world and consume the entire human race. Unfortunately, as far as I know there are only three here if our Fifth has his. So, in lieu of that, a Doctor is quite handy when it comes to dealing with aliens! Should you find yourself in a spot of trouble, just give a shout and we'll be there lickety-split.
[a pause] Mickey? I thought his name was Ricky. But I still don't believe you about the eggnog, robot Santas or no.
And tip number five: Remember that bit I mentioned about finding someone with an open mind? Make sure you've got one yourself, and be ready for anything. People can surprise you, alien or otherwise, and the situation's never exactly what it seems to be. For example, I thought recycling bodies for the Gelth was a brilliant idea, 'til it turned out they wanted the live ones, too.
It's Mickey, though there is a version of him in an alternate universe who was named Ricky.
And finally, tip number six: Don't panic. Whatever you do, do not panic. There are more than a few people here who are either trained to deal with aliens and have quite a lot of experience dealing with them. Us Doctors are actually aliens, though we're the friendly, non-invading kind. So really, even if things seem bad, we can handle it. We'll get you to a safe place and then work on getting the aliens to go back to their homeworld.
Oh, and for those of you who would rather shoot first and ask questions later? Please give us time to at least try a bit of diplomacy? You'd be surprised how well it can work with some species.
[cheerfully] Yeah, like there was this one time I tried and....no, hang on, it was the other time when....well, anyway, diplomacy is fantastic when it works. And as a final sub-tip: always offer someone a second chance. Generally they'll laugh in your face, but you never know. Someone might take you up on it.
[ Ten's just not going to mention the fact that he's not really a second chance sort of a man. Nine can figure that out later. But! He claps loudly and his grin is audible when he talks. ] I think that's about it. Six simple tips for surviving an alien invasion. Have a Merry (and hopefully invasion-free) Christmas, Paradisa!
[Ten will get a lecture for it when he DOES find out] Got any questions? Concerns? Feel free to ask here, or drop by the TARDIS in 209. Big blue police box, can't miss it.
[mutters]...And ignore that "hopefully invasion-free" bit, castle. I'd rather have the alien invasion than a normal Christmas, thanks.
[ Ten rolls his eyes and mutters quickly to Nine. ] A normal Christmas does not count as domestic.
Oh, and if you do pop by the TARDIS, you should be aware that it's bigger on the inside. It's a bit jarring if you're not expecting it. Aaaaaaand I think that is a wrap.
Scrawny bloke, with the big hair. Some of us like to call him String Bean. [and by some of us, Nine means himself] I'm the Ninth incarnation, by the way, hello!
Oi! I am not a string bean! [ He's resisting the urge to continue this and is instead clearing his throat and returning to the PSA. ] Anyways. We're here today to give you some basics on how to survive your typical Christmas alien invasion.
Tip number one: Hook up with Charles Dickens. Barring that possibility, some other famous author with a quick wit and a relatively open mind. Make sure he knows you're his number one fan. Unless it's old Charlie-boy; then you'll be number two. 'Cause his number one fan is me.
... Considering Charles Dickens isn't here, I'm not sure how helpful that will be. But. Tip number two: Stay away from robot Santas. Yes, I know it sounds odd, but I've run into them twice in this regeneration and whenever they're around, there is always some sort of alien invasion afterwords. Also, a sub-tip: The Santas, or pilot fish as I like to call them, are not only robotic, they have significantly advanced remote control technology. And they rather like using it to turn Christmas trees deadly. So if ornaments start levitating or trees start spinning rapidly... Run. And call for help on the journals.
[brb laughing at the imagery] Oi, I think Charles Dickens is a bit more likely to show up than robot Santas. [totally teasing] You sure you haven't been handed any spiked eggnog these past couple of Christmases?
Tip number three: find a happy medium. And I don't mean a good compromise; I mean a delighted psychic. Though a compromise isn't bad either. Unless it's a compromising situation... [he's just going to keep punning until you stop him, Ten]
[ Ten just lets out a small groan and drops his head in his hands. ] I cannot believe I was this bad my last regeneration. And, no, I haven't had any eggnog. Ask Rose if you don't believe me, it was her Christmas tree that tried to eat Jackie and Mickey.
ANYways... Tip number four: A sonic screwdriver is quite possibly one of the most invaluable tools to get you out of tight spots when dealing with aliens that want to take over the world and consume the entire human race. Unfortunately, as far as I know there are only three here if our Fifth has his. So, in lieu of that, a Doctor is quite handy when it comes to dealing with aliens! Should you find yourself in a spot of trouble, just give a shout and we'll be there lickety-split.
[a pause] Mickey? I thought his name was Ricky. But I still don't believe you about the eggnog, robot Santas or no.
And tip number five: Remember that bit I mentioned about finding someone with an open mind? Make sure you've got one yourself, and be ready for anything. People can surprise you, alien or otherwise, and the situation's never exactly what it seems to be. For example, I thought recycling bodies for the Gelth was a brilliant idea, 'til it turned out they wanted the live ones, too.
It's Mickey, though there is a version of him in an alternate universe who was named Ricky.
And finally, tip number six: Don't panic. Whatever you do, do not panic. There are more than a few people here who are either trained to deal with aliens and have quite a lot of experience dealing with them. Us Doctors are actually aliens, though we're the friendly, non-invading kind. So really, even if things seem bad, we can handle it. We'll get you to a safe place and then work on getting the aliens to go back to their homeworld.
Oh, and for those of you who would rather shoot first and ask questions later? Please give us time to at least try a bit of diplomacy? You'd be surprised how well it can work with some species.
[cheerfully] Yeah, like there was this one time I tried and....no, hang on, it was the other time when....well, anyway, diplomacy is fantastic when it works. And as a final sub-tip: always offer someone a second chance. Generally they'll laugh in your face, but you never know. Someone might take you up on it.
[ Ten's just not going to mention the fact that he's not really a second chance sort of a man. Nine can figure that out later. But! He claps loudly and his grin is audible when he talks. ] I think that's about it. Six simple tips for surviving an alien invasion. Have a Merry (and hopefully invasion-free) Christmas, Paradisa!
[Ten will get a lecture for it when he DOES find out] Got any questions? Concerns? Feel free to ask here, or drop by the TARDIS in 209. Big blue police box, can't miss it.
[mutters]...And ignore that "hopefully invasion-free" bit, castle. I'd rather have the alien invasion than a normal Christmas, thanks.
[ Ten rolls his eyes and mutters quickly to Nine. ] A normal Christmas does not count as domestic.
Oh, and if you do pop by the TARDIS, you should be aware that it's bigger on the inside. It's a bit jarring if you're not expecting it. Aaaaaaand I think that is a wrap.