And why do you sing Hallelujah if it means nothing to you? Why did you sing with me at all?

[paradicescape]

I should probably pick up this novel in front of me in which I have absolute no desire of and absorb myself in the pages of Spencer. However, I find myself redirecting my mind in a more familiar pattern, one that has led me to lay my deepest thoughts unto this journal. Of course, in a few days, I will find the error of my madness and wave it off as

Comments

[paradicescape]

I've mulled over how to reply, and I simply can't come up with an adequate response. However, I hope you found the letter I placed in your senior letter folder. I wrote it at the bar about a month ago, along with several others, but never did turn them in. And maybe this chapter is over, as it seems, but I want you to know you were so important for so long. I don't know what happened to mix everything up exactly, but I'm not looking a person to blame, nor am I saying it wasn't my fault, exactly...I don't even know that I was looking for anything. I was just kind of skirting around obvious observations that I didn't feel as appropriate to write about. I was attempting to avoid such drama.

In the end, as it seems, there is no escape of the drama except to remove yourself or refuse to acknowledge its existence. However, it seems I've never been one to flourish in the flames of such drama, so I flee and pretend I'm not wound amidst it. I realize I've lost a lot of friends, but as it is, I can't help it now and neither, really, can you or the rest. Or at least we all seem unwilling to try to put aside the differences to patch things up. Maybe because it's too far past the mending point and everything is getting thrown away like my Grandpa Derkis' furniture and books. (I found out recently he had passed away, and my dad flew over only to sort everything into the dumpster.) In anycase, Samantha, I just want to let you know that despite how it seems, I care very deeply about you and I appreciate everything you and your family went through in trying to help me. I guess I just didn't want to accept it; needing help, I mean.

And you're right, of course. In a few months, you'll all move on into something so much greater than anything we've accomplished as of yet. College will begin a new chapter, a new adventure, new friends, and a new life. We can't escape the past, but we can certainly grow upon it. I wish you everything you deserve, desire, and more, because you are an amazing, unique person. I think you'll do well in what you pursue, as is the person you are already, and maybe one day you'll finally meet a daughter or son of mine under your name.

[paradicescape]

Hahahaha. Sam it's not, then. =P

Keith actually deleted his comments, and mine looked rather retarded on their own...They were lonely, I think.

As for your senior letters, "She came in through the bathroom window..." Okay, I came in through the front door and I snuck in.

Check again.

[clearconscien17]

nothing happened, it was just a stupid, petty argument. That's it.

[paradicescape]

For something so stupid and petty, you sure involved a lot of emotions.

But that is just my opinion. You're sure to disagree.

[clearconscien17]

a lot of emotion?? Not really...maybe it was for you. I'm sorry if it was. I was just venting, really...nothing big. But it was a dumb argument.