And Then I Crashed Into You (And I Went Up In Flames) (5/7)
Fic title: And Then I Crashed Into You (And I Went Up In Flames)
Author name: paracaerouvoar
Artist name: skeptiik
Genre: Slash
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 26K and change
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers for most of season four and early season five. Mentions of offscreen main character death and onscreen minor character death.
Summary: Jimmy Novak saw it all. The whole story. And he's ready to talk about it. Caleb Gallagher is listening to the only story that matters. The unfolding story of Dean Winchester, a hunter, and Castiel, an angel, the forbidden love set to a crumbling world background. Starting with being pulled from Hell, it rewinds through Dean's past before fast forwarding to the conflicting feelings they have for each other, building to a deafening crescendo in a fight to the death between hell disguised as Heaven.
Masterpost
Art post
Chapter Four
We pay another visit to Sitael, and once she’s stopped tearing Castiel a new one for letting the seal break (‘We’re down to dozens of seals. Dozens!’), she agrees to come back to America. This isn’t a war we can win if one of our more powerful allies is sitting on the sidelines.
When we get back (we have to take human transport, Sitael may be some kind of angel, but her wings are tattered, skeletal and rotting.), we go directly to the Winchesters. Or, we try to.
‘We can’t go to them,’ she argues.
‘Why not?’ we ask, reasonably, in my opinion.
‘Because they’ll recognise me, genius! They know who I am!’
‘And?’
‘They think I’m dead! How are they going to react when they find out that Lilith didn’t rip me into shreds? They’re going to assume I’ve gone darkside!’
‘Then this is your chance to tell them otherwise. We need you Sitael, you have to fight this war.’
‘Stop calling me that! My name is not Sitael, and it hasn’t been for over half a millenia! My name is Ruby!’
--
Eventually, we persuade Ruby (Sitael?) to come back with us, and Uriel meets us in Richmond, outside the woods that the Winchesters have been hiding in with Anna. Uriel wrinkles his nose when we show up, looking at Ruby disdainfully.
She looks back at him, an eyebrow arched. ‘You need to walk more. You’re getting flabby.’
He growls, and we step in. ‘Can we fight later? Anael is in those woods, we need to find her.’
‘Anael?’ Ruby asks. ‘I never liked her. Did she finally do Heaven a favour and Fall?’
I feel that familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach that occurs any time someone mentions Falling, or dying angels. It’s not a nice feeling, more like being sucker punched in the gut.
‘Be nice,’ I remind them, and we set off in the woods. We’re using the connection we have to Dean (the handprint branding) and it’s slow progress, but eventually, we make it to the cabin. Uriel raises his hands, and a fierce wind blows through the trees as the door slams open and we enter, Ruby waiting outside. The panic on Dean’s face drops, and he half smiles.
‘Please tell me you’re here to help. We’ve been having demon issues all day.’
‘Well, I can see that,’ snarls Uriel. ‘You want to explain why you have that stain in the room?’
Before they can answer, we get to the point. ‘We’re here for Anna.’
‘Here for her like, here for her?’ Dean asks, only succeeding in confusing Castiel.
‘Stop talking,’ Uriel spits. ‘Give her to us.’
‘Are you gonna help her?’ Sam asks, standing slightly in front of Anna and the demon.
‘No. She has to die,’ we say with regret.
‘You want Anna? Why?’ Sam asks, moving further in front of her subtly.
‘Out of the way,’ Uriel threatens, taking a step forward. Outside, I can sense Ruby moving along the outside of the cabin, towards the back window. Anna turns and runs, heading for the other door in the cabin. It must lead into the bedroom. She locks it, and I hear drag marks that probably mean she’s barricading herself in.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, I know she’s wiretapping your angel chats or whatever, but it’s no reason to gank her.’ Dean moves next to his brother, someone else for Uriel to barrel through.
‘Don’t worry, I’ll kill her gentle,’ he drawls, smiling darkly.
‘You’re some heartless sons of bitches, you know that?’ Dean growls, his hand reaching for the knife in his waistband.
‘As a matter of fact, we are. And?’ we answer, moving next to Uriel. It’s going to be a fair fight, if we have to fight.
‘And? Anna’s an innocent girl,’ Sam throws the words out hotly.
‘She is far from innocent,’ we reply. Ruby’s reached the back of the cabin and is waiting for something. A distraction? I look at Uriel, and he agrees, an imperceptible flap of invisible wings giving us the go ahead.
‘What’s that supposed to mean? Sam argues.
‘It means she’s worse than this abomination you’ve been screwing. Now give us the girl,’ Uriel takes another step forward.
‘Sorry, get yourself another one. Try JDate,’ Dean smirks, shifting into a defensive position.
‘Who’s gonna stop us? You two? Or this demon whore?’ Uriel throws her against the wall and makes a move for the room Anna’s in, but he’s tackled by Dean. I expect that of him, but Sam’s a wild card. He pleads with me (Cas, stop... please), but he’s too unpredictable. I touch two fingers to his forehead and he crumples. Uriel has Dean on the floor and is beating him viciously. Castiel’s Grace aches to be able to help his charge, but he has orders. He must obey.
‘I’ve been waiting for this,’ Uriel says between punches, smug.
Suddenly, I hear Ruby scream, and a white light fills the room, and we are thrown out of the cabin, thrown halfway across the state. When he land, spiralling wildly and fighting for control over our wings, we notice that Ruby has flown with us, her rotten wings struggling, the tip of one has broken and hangs limply. We get to our feet as Uriel groans, on his hands and knees, his vessel gasping for a breath, and hold out a hand for Ruby. She takes it, struggling to her feet. She flaps the broken wing experimentally, cursing when a twinge of pain sends her crashing to her knees.
‘Damn anti angel sigil,’ she mutters, climbing to her feet again, one wing held at an awkward angle.
‘You know, the sigil threw you too,’ I comment as she dusts herself off.
‘Yeah, I know,’ she snaps, glaring. ‘Broken wing, remember?’ I take a cautionary step backwards.
‘It threw you,’ I repeat, and her glare turns murderous. Another step backwards. ‘I just mean, maybe you’re more angel than you thought.’
She snorts, shaking her head. ‘I’m no angel. Not anymore. I don’t care what some stupid sigil thinks. Help tubby up, he’s no good to us crippled. Even if he is a dick,’ she adds, almost as an afterthought. Uriel growls breathlessly. I help him up and he disappears, most likely returning to Heaven for recharging and Revelation.
Later, when he’s returned, and I’ve healed Ruby’s broken wing as best I can, we head back to the Winchesters. While I might not like how the angels are keeping Anna out of the hands of the demons, I understand why it’s necessary.
Uriel won’t tell us how, but he has the Winchester’s location.
We land outside the abandoned barn they’re using as a safe house and Uriel breaks the doors down again and we storm in, Ruby waiting outside again. She’s still refusing to show herself to the Winchesters.
‘Hello Anna. It’s good to see you,’ I say honestly.
‘How? How did you find us? Dean?’ Sam turns to his brother, puppy eyes wide and disbelieving.
‘I’m sorry,’ he says, looking back at his brother with the same hope-empty eyes he’s had since he crawled out of hell.
‘Why?’ Sam asks.
‘Because they gave him a choice,’ Anna interrupts, standing between the two brothers. ‘They either kill me, or kill you. I know how their minds work.’ She stands on tiptoe and presses a kiss to Dean’s lips. I ignore the strange twisting of my stomach. ‘You did the best you could. I forgive you,’ she whispers against his lips. ‘Okay, no more tricks. No more running. I’m ready.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I say simply.
‘No you’re not. Not really. You don’t know the feeling.’
‘Still, we have history,’ I say reluctantly. ‘It’s just-’
‘Orders are orders, I know,’ she interrupts. ‘Just make it quick.’
‘Don’t you touch a hair on that poor girls head.’ A voice drawls from behind me, and we all turn to see demons. Half a dozen of them, two holding Ruby between them as she struggles, swearing and kicking. Two more hold a demon, who glares daggers at Ruby, bleeding from a gaping wound on her stomach.
I turn back to the Winchesters, both of whom stand there, slack jawed, staring at Ruby. ‘Ruby?’ Sam says finally, and she stops swearing long enough to say ‘Little busy here Sammo. Can we play family reunion later?’
‘How dare you come in this room?’ Uriel bellows. ‘You pussing sore.’
‘Name calling? That hurt my feelings... you sanctimonious fanatical prick,’ the demon, Alistair replies, drawing a knife slowly. It glistens silver in the moonlight.
‘Turn around, and walk away now,’ I say, the undertone clear. If they don’t, they die.
‘Sure.’ Alistair smiles, a smile that makes my skin crawl, and sends chills down my spine. ‘Just give us the girl, we’ll make sure she gets punished good and proper.’
‘You know who we are, and what we will do. I won’t say it again. Leave now... or we lay you to waste.’
He thinks about it, twirling the knife idly. ‘Think I’ll take m’chances,’ he says, laughing. The fight begins. The demons drop Ruby and the other girl, who collapses to the floor, curling in on herself. Ruby leaps to her feet and lashes out at one of the demons who had held her with a roundhouse kick, connecting solidly with the side of his head and he drops, cursing. I face Alistair and fling my hand out, trying to send him back to the pit. It doesn’t work. I try again and he laughs. ‘Sorry kiddo. Why don’t you run to Daddy?’
A demon screams in agony as Uriel exorcises him, and then Alistair begins chanting.
‘Potestas inferna, me confirma.
Potestas inferna, me confirma.
Potestas inferma, me confirma!’
I feel myself unravelling as I’m pushed towards heaven. Suddenly, I’m anchored back to the earth as Dean hits Alistair with a crowbar.
‘Dean, Dean, Dean, I’m so disappointed,’ he drawls in that lazy voice. ‘You had so much promise,’
Ruby takes down another demon, but Anna has already snatched the grace from around Uriel’s neck. Snake-fast, Ruby launches the knife she had just picked up and it hits Anna in the neck. She falls to the ground, dead. It’s regrettable, but it had to be done. Sam retrieves the knife from Anna’s body and spins round to face Alistair, wielding the one weapon that can kill him.
‘This is my cue to leave, I think. Until next time, Dean, m’boy!’ Alistair dissolved into the black smoke all demons are in their natural forms and dissipated into the floor.
Sam helps Dean up, who was kicked in the stomach by a demon, and Ruby cleans the knife that was dropped by Sam, sticking it back in her sheath. Sam then helps the other demon up, asking if she’s OK. She nods, before rounding on Ruby. ‘Why are you here? You’re going to ruin everything!’ she hisses, clutching her stomach.
Ruby smirks. ‘Yup. And there’s nothing you can do about it, bitch.’
Dean rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands. ‘Does someone want to explain what the hell is going on?’
‘This bitch is a fraud!’ shrieks Ruby, gesturing to the demon. ‘I bet she told you she was me!’
Sam blinks and shakes his head again. ‘Ruby?’
‘Friggin’ A, pal! Who else would come in here to save your sorry ass?’ she snaps.
‘Then, who’s that?’ He points to the dark haired woman, whose eyes have turned black; she’s stealthily heading for the door. Uriel moves to block it.
‘I’m going to enjoy smiting you, you worthless hellbitch,’ he thunders, looking smugger than I’ve ever seen him.
‘Sam, you can’t let him,’ she cries, but he looks at her, his eyes hard.
‘You lied to me. You made me think you were someone I trusted.’
Dean leans in to whisper in Uriel’s ear. ‘I think that’s a go for smiting.’
Uriel grins and grabs her around the neck, touching a finger to her forehead and sending her back to Hell.
Dean turns to Ruby and folds his arms. ‘Start talking.’
So she talks, and to their credit, they listen.
She talks about when she was in hell, and how she escaped, returning to her body because it didn’t seem right to take a living vessel, not after everything. She talks about living in England, under the radar from angel and demon alike, and she talks about being a fallen angel.
Sam listens. So does Dean, although he doesn’t want to.
--
For the next month, Ruby travels, sometimes with the Winchesters, sometimes with us.
Sam and Dean slowly adjust to having a demon on their team again, although it’s hard for them, trying to trust a demon after the demon they thought was someone they trusted betrayed them.
Sam still disappears some nights. Dean pretends not to notice, like always. And the cycle continues.
--
After a seal is saved in Greybull, Wyoming, Uriel, Ruby and I manage to track down Alistair as he makes his escape.
After sealing him with a devil’s trap drawn by both Ruby and I, we are called away.
Another angel has died. A sister from my garrison. I fly to her body and pray for her, leaving just as I hear sirens approaching. She’s the seventh. The seventh angel from my garrison to die. My garrison is not on the front line, not anymore, so why are they dying?
Uriel suspect’s demon involvement, as does Ruby, so after many failed interrogations of Alistair, and beyond my better judgement, we’re forced to go to Dean.
We wait in the motel room they’re living in for them to come back from Pamela Barnes’ funeral.
‘Ah, home, crappy home,’ Dean exclaims after he pushes the door open, Sam flipping on the lights as he goes, illuminating the room.
‘Oh come on!’ he cries, seeing Uriel and I there, Ruby sprawled on the bed chain smoking.
‘Winchester and Winchester,’ Uriel greets them, sullenly. He makes no secret, in Heaven or on earth, that he despises the Winchesters, especially the younger one.
‘You’re needed, apparently,’ Ruby sighs, flicking ash into a plastic cup.
Hey Rubes,’ Dean nods at her, to which she waves before going back to her cigarette. He turns his attention back to Uriel. ‘No way. We just got back from needed.’
‘Mind your tone with me,’ Uriel retorts, his muscles tensing.
‘No, you mind your damn tone with us,’ Dean shouts, moving into Uriel’s space, right up in his face.
‘We just got back from Pamela’s funeral,’ Sam tells us, not looking too pleased about how easily Dean’s accepted Ruby, or about us being in his motel room, again.
‘Pamela. You know, psychic Pamela? You remember her. Cas, you remember her. You burned her eyes out. Remember that? Good times. Yeah, then she died saving one of your precious seals. So maybe you can stop pushing us around like chess pieces for five freaking minutes!’ Dean cries, throwing his hands in the air.
‘We raised you out of hell for our purposes,’ Uriel reminds him.
‘Yeah, what were those again? What exactly do you want from me? Dean fumes.
‘Start with gratitude.’ Uriel suggests darkly. On the bed, Ruby rolls her eyes. We’ve all grown used to Dean and Uriel’s arguments.
‘Dean, I know this is difficult to understand,’ I start, but Uriel takes over.
‘And we,’ he pauses to look meaningfully at me. ‘Don’t care. Now, seven angels have been murdered, all from our garrison. The last one was killed tonight.’
‘Demons?’ Dean asks. ‘How they doing it?’
‘We don’t know,’ Uriel admits, looking slightly shamefaced. Dean looks smug about that, the fact that Uriel, as smug as he can be, is not infallible.
‘I’m sorry, but what do you want us to do about it? I mean, a demon with the juice to ice angels has gotta out of our league, right?’ Sam asks, after a pissy look at Ruby, sprinkling more ash into the cup and spreading the smoke around the room.
‘We can handle the demons, thank you very much,’ Uriel says icily.
‘Once we find whoever it is,’ I add.
‘So you need our help hunting a demon?’ Dean asks, I shake my head.
‘Not quite. We have Alistair.’
‘Great. He should be able to name your trigger man.’
‘But he won’t talk,’ I explain. ‘Alistair’s will is very strong. We’ve reached an impasse.’
‘Yeah, well, he’s like a black belt in torture. I mean, you guys are out of your league.’
‘That’s why we came here,’ Ruby speaks up again. ‘Even if I think it’s fucking horrific for them to make you do this,’ she adds, glaring at us. I want to tell her I feel the same way, that I was considering disobedience so Dean didn’t have to do this, but I can’t. I just...
Can’t.
‘You’re our best hope,’ I say to mask the sudden silence, not meeting his eyes. I can’t bear to see the fear behind them. Fear that I put there.
‘No. No, you can’t ask me to do this Cas. Not this.’ I almost disobey right there. Angels are meant to love and protect God’s creations, why are we doing this?
‘Who said anything about asking?’ Uriel says, and then they’re gone, leaving me in the room with Sam and Ruby. She climbs off the bed and puts her cigarette out, walking up to Sam and looking up into his face.
‘You know, we know, Sam.’
‘Know what?’ he asks, almost sounding too innocent.
‘Think about it,’ she says, and I take that as a cue to leave, taking Ruby with me.
--
We’re in a warehouse, somewhere in Canada. No one’s going to disturb us. I show Dean the room with Alistair bound to the iron devils trap, and the multiple chalk traps drawn out on the floor. Even if he gets out of the devils trap, he can’t get out of the room. ‘The devil’s trap is old Enochian,’ I tell Dean.
‘Fascinating,’ he says, before turning away. ‘Where’s the door?’
‘Where are you going?’
‘Hitch back to Cheyenne, thank you very much,’ he snaps, heading for the door, which is suddenly blocked by Uriel.
‘Angels are dying, boy,’ he says, packing more malice in that one syllable than I thought possible.
‘Everybody’s dying these days. And hey, I get it. You’re all-powerful, you can make me do anything you want. But you can’t make me do this.’
‘This is too much to ask, I know,’ I say.
‘That’s what I said!’ Ruby says from the corner she’s lounging in. ‘If you had any idea what hell was like, you couldn’t ask him to do this.’
‘What hell was like?’ I ask, quietly? ‘I’m the one who dragged him out of the pit. Who are you to assume I can’t ask him to do this? You think the image of hell isn’t burned into my memory? Images of Dean in hell seared onto my very Grace?’ There is silence. ‘Never presume to know anything about me.’ I turn back to Dean. This is too much to ask. But I have to ask it.’
Dean looks at me for a moment, his Nile green eyes staring deep into me. Then he looks at Uriel, and I see the rage burning bright, overlaying the fear and all the other emotions. ‘I want to talk to Cas alone.’
‘Really.’ Uriel draws the word out.
‘If you want a snowball’s chance of me getting in there, then you’re gonna shag ass and let us talk.’
Uriel scowls, before turning and heading for the door. ‘I think I’ll go seek revelation. We might have further orders.’
‘Well, get some donuts while you’re out,’ Dean quips, and Uriel laughs.
‘Ah, this one just won’t quit, will he? I think I’m starting to like you, boy.’
He leaves, invisible wings masking him from Dean’s view. ‘You guys don’t walk enough. You’re gonna get flabby,’ Dean says, and Ruby laughs as she saunters out of the room, cigarette smoke wafting after her.
‘You know, I’m starting to think Junkless has a better sense of humour than you,’ he says, perching of the back of a chair.
‘Uriel’s the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone.’ I say honestly. Dean takes another look at me before closing the space between us.
‘What’s goin’ on Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?’ he asks, those green eyes boring into mine again.
‘My superiors have begun to question my sympathies,’ I reply, looking down.
‘Your sympathies?’
‘I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. Even to your brother. They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgment.’
‘So they knock you down the ladder and put Uriel in charge?’ he asks, incredulous.
‘He is a proud and able instrument of God,’ I say, still looking at the floor.
‘The demotion. Doesn’t it get your loincloth in a twist?’
Of course, I think, but I tell him ‘It is what it is to be.’
‘Well, tell Uriel or whoever... you do not want me doing this. Trust me.’ He sounds so broken, so sincere, that I look up to meet his eyes. There is absolute trust in them. Trust for me. Trust I can’t possibly reciprocate, no matter how much I want do.
‘Want it, no. But I have been told we need it,’ I answer eventually. The only answer I can give. It’s Heaven’s will, Heaven’s doing.
‘Cas, the things that I did, what I became...you ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out.’
‘You know what we're all fighting for. And dying for. What Pamela lost her life for. You know what will happen if we fail. For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.’ I answer honestly, painfully honest, praying he’ll see through me as the angel, and see me as Castiel, someone who would give his life for the man standing in front of him.
He closes his eyes, and I can almost taste the internal struggle he’s constantly at the fore of, permanently battling his demons. ‘I’ll need a few things,’ he says finally, and my heart sinks. We’ve broken him, finally. This is a good thing. Now we can stop the apocalypse.
So why does it feel like the end of the world when I look in his eyes?
--
Caleb is sitting in his apartment, listening to the Dictaphone. Jimmy had spoken for hours about Castiel’s struggle with what is just and what is right, and the warring feelings he had for Dean.
He wonders if Jimmy noticed the subtle shift from talking about him and Castiel as ‘us’ to ‘I’. Caleb has set up another meeting with Jimmy tomorrow; he knows Jimmy would have kept talking through the night, caught up in history and could have been and what actually was.
With what notes he has, Caleb knows he can at least start his paper, so he flips the laptop lid open and powers it on, waiting for Word to load up. Then he starts writing.
‘There are two types of angels. There are the guardian angels, the ones who love us, and watch over us. Then there are the other angels, the soldiers, warriors of God. Some special angels are both, warriors and guardians. This paper is about what happens when an angel is caught between the will of heaven, and the love they have for their charge, a bond running deeper than family or blood ever can...’
He taps out a couple of pages, pausing and rewinding the Dictaphone numerous times to make sure he hears everything, writing until the keyboard keys start to blur together, and he calls it a night. Saving what he has, he clicks the laptop shut and collapses into bed, intending to sleep until a half hour before he has to meet Jimmy, in the campus coffee shop.
--
Jimmy beats him there, as Caleb knew he would, rushing it with his bag stuffed full of papers and the ever present Dictaphone. Jimmy is sipping at a latte, doodling on a napkin idly as Caleb throws himself into the seat opposite, muttering apologies and ordering an espresso in a vain attempt to wake the fuck up before Jimmy can get started again.
It’s ten thirty in the morning when Jimmy starts talking. Caleb doesn’t know when he’ll stop.
‘Did you really agree to letting Dean torture, just to get information?’
‘No. I said I would have given anything for him not to have to do this. He was walking through the door to Hell all over again...’
Chapter Six
Author name: paracaerouvoar
Artist name: skeptiik
Genre: Slash
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 26K and change
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers for most of season four and early season five. Mentions of offscreen main character death and onscreen minor character death.
Summary: Jimmy Novak saw it all. The whole story. And he's ready to talk about it. Caleb Gallagher is listening to the only story that matters. The unfolding story of Dean Winchester, a hunter, and Castiel, an angel, the forbidden love set to a crumbling world background. Starting with being pulled from Hell, it rewinds through Dean's past before fast forwarding to the conflicting feelings they have for each other, building to a deafening crescendo in a fight to the death between hell disguised as Heaven.
Masterpost
Art post
Chapter Four
We pay another visit to Sitael, and once she’s stopped tearing Castiel a new one for letting the seal break (‘We’re down to dozens of seals. Dozens!’), she agrees to come back to America. This isn’t a war we can win if one of our more powerful allies is sitting on the sidelines.
When we get back (we have to take human transport, Sitael may be some kind of angel, but her wings are tattered, skeletal and rotting.), we go directly to the Winchesters. Or, we try to.
‘We can’t go to them,’ she argues.
‘Why not?’ we ask, reasonably, in my opinion.
‘Because they’ll recognise me, genius! They know who I am!’
‘And?’
‘They think I’m dead! How are they going to react when they find out that Lilith didn’t rip me into shreds? They’re going to assume I’ve gone darkside!’
‘Then this is your chance to tell them otherwise. We need you Sitael, you have to fight this war.’
‘Stop calling me that! My name is not Sitael, and it hasn’t been for over half a millenia! My name is Ruby!’
--
Eventually, we persuade Ruby (Sitael?) to come back with us, and Uriel meets us in Richmond, outside the woods that the Winchesters have been hiding in with Anna. Uriel wrinkles his nose when we show up, looking at Ruby disdainfully.
She looks back at him, an eyebrow arched. ‘You need to walk more. You’re getting flabby.’
He growls, and we step in. ‘Can we fight later? Anael is in those woods, we need to find her.’
‘Anael?’ Ruby asks. ‘I never liked her. Did she finally do Heaven a favour and Fall?’
I feel that familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach that occurs any time someone mentions Falling, or dying angels. It’s not a nice feeling, more like being sucker punched in the gut.
‘Be nice,’ I remind them, and we set off in the woods. We’re using the connection we have to Dean (the handprint branding) and it’s slow progress, but eventually, we make it to the cabin. Uriel raises his hands, and a fierce wind blows through the trees as the door slams open and we enter, Ruby waiting outside. The panic on Dean’s face drops, and he half smiles.
‘Please tell me you’re here to help. We’ve been having demon issues all day.’
‘Well, I can see that,’ snarls Uriel. ‘You want to explain why you have that stain in the room?’
Before they can answer, we get to the point. ‘We’re here for Anna.’
‘Here for her like, here for her?’ Dean asks, only succeeding in confusing Castiel.
‘Stop talking,’ Uriel spits. ‘Give her to us.’
‘Are you gonna help her?’ Sam asks, standing slightly in front of Anna and the demon.
‘No. She has to die,’ we say with regret.
‘You want Anna? Why?’ Sam asks, moving further in front of her subtly.
‘Out of the way,’ Uriel threatens, taking a step forward. Outside, I can sense Ruby moving along the outside of the cabin, towards the back window. Anna turns and runs, heading for the other door in the cabin. It must lead into the bedroom. She locks it, and I hear drag marks that probably mean she’s barricading herself in.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, I know she’s wiretapping your angel chats or whatever, but it’s no reason to gank her.’ Dean moves next to his brother, someone else for Uriel to barrel through.
‘Don’t worry, I’ll kill her gentle,’ he drawls, smiling darkly.
‘You’re some heartless sons of bitches, you know that?’ Dean growls, his hand reaching for the knife in his waistband.
‘As a matter of fact, we are. And?’ we answer, moving next to Uriel. It’s going to be a fair fight, if we have to fight.
‘And? Anna’s an innocent girl,’ Sam throws the words out hotly.
‘She is far from innocent,’ we reply. Ruby’s reached the back of the cabin and is waiting for something. A distraction? I look at Uriel, and he agrees, an imperceptible flap of invisible wings giving us the go ahead.
‘What’s that supposed to mean? Sam argues.
‘It means she’s worse than this abomination you’ve been screwing. Now give us the girl,’ Uriel takes another step forward.
‘Sorry, get yourself another one. Try JDate,’ Dean smirks, shifting into a defensive position.
‘Who’s gonna stop us? You two? Or this demon whore?’ Uriel throws her against the wall and makes a move for the room Anna’s in, but he’s tackled by Dean. I expect that of him, but Sam’s a wild card. He pleads with me (Cas, stop... please), but he’s too unpredictable. I touch two fingers to his forehead and he crumples. Uriel has Dean on the floor and is beating him viciously. Castiel’s Grace aches to be able to help his charge, but he has orders. He must obey.
‘I’ve been waiting for this,’ Uriel says between punches, smug.
Suddenly, I hear Ruby scream, and a white light fills the room, and we are thrown out of the cabin, thrown halfway across the state. When he land, spiralling wildly and fighting for control over our wings, we notice that Ruby has flown with us, her rotten wings struggling, the tip of one has broken and hangs limply. We get to our feet as Uriel groans, on his hands and knees, his vessel gasping for a breath, and hold out a hand for Ruby. She takes it, struggling to her feet. She flaps the broken wing experimentally, cursing when a twinge of pain sends her crashing to her knees.
‘Damn anti angel sigil,’ she mutters, climbing to her feet again, one wing held at an awkward angle.
‘You know, the sigil threw you too,’ I comment as she dusts herself off.
‘Yeah, I know,’ she snaps, glaring. ‘Broken wing, remember?’ I take a cautionary step backwards.
‘It threw you,’ I repeat, and her glare turns murderous. Another step backwards. ‘I just mean, maybe you’re more angel than you thought.’
She snorts, shaking her head. ‘I’m no angel. Not anymore. I don’t care what some stupid sigil thinks. Help tubby up, he’s no good to us crippled. Even if he is a dick,’ she adds, almost as an afterthought. Uriel growls breathlessly. I help him up and he disappears, most likely returning to Heaven for recharging and Revelation.
Later, when he’s returned, and I’ve healed Ruby’s broken wing as best I can, we head back to the Winchesters. While I might not like how the angels are keeping Anna out of the hands of the demons, I understand why it’s necessary.
Uriel won’t tell us how, but he has the Winchester’s location.
We land outside the abandoned barn they’re using as a safe house and Uriel breaks the doors down again and we storm in, Ruby waiting outside again. She’s still refusing to show herself to the Winchesters.
‘Hello Anna. It’s good to see you,’ I say honestly.
‘How? How did you find us? Dean?’ Sam turns to his brother, puppy eyes wide and disbelieving.
‘I’m sorry,’ he says, looking back at his brother with the same hope-empty eyes he’s had since he crawled out of hell.
‘Why?’ Sam asks.
‘Because they gave him a choice,’ Anna interrupts, standing between the two brothers. ‘They either kill me, or kill you. I know how their minds work.’ She stands on tiptoe and presses a kiss to Dean’s lips. I ignore the strange twisting of my stomach. ‘You did the best you could. I forgive you,’ she whispers against his lips. ‘Okay, no more tricks. No more running. I’m ready.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I say simply.
‘No you’re not. Not really. You don’t know the feeling.’
‘Still, we have history,’ I say reluctantly. ‘It’s just-’
‘Orders are orders, I know,’ she interrupts. ‘Just make it quick.’
‘Don’t you touch a hair on that poor girls head.’ A voice drawls from behind me, and we all turn to see demons. Half a dozen of them, two holding Ruby between them as she struggles, swearing and kicking. Two more hold a demon, who glares daggers at Ruby, bleeding from a gaping wound on her stomach.
I turn back to the Winchesters, both of whom stand there, slack jawed, staring at Ruby. ‘Ruby?’ Sam says finally, and she stops swearing long enough to say ‘Little busy here Sammo. Can we play family reunion later?’
‘How dare you come in this room?’ Uriel bellows. ‘You pussing sore.’
‘Name calling? That hurt my feelings... you sanctimonious fanatical prick,’ the demon, Alistair replies, drawing a knife slowly. It glistens silver in the moonlight.
‘Turn around, and walk away now,’ I say, the undertone clear. If they don’t, they die.
‘Sure.’ Alistair smiles, a smile that makes my skin crawl, and sends chills down my spine. ‘Just give us the girl, we’ll make sure she gets punished good and proper.’
‘You know who we are, and what we will do. I won’t say it again. Leave now... or we lay you to waste.’
He thinks about it, twirling the knife idly. ‘Think I’ll take m’chances,’ he says, laughing. The fight begins. The demons drop Ruby and the other girl, who collapses to the floor, curling in on herself. Ruby leaps to her feet and lashes out at one of the demons who had held her with a roundhouse kick, connecting solidly with the side of his head and he drops, cursing. I face Alistair and fling my hand out, trying to send him back to the pit. It doesn’t work. I try again and he laughs. ‘Sorry kiddo. Why don’t you run to Daddy?’
A demon screams in agony as Uriel exorcises him, and then Alistair begins chanting.
‘Potestas inferna, me confirma.
Potestas inferna, me confirma.
Potestas inferma, me confirma!’
I feel myself unravelling as I’m pushed towards heaven. Suddenly, I’m anchored back to the earth as Dean hits Alistair with a crowbar.
‘Dean, Dean, Dean, I’m so disappointed,’ he drawls in that lazy voice. ‘You had so much promise,’
Ruby takes down another demon, but Anna has already snatched the grace from around Uriel’s neck. Snake-fast, Ruby launches the knife she had just picked up and it hits Anna in the neck. She falls to the ground, dead. It’s regrettable, but it had to be done. Sam retrieves the knife from Anna’s body and spins round to face Alistair, wielding the one weapon that can kill him.
‘This is my cue to leave, I think. Until next time, Dean, m’boy!’ Alistair dissolved into the black smoke all demons are in their natural forms and dissipated into the floor.
Sam helps Dean up, who was kicked in the stomach by a demon, and Ruby cleans the knife that was dropped by Sam, sticking it back in her sheath. Sam then helps the other demon up, asking if she’s OK. She nods, before rounding on Ruby. ‘Why are you here? You’re going to ruin everything!’ she hisses, clutching her stomach.
Ruby smirks. ‘Yup. And there’s nothing you can do about it, bitch.’
Dean rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands. ‘Does someone want to explain what the hell is going on?’
‘This bitch is a fraud!’ shrieks Ruby, gesturing to the demon. ‘I bet she told you she was me!’
Sam blinks and shakes his head again. ‘Ruby?’
‘Friggin’ A, pal! Who else would come in here to save your sorry ass?’ she snaps.
‘Then, who’s that?’ He points to the dark haired woman, whose eyes have turned black; she’s stealthily heading for the door. Uriel moves to block it.
‘I’m going to enjoy smiting you, you worthless hellbitch,’ he thunders, looking smugger than I’ve ever seen him.
‘Sam, you can’t let him,’ she cries, but he looks at her, his eyes hard.
‘You lied to me. You made me think you were someone I trusted.’
Dean leans in to whisper in Uriel’s ear. ‘I think that’s a go for smiting.’
Uriel grins and grabs her around the neck, touching a finger to her forehead and sending her back to Hell.
Dean turns to Ruby and folds his arms. ‘Start talking.’
So she talks, and to their credit, they listen.
She talks about when she was in hell, and how she escaped, returning to her body because it didn’t seem right to take a living vessel, not after everything. She talks about living in England, under the radar from angel and demon alike, and she talks about being a fallen angel.
Sam listens. So does Dean, although he doesn’t want to.
--
For the next month, Ruby travels, sometimes with the Winchesters, sometimes with us.
Sam and Dean slowly adjust to having a demon on their team again, although it’s hard for them, trying to trust a demon after the demon they thought was someone they trusted betrayed them.
Sam still disappears some nights. Dean pretends not to notice, like always. And the cycle continues.
--
After a seal is saved in Greybull, Wyoming, Uriel, Ruby and I manage to track down Alistair as he makes his escape.
After sealing him with a devil’s trap drawn by both Ruby and I, we are called away.
Another angel has died. A sister from my garrison. I fly to her body and pray for her, leaving just as I hear sirens approaching. She’s the seventh. The seventh angel from my garrison to die. My garrison is not on the front line, not anymore, so why are they dying?
Uriel suspect’s demon involvement, as does Ruby, so after many failed interrogations of Alistair, and beyond my better judgement, we’re forced to go to Dean.
We wait in the motel room they’re living in for them to come back from Pamela Barnes’ funeral.
‘Ah, home, crappy home,’ Dean exclaims after he pushes the door open, Sam flipping on the lights as he goes, illuminating the room.
‘Oh come on!’ he cries, seeing Uriel and I there, Ruby sprawled on the bed chain smoking.
‘Winchester and Winchester,’ Uriel greets them, sullenly. He makes no secret, in Heaven or on earth, that he despises the Winchesters, especially the younger one.
‘You’re needed, apparently,’ Ruby sighs, flicking ash into a plastic cup.
Hey Rubes,’ Dean nods at her, to which she waves before going back to her cigarette. He turns his attention back to Uriel. ‘No way. We just got back from needed.’
‘Mind your tone with me,’ Uriel retorts, his muscles tensing.
‘No, you mind your damn tone with us,’ Dean shouts, moving into Uriel’s space, right up in his face.
‘We just got back from Pamela’s funeral,’ Sam tells us, not looking too pleased about how easily Dean’s accepted Ruby, or about us being in his motel room, again.
‘Pamela. You know, psychic Pamela? You remember her. Cas, you remember her. You burned her eyes out. Remember that? Good times. Yeah, then she died saving one of your precious seals. So maybe you can stop pushing us around like chess pieces for five freaking minutes!’ Dean cries, throwing his hands in the air.
‘We raised you out of hell for our purposes,’ Uriel reminds him.
‘Yeah, what were those again? What exactly do you want from me? Dean fumes.
‘Start with gratitude.’ Uriel suggests darkly. On the bed, Ruby rolls her eyes. We’ve all grown used to Dean and Uriel’s arguments.
‘Dean, I know this is difficult to understand,’ I start, but Uriel takes over.
‘And we,’ he pauses to look meaningfully at me. ‘Don’t care. Now, seven angels have been murdered, all from our garrison. The last one was killed tonight.’
‘Demons?’ Dean asks. ‘How they doing it?’
‘We don’t know,’ Uriel admits, looking slightly shamefaced. Dean looks smug about that, the fact that Uriel, as smug as he can be, is not infallible.
‘I’m sorry, but what do you want us to do about it? I mean, a demon with the juice to ice angels has gotta out of our league, right?’ Sam asks, after a pissy look at Ruby, sprinkling more ash into the cup and spreading the smoke around the room.
‘We can handle the demons, thank you very much,’ Uriel says icily.
‘Once we find whoever it is,’ I add.
‘So you need our help hunting a demon?’ Dean asks, I shake my head.
‘Not quite. We have Alistair.’
‘Great. He should be able to name your trigger man.’
‘But he won’t talk,’ I explain. ‘Alistair’s will is very strong. We’ve reached an impasse.’
‘Yeah, well, he’s like a black belt in torture. I mean, you guys are out of your league.’
‘That’s why we came here,’ Ruby speaks up again. ‘Even if I think it’s fucking horrific for them to make you do this,’ she adds, glaring at us. I want to tell her I feel the same way, that I was considering disobedience so Dean didn’t have to do this, but I can’t. I just...
Can’t.
‘You’re our best hope,’ I say to mask the sudden silence, not meeting his eyes. I can’t bear to see the fear behind them. Fear that I put there.
‘No. No, you can’t ask me to do this Cas. Not this.’ I almost disobey right there. Angels are meant to love and protect God’s creations, why are we doing this?
‘Who said anything about asking?’ Uriel says, and then they’re gone, leaving me in the room with Sam and Ruby. She climbs off the bed and puts her cigarette out, walking up to Sam and looking up into his face.
‘You know, we know, Sam.’
‘Know what?’ he asks, almost sounding too innocent.
‘Think about it,’ she says, and I take that as a cue to leave, taking Ruby with me.
--
We’re in a warehouse, somewhere in Canada. No one’s going to disturb us. I show Dean the room with Alistair bound to the iron devils trap, and the multiple chalk traps drawn out on the floor. Even if he gets out of the devils trap, he can’t get out of the room. ‘The devil’s trap is old Enochian,’ I tell Dean.
‘Fascinating,’ he says, before turning away. ‘Where’s the door?’
‘Where are you going?’
‘Hitch back to Cheyenne, thank you very much,’ he snaps, heading for the door, which is suddenly blocked by Uriel.
‘Angels are dying, boy,’ he says, packing more malice in that one syllable than I thought possible.
‘Everybody’s dying these days. And hey, I get it. You’re all-powerful, you can make me do anything you want. But you can’t make me do this.’
‘This is too much to ask, I know,’ I say.
‘That’s what I said!’ Ruby says from the corner she’s lounging in. ‘If you had any idea what hell was like, you couldn’t ask him to do this.’
‘What hell was like?’ I ask, quietly? ‘I’m the one who dragged him out of the pit. Who are you to assume I can’t ask him to do this? You think the image of hell isn’t burned into my memory? Images of Dean in hell seared onto my very Grace?’ There is silence. ‘Never presume to know anything about me.’ I turn back to Dean. This is too much to ask. But I have to ask it.’
Dean looks at me for a moment, his Nile green eyes staring deep into me. Then he looks at Uriel, and I see the rage burning bright, overlaying the fear and all the other emotions. ‘I want to talk to Cas alone.’
‘Really.’ Uriel draws the word out.
‘If you want a snowball’s chance of me getting in there, then you’re gonna shag ass and let us talk.’
Uriel scowls, before turning and heading for the door. ‘I think I’ll go seek revelation. We might have further orders.’
‘Well, get some donuts while you’re out,’ Dean quips, and Uriel laughs.
‘Ah, this one just won’t quit, will he? I think I’m starting to like you, boy.’
He leaves, invisible wings masking him from Dean’s view. ‘You guys don’t walk enough. You’re gonna get flabby,’ Dean says, and Ruby laughs as she saunters out of the room, cigarette smoke wafting after her.
‘You know, I’m starting to think Junkless has a better sense of humour than you,’ he says, perching of the back of a chair.
‘Uriel’s the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone.’ I say honestly. Dean takes another look at me before closing the space between us.
‘What’s goin’ on Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?’ he asks, those green eyes boring into mine again.
‘My superiors have begun to question my sympathies,’ I reply, looking down.
‘Your sympathies?’
‘I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. Even to your brother. They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgment.’
‘So they knock you down the ladder and put Uriel in charge?’ he asks, incredulous.
‘He is a proud and able instrument of God,’ I say, still looking at the floor.
‘The demotion. Doesn’t it get your loincloth in a twist?’
Of course, I think, but I tell him ‘It is what it is to be.’
‘Well, tell Uriel or whoever... you do not want me doing this. Trust me.’ He sounds so broken, so sincere, that I look up to meet his eyes. There is absolute trust in them. Trust for me. Trust I can’t possibly reciprocate, no matter how much I want do.
‘Want it, no. But I have been told we need it,’ I answer eventually. The only answer I can give. It’s Heaven’s will, Heaven’s doing.
‘Cas, the things that I did, what I became...you ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out.’
‘You know what we're all fighting for. And dying for. What Pamela lost her life for. You know what will happen if we fail. For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.’ I answer honestly, painfully honest, praying he’ll see through me as the angel, and see me as Castiel, someone who would give his life for the man standing in front of him.
He closes his eyes, and I can almost taste the internal struggle he’s constantly at the fore of, permanently battling his demons. ‘I’ll need a few things,’ he says finally, and my heart sinks. We’ve broken him, finally. This is a good thing. Now we can stop the apocalypse.
So why does it feel like the end of the world when I look in his eyes?
--
Caleb is sitting in his apartment, listening to the Dictaphone. Jimmy had spoken for hours about Castiel’s struggle with what is just and what is right, and the warring feelings he had for Dean.
He wonders if Jimmy noticed the subtle shift from talking about him and Castiel as ‘us’ to ‘I’. Caleb has set up another meeting with Jimmy tomorrow; he knows Jimmy would have kept talking through the night, caught up in history and could have been and what actually was.
With what notes he has, Caleb knows he can at least start his paper, so he flips the laptop lid open and powers it on, waiting for Word to load up. Then he starts writing.
‘There are two types of angels. There are the guardian angels, the ones who love us, and watch over us. Then there are the other angels, the soldiers, warriors of God. Some special angels are both, warriors and guardians. This paper is about what happens when an angel is caught between the will of heaven, and the love they have for their charge, a bond running deeper than family or blood ever can...’
He taps out a couple of pages, pausing and rewinding the Dictaphone numerous times to make sure he hears everything, writing until the keyboard keys start to blur together, and he calls it a night. Saving what he has, he clicks the laptop shut and collapses into bed, intending to sleep until a half hour before he has to meet Jimmy, in the campus coffee shop.
--
Jimmy beats him there, as Caleb knew he would, rushing it with his bag stuffed full of papers and the ever present Dictaphone. Jimmy is sipping at a latte, doodling on a napkin idly as Caleb throws himself into the seat opposite, muttering apologies and ordering an espresso in a vain attempt to wake the fuck up before Jimmy can get started again.
It’s ten thirty in the morning when Jimmy starts talking. Caleb doesn’t know when he’ll stop.
‘Did you really agree to letting Dean torture, just to get information?’
‘No. I said I would have given anything for him not to have to do this. He was walking through the door to Hell all over again...’
Chapter Six