From A Long Time Ago
Boy, it's been such a long time that I wrote here, that I felt obligated to write. I was thinking while brushing my teeth about how this has always been the only place in my life where I was truly honest, didn't have to hide anything, and was open about my thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
To be honest- there's a lot I've even hidden from my journal, or something so frightening I reduced it to code, or made a private entry- but for the most part this is the one place where lies are rare.
Why is my life such a lie? I think there's a certain sense of safety in lying, a sense of caution and care. If I just talked openly and said whatever came to mind, I'd likely offend a lot of people, hurt feelings, damage relationships, lose my job and everyone around me.
It reminds me of a certain someone I know and love, who has always had the uncanny ability to say whatever came to mind without foreseeing consequences. I used to think foresight was a gift that we all shared but I'm starting to realize it is something gained by growth, experience, and contemplation. The ability to predict isn't instinctual.
That said, I'm exhausted and have been nodding off every 2 minutes, with rows of repeating digits, ei: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
So, with that, good night.
Love,
C
To be honest- there's a lot I've even hidden from my journal, or something so frightening I reduced it to code, or made a private entry- but for the most part this is the one place where lies are rare.
Why is my life such a lie? I think there's a certain sense of safety in lying, a sense of caution and care. If I just talked openly and said whatever came to mind, I'd likely offend a lot of people, hurt feelings, damage relationships, lose my job and everyone around me.
It reminds me of a certain someone I know and love, who has always had the uncanny ability to say whatever came to mind without foreseeing consequences. I used to think foresight was a gift that we all shared but I'm starting to realize it is something gained by growth, experience, and contemplation. The ability to predict isn't instinctual.
That said, I'm exhausted and have been nodding off every 2 minutes, with rows of repeating digits, ei: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
So, with that, good night.
Love,
C