Empty Floors and Cold Windows
Reminds me of when I was still a human being
Instead of the cheap replica I’m trying to pass as
My eyes grow numb and tired from the time they keep.
There’s never a minute that I don’t wish I was asleep.
Eyes watch over me- hungry by my pain
Mouths always frothing- to taste my tears
Their devil black hearts and forfeit souls-
Distorting everything I ever could know
I am made to lose everything I ever loved
Loving everything I have been made to lose.
The shadows dance through the still of the night-
Shifting shades made from lost dreams of bliss.
I feel those enemies run straight through me,
Devouring all that’s left in my heart.
I try to scream out from my shallow grave,
But my voice is either lost or no one’s left to care.
I am still rotting deep under foot like a sinner in hell.
Maybe that’s where I have been hiding all along.
They could beat the hell out of me,
But instead they lead me to work.
Every day slips away from me like
Sand through my hands.
I could stare in a mirror and not
Recognize those old tired eyes.
Just another shadow left to the dark
I’m forever a memory of a life meant to die
Where all the living weep and the dead left to cry.
They whisper their secrets and remind me of how
No matter what I did they lived to tear it down.
Their tear drops are smiles and their frowns a pleasant wink
They laugh at my falling and never dare to think
How simple I was and how simple my dreams
I would die one thousand times just to hear their screams
I am just a memory in their mirror
Like everything in their hearts that was pure.
It all seems rather easy when I am tempted to fall
For the sake of a heaven I never really wanted at all.
I dreamt of a world of equality in grace
Whereas He dreamt of a world divided by race
So when He sends his true son I ought to be there.
To lead him to my dreams of a world so fair.
His words will be so different from his father’s testament
He will finally know the words that I meant
There’s rarely a day that I don’t wish
That they’d just beat me to death
When all my hopes and sanity
Have taken their last breath.
I know they mock me and want me to fall
But no matter what
I wake up to find your face
Hidden behind fine lines
Deteriorating into madness
Lost inside a death wish
Where every hope I hold
Is cast out into flames
Still I try my best to put on this face
Smiling through tears that I waste
Alone in this bedroom where my future passes by
Miserable from sin until the day I die
I hear the rise of red tides in the distance
And the sounds of string fingers tearing
The broken bones from ruined flesh
Never a moment to soon to turn my back
And taste the flowers falling from the trees
Never stopping to enjoy the painful dramatics
They tell me that I’m just a memory from the past
A distant dream of failed hopes and desperate desires
Left to ruin in the wastes of broken homes
And the splintered memories of a horrible life
We’re all just whores now-forced onto broken backs
Made to lie down on beds of broken glass and rusty nails
Our tears bring smiles to their shadows
Our sadistic smiles bring fear to their eyes
Now tears will fall down both our faces
As we will both learn to love nights of slow death.
I cut away the skin from my cold hands
And reminisce of times when I still could feel.
All that’s left for me is to walk through ditches of flames
Suffer blindly for transgressions of a dead whore
I cut away the lines on my skin
For thirteen years of doubt and confusion.
Blood burns away into ashes
As I lay down into the flames.
I recall all the mistakes I have made,
But will never beg for forgiveness.
It’s too late to try to wash away
All the sin and decay
It’s too late plead and pray
As I fade away
He watches over with emerald eyes
Glowing through the cruel darkness
Holds me down to face the pain
And washes away everything I was.
I cry out loud to be merciful
But He cares not for what I say
Just like the 13 years I wasted away.
He pretends that my mistakes were truly free
Watch me poison my heart from heaven
As I waste away in this painful state
Everything I ever dared to love
Is slowly taken away from me
I watch with a grim horror as the days pass slowly by
That I will be made to suffer in this shithole until I die
Labouring endlessly with unheard disparate screams I cry
Left alone and only to wonder why God, why?
I must be shadow of hatred that is lost to His eyes
Still I go unheard and in Him I’ve learned to despise
Everything they ever made me to believe were malicious lies
Now I’m left forever in pain, but one more wise