creativity and focus
i sometimes wonder about such things, about creativity and focus and how ellusive they can be. right now, i should be downstairs drawing, and yet i can't get the focus together to go and do so. Spriteworld is already late. if i can't get down there and draw, it will be later still. that's not something that makes me happy. at the same time, though, current events and situations have me so tense i can't draw.
and then i think about my writing. i used to write all the time when i was in a situation where i couldn't draw. maybe it wasn't anything amazing, but i could and i did.
the ideas don't come the way they used to. haven't for a long time. i can play muse, but full story ideas?
and i find myself wondering about this, worrying about it. and with all that's going on in my life, this perceived lack makes me self-conscious, makes me feel inadequate. there used to be ideas there. and now they're gone.
where did my stories go?
i've gotten better at my art, but my writing is also my art. or, i thought it was. i thought i was back on track when Sable began talking to me again, but... and i thought i was back on track when Cyr have me his say, but...
maybe this isn't a good time for me to be dwelling on this. i'm already having a rough time with the new meds and the depression and too many things happening at once. maybe now isn't the time to be thinking about feeling like the creativity is slipping away from me.
like the sand of dreams, impossible to hold on to.
i'm cold.
i should go get dressed for the day.
i'm cold.
i should go try to draw.
but i'm scared.
because i'm afraid the images just aren't going to come, and i so hate letting Jacob and everyone down.
and then i think about my writing. i used to write all the time when i was in a situation where i couldn't draw. maybe it wasn't anything amazing, but i could and i did.
the ideas don't come the way they used to. haven't for a long time. i can play muse, but full story ideas?
and i find myself wondering about this, worrying about it. and with all that's going on in my life, this perceived lack makes me self-conscious, makes me feel inadequate. there used to be ideas there. and now they're gone.
where did my stories go?
i've gotten better at my art, but my writing is also my art. or, i thought it was. i thought i was back on track when Sable began talking to me again, but... and i thought i was back on track when Cyr have me his say, but...
maybe this isn't a good time for me to be dwelling on this. i'm already having a rough time with the new meds and the depression and too many things happening at once. maybe now isn't the time to be thinking about feeling like the creativity is slipping away from me.
like the sand of dreams, impossible to hold on to.
i'm cold.
i should go get dressed for the day.
i'm cold.
i should go try to draw.
but i'm scared.
because i'm afraid the images just aren't going to come, and i so hate letting Jacob and everyone down.