KISS - Kiss
Red Alert and his thoughts on Valentines Day
Warnings for mild Red/Inferno... but can be seen as platonic, too...
KISS - Kiss
This was ridiculous! All of it, completely and utterly ridiculous! Not to mention the high security risk that all of this nonsense was presenting, but would anyone listen to him? Of course not! They’d just say he was being paranoid - a party-pooper in some cases - and dismiss his warnings as pure drivel. So by now he knew better than to try and get his fellow Autobots to listen to reason. Not that they were in any position to reason at the moment.
So instead he simply shut himself up in his office, wanting no part of this silly Earth holiday that his colleagues seemed so taken up with. He sat down in front of his monitors and double-checked his security grids and alarm perimeters. At least one of them had to stay sane around this time, when the rest of the Autobots seemed to have their processors up in the clouds.
As that famous Earth saying went: if you wanted something done right, you had to do it yourself.
Red Alert shook his head and then pulled up a security camera feed. He scoffed. Even Ratchet - their supposed grizzly bear of a medic - seemed to have been reduced to nothing more than a teddy bear, as he smiled and accepted a human heart-shaped box from Swoop, and gave the young Dinobot a big hug in return.
It was all very absurd, if you asked him - which no one did of course.
Outside, Powerglide was drawing hearts in the sky with his vapor trails for reasons unknown to Red Alert, and for a moment the security director wished he was human just so he could roll his eyes. Contrary to what was said, he figured this particular Earth holiday to be the most dangerous of the lot. After all, none of the other days had the Autobots running around like a bunch of air-headed fools.
“Leaving us open to possible Decepticon attack, and at this rate, I’ll have to fight them off all by myself,” he muttered to the empty room.
His internal alarm sensor went off a good two minutes before the door slid open to admit Inferno, so he didn’t even bother to look up and acknowledge his friend.
“Come to escape the madness, have you?” he asked.
“Aw c’mon Red, it ain’t that bad,” Inferno replied.
“Oh no? Then let me tell you just how bad I think it is then, because this insanity is obviously going to your head as well if you can accept all this silliness.”
“Red…”
“Mechs slipping around slipping suspicious items under each other’s doors.”
“They’re just cards.”
“Do you know how easily a Decepticon could get in and do the same if it wasn’t for me sitting here and keeping watch?”
“I’m sure they all appreciate it.”
“Not to mention getting overcharged in the middle of the day.”
“Its only energon goodies.”
“Some of them can't even walk straight, let alone be trusted with a weapon.”
“Give ‘em a break Red, its only one day.”
“And one day is all the Decepticons need to attack and take us out given the state some of our mechs are in.”
“Red, you need ta loosen up. Then maybe you can enjoy the day like the rest of us.”
Red Alert just about snorted, as he stood up to adjust another monitor. “Forgive me, Inferno, but I see nothing appealing about a day symbolized by a nude miniature winged-human who goes around shooting arrows at unsuspecting people and altering their behaviour.”
“Cupid’s not real.”
“Then explain to me why I have Blaster picking flowers outside.” He thrust a finger at one of the screens.
“Probably wants to give them to someone. Nothing wrong with that.”
“Someone could shoot him in the back before he even had time to straighten up.”
“Can you for once look at the good aspects of this holiday.”
“I have tried to, and I’ve found none.”
“Well I could show ya one.”
“Oh really? You can tell me one good thing about this holiday?”
“Yeah, it gives me a reason to do this.”
Inferno pulled Red Alert closer and closed his mouth over the other’s in a cheeky kiss that he held for a good half a minute. Red Alert flailed in surprise with a muffled noise of protest that was quickly silenced the moment Inferno’s lips met his. When the big red mech finally let him go, the security director stood there, a little stunned.
Inferno cackled and ran for the door while the other mech came to his senses.
“Happy Valentines Day, Red ol’ buddy!” he called.
~END.