"Daddy, I met a man..."
and he scares me a little... ok alot. but i just wanna get away from it all. yeah, i'm still in love, but it hurts so much and so often i think i'd be ready to throw myself at the first thing that came along. and in this case its a lot better than what could be. i guess.
its just that i do this alot. i get hurt. and then i feel the need to throw myself at someone to make up for it. and just in case he does the same, i don't have to sit at home and cry my nights away. i want to move on. i really, really, really, really, really do. but i can't. i absolutely can't if he can't. because we've been through so much together already, it'd be stupid not to. ... but i'm just so tired of hurting. and hurting and hurting and hurting. and it just seems as if he could go on this way forever. just as long as in the end we end up together. and i can't. i just can't. and i can't bring myself to think that its because i don't love him that much... am i making sense? is this making sense to anyone??
i know this can only end badly. i just know it. we come from two completely different worlds, completely different outlooks, attitudes. but he's... fresh. and, God, his mind... this is so bad. i feel like one of the stupid trash girls in those movies. where she's in a relationship where shes gettin her butt kicked but she won't leave? no... that's wrong. more like the girl next door who hooks up with the bad ass because she naively believes he'd change for her. or she could change him. and everyone watching can see it but she can't. those movies never end happily.
i think i'm in self-destruct mode now. in fact, i know it. i've reminded myself of it time and time again. but the truth is, i don't care. i could honestly care less.
at this point i have no idea what to do. some nights i don't think i can take a single second more. and then sometimes its ok. never good anymore. which is why i know that this is right. i just don't think he fully does. which is why he won't let go.
i feel i could do something fully idiotic in this moment.
its just that i do this alot. i get hurt. and then i feel the need to throw myself at someone to make up for it. and just in case he does the same, i don't have to sit at home and cry my nights away. i want to move on. i really, really, really, really, really do. but i can't. i absolutely can't if he can't. because we've been through so much together already, it'd be stupid not to. ... but i'm just so tired of hurting. and hurting and hurting and hurting. and it just seems as if he could go on this way forever. just as long as in the end we end up together. and i can't. i just can't. and i can't bring myself to think that its because i don't love him that much... am i making sense? is this making sense to anyone??
i know this can only end badly. i just know it. we come from two completely different worlds, completely different outlooks, attitudes. but he's... fresh. and, God, his mind... this is so bad. i feel like one of the stupid trash girls in those movies. where she's in a relationship where shes gettin her butt kicked but she won't leave? no... that's wrong. more like the girl next door who hooks up with the bad ass because she naively believes he'd change for her. or she could change him. and everyone watching can see it but she can't. those movies never end happily.
i think i'm in self-destruct mode now. in fact, i know it. i've reminded myself of it time and time again. but the truth is, i don't care. i could honestly care less.
at this point i have no idea what to do. some nights i don't think i can take a single second more. and then sometimes its ok. never good anymore. which is why i know that this is right. i just don't think he fully does. which is why he won't let go.
i feel i could do something fully idiotic in this moment.