Nov 13, 2005 20:30
ack!! i think i might quit running. wait.
i think i might quit track.
never running.
i'm so severely sad. and anemic. severely that is. my rbc count is low and my h&h is really low.
ok, quick bio lesson: red blood cells carry oxygen rich blood all over the body. low blood cell count= not enough oxygen-rich blood getting to lungs during practice or brain during class. h&h is how much of the oxygen rich nutrient is contained within each red blood cell.
simply put, low h&h AND low rbc count= deep poopoo for patient. which i think- no, KNOW- has contributed collasally to these "i-can't-go-on-for-another-minute-like-this" feelings i've been having lately. i was actually thrilled about it when i found out.
see, i can't keep still. i thought i was losing my mind but apparently a symptom of iron defenciency is "restless leg syndrome"-- which basically means you constantly feel like a 6 year old with ADHD. and yet you're physically exhausted because another symptom includes fatigue and lethargy-- hence the "8 hour nights of sleep + 2 to 3 hour nap" days i've been having for the past couple of weeks.
then theres something else called dyspnea. or something like that. it just means your endurance is shot and you're out of breath like a million times faster than normal. which explains why i'm working harder than i ever have in my life in track but i'm doing worse than i ever have. friday we had 4 stadiums. those of you who have ever seen Kyle Field at an A&M football game realize at this point how abs. freakin' crazy our coach is. at the beginning of the year we were doing 2 which i was making it through fairly easily. halfway through the second one on friday... i can't put into words how my body felt. but i can tell you that i was taking about 4 breaths/sec and thats no lie. i was going down the last set of stairs of the second set and i started to get crazy lightheaded so i knew i was hyperventilating-- which was really scary b/c if i had fallen i probably would have broke my neck or something. coach waters made me get control of my breathing and then told me to do only half of the next set. i freakin' HATE that. him making an exception for only me in his workouts because he doesn't feel i can make it. true as it was, it still REALLY pissed me off. i felt like crying.
anywho, the last symptom i have that is common of anemia is my favorite. its called pica. its formal defintiton is "the strong desire or act of eating items that are normally considered non-edible". namely cardboard, chalk, laundry starch, ice, paper, ciggarette ashes, clay, plaster, paint, and/or dirt. to save my dignity, i won't say WHICH of those i've craved or eaten but of the 10 i've eaten 7, lol.
its a great, great thing to be able to snack on your bio notes and know you are NOT insane :D
anywho, i'm supposed to be taking iron supplements and eating more iron rich foods and i should be okay in about 6 weeks. if i weren't running 50 miles/wk. my doctor told me its going to be doubly hard and long to get my iron back up where it needs to be since i'm running if i don't take a break. unfortunately, my coach doesn't believe in breaks longer than 1 "off day" per week. thats not gonna cut it.
now, i could tough it out for 10-12 weeks which would put me mid-january before i'm back where i need to be physically. already in the middle of indoor season. since only 4 runners per event are allowed per meet, he takes whomever based on how they've been practicing. how have i been practicing? shitty. how will i continue to practice for the next 6 to 10 weeks? shitty. so what are my chances of making that traveling team? you got it- shitty. the logical thing it seems, would be to throw in the towel for this year and focus on getting my grades up this year.
but i LOVE running. i LOVE traning. i LOVE that feeling you get after crossing the finish line and look up to seeing your PR plastered across the scored board and hear your coach yell from the stands "GREAT race, Prisca!!" its something i'm not sure i want to do without when i absolutely don't have to... and theres a very, very high chance with as up-and-coming as this team is, they won't even LET me try out next year if i quit before i run a half-way decent time....
at this point, i'm going to quit. and i am trying desparately to find someone who believes enough that i need to continue running-- and can convince me of that.
anyone?? anyone at all??