Tears you hide inside - Jongtae [2/2]
Tears ypu hide inside | Jongtae | pg-13 | 4600+
au, fantasy, angst, smut, drama, romance, | beta-ed by forevershining| suicide issues, swearing,
The next day, instead of hiding, Taemin flees out of the house. He runs until his lungs give out and finds himself in front of the library, red hair sticking to his face. He enters and as expected Jonghyun is not there yet. Taemin fishes out a book he had had an eye on before and he sits down in his corner and reads.
It’s a book about death and it’s meanings in different cultures. The book makes Taemin think about death too and after thinking and reading for about two hours Taemin comes to the conclusion that his live is actually so messed up, that if he didn’t have Jonghyun, death would be the only thing that could save him.
The realization makes Taemin sad, but he also feels kind of relieved to finally have found a solution to all those problems and the pain and the tears. It had been so easy, and he really begins to wonder if he is dumb for not realizing this before and before he can help himself, he begins to plan how he would kill himself.
He thinks about that for another half an hour, but suddenly he is brought out of his thoughts when someone shakes his shoulders. That’s when the sounds he didn’t notice were gone returns, and he hears Jonghyun’s desperate calling.
“Taemin,Taemin!”
And when Taemin finally turns his head and looks at the other, Jonghyun lets out a sigh of relief. He looks at Taemin, who stares back and then runs a hand through the red strands of hair that are covering the boy’s face.
“What happened to you?” Jonghyun demands when he sees bruises, dark and purple on Taemin’s forehead, around his eyes and on his neck. Taemin just shakes his head, tears already forming in the corners of his eyes. Before Jonghyun can really realize anything, Taemin is embracing him, his head buried in Jonghyun’s neck and his tears soaking his shirt.
Taemin cries and hiccups and gasps, and it takes him nearly an hour of Jonghyun humming random melodies and softly stroking over his back until Taemin has calmed down again. When Taemin wriggles out of Jonghyun’s embrace, his eyes all red and puffy, Jonghyun takes his hand and pushes the sleeves of Taemin’s shirt up. The younger boy struggles, but Jonghyun is stronger, and soon Jonghyun sees an arm full of red marks and bruises, and it makes tears swell in his eyes.
He lifts Taemin up, despite the boy’s protests, and carries him out of the library to his car. Taemin is struggling and whining, but Jonghyun hears nothing and feels nothing, only the guilt and the shame and worry and the hate. He wants nothing more than to take revenge.
“I think I’ll take you to my home today.” Jonghyun says firmly and Taemin has no chance to protest. He puts Taemin into the car and takes place in the driver’s seat. Taemin doesn’t say anything and the atmosphere is tense, but Jonghyun doesn’t care, the only thing he cares about is how fast he can get home to tend the boy’s wounds.
Taemin keeps hissing and whining as Jonghyun bandages him, cleans his wounds and puts cream on the bruises, but he doesn’t tell him to stop. Jonghyun’s heart clenches painfully at every centimetre of bruised flesh that he exposes and at every little sound Taemin makes.
He wonders how there could be someone treating this wonderful boy like that; he wonders what kind of parents those people are and how he didn’t notice sooner. Why didn’t he react when he saw Taemin limping once, or when he noticed the boy was always careful with every move he made? Why didn’t he ask when he saw the indescribable sadness in Taemin’s eyes and when he felt Taemin trembling with fear when the lights of the library turned off for a few minutes?
Jonghyun blames himself for everything that has happened and when he is finished treating Taemin, he embraces the quivering boy softly.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbles “I should have noticed, Taemin.”
Taemin shakes his head in response and carefully turns around so that he faces Jonghyun. He has tears in his eyes and looks as if he is sorry himself, eyes big and scared.
“No, I am sorry.” He whispers and a tear slips out, running over his high cheekbones.
“I didn’t want to drag you into this and now I did.”
Jonghyun smiles softly and takes Taemin’s hands into his, kissing the tips softly.
“I’d do anything to help you.”
That makes Taemin smile.
Later that night when Taemin is sleeping soundlessly in Jonghyun arms, the elder decides that this has to stop, and there is no way that he will let this happen ever again.
So the next morning, he stands up early, without waking Taemin, and he quickly jumps into his clothes, scribbles a note and exits the apartment.
Taemin wakes up because of the loud ringing of his phone. He blinks and notices that he has slept in Jonghyun’s apartment and when he looks around, there is no trace of the other. He climbs down the bed and runs to his back, fiddling the phone out of his pocket.
He is just in time to pick up and when he read the word ‘home’ blinking on the phone, he consider s hanging up for a moment, but then decides against it.
“Hello?” he mumbles, his voice is hoarse he notices.
“T-Taemin?”
It’s his mother, and Taemin is surprised because she normally never calls. Her voice sounds hysteric and he can hear that she is crying. He hears loud noises in the background, people talking and sirens.
“Yeah, Mom what’s wrong?” he answers in a worried tone.
“Taemin, Tae, baby.”
“Mom?”
“This morning there was this guy, I don’t know his name…. Young? Handsome? Short?”
Taemin’s heart stops for a moment and every other thought than ‘OhFuckJonghyun OhFuckJonghyun OhFuckJonghyun’ leaves his head.
“Well he came here and told us he was your friend and then he told us about your wounds and then he started saying that he will take care of you from now on and that you shouldn’t be living with parents like us… a-and,” at this point her voice cracks and she starts crying again, the next words coming out in small gasps.
“Well Chinho (the stepfather) lost it and-“
“Where is Jonghyun?”
“Taeminnie-“
“WHERE THE FUCK IS JONGHYUN?!” Taemin is screaming now and tears are running down his face, he doesn’t want to imagine what his stepfather has done to Jonghyun.
“In the hospital around the corner.”
Taemin let’s his phone fall to the ground and runs.
When Taemin is in the hospital, soaked in sweat and out of breath and every bone in his body aching because his wounds have not healed yet, the people all look at him strangely, but he ignores them and walks to the front desks, leaning his palms on it and staring at the nurse sitting there as he catches his breath.
“U-um may I help you?” she stammers and Taemin waits another few seconds until he can talk again.
“Kim Jonghyun.” He rasps out.
“I’m sorry but you are?”
“Lee Taemin.”
The nurse frowns, types a few things into the computer in front of her before looking up.
“I assume you are not a family member?”
Taemin shakes his head and the nurse sighs.
“Well then I’m sorry, but at the moment there are only family members permitted to see him.” Taemin stares at the nurse in disbelief and his eyes start to water again.
“B-but I need to see him, please.”
The nurse looks at him apologetically, but shakes her head.
“I’m sorry but I’m not allowed to let you see him.”
Then the tears flow and he leans over the desk to look the nurse deep in the eyes.
“He knows me; you can ask him, please. I need to see him. Please. Just ask. If you have his permission, you can let me in right?” The nurse sighs again and the takes a look around.
“Okay I’ll ask him, but this will be our little secret okay?” Taemin beams at her and shakes his head eagerly, following her into a hallway.
She stops in front of a door and motions Taemin to keep waiting there, Taemin nods and when the nurse has closed the door behind her he leans his ear on it. He can hear Jonghyun’s voice even if he doesn’t understand what he is saying, it makes him happy enough and he keeps listening until he hears footsteps approaching. He takes a step back and smiles innocently at the nurse that comes out of the room.
The nurse looks a bit baffled and sad and Taemin’s smile quickly disappears.
“I-is he okay?” Taemin asks and the nurse looks down for a moment.
“What’s wrong?
The nurse looks up again, into Taemin eyes and then she shakes her head.
“Apart from a few broken bones and bruises, he is alright, but I’m sorry he doesn’t want to see you.”
In that moment, everything that held Taemin’s world together shatters, and the boy is so broken, so deeply wounded that he doesn’t even cry. He just nods and proceeds to walk away, he doesn’t know where to, but he knows that he wants to go to some place where he can breathe. He feels like he is suffocating because there are those feelings in his chest and they are squeezing his lungs, so that he can’t breathe.
Taemin is sure, that Jonghyun hates him now, that he thinks Taemin is dirty and that he is stupid because he brought him all that trouble. Jonghyun must not want to see him ever again because he is weird and fucked up and too hard to handle.
And as Taemin walks, or rather runs the hate he feels for himself and for his stepfather and for the world grows and he thinks that there is no point in living when there nothing, no one he lives for and then Taemin stands on the hospital’s roof.
He doesn’t know how he got there and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, but then he looks at the small wall surrounding the roof and he can already see what it must look like to stand at it. When he finally manages to climb up he looks down and around and the view takes his breath away. It’s beautiful, so extremely beautiful and he thinks that he should show this to Jonghyun, but then he remembers what happened and that Jonghyun hates him and the tears finally start flowing.
He looks down and he only thinks that it’s beautiful and that it must feel great to fly down, down, down. He is not scared, like he probably should be, maybe it’s because he is overwhelmed by feeling, or maybe it’s because he is just not scared of death anymore and the longer he stands there, the stronger grows the urge to jump.
Jump, he tells himself as the tears won’t stop falling and he thinks about Jonghyun’s laughs and his eyes and his stories and his strong arms and that Taemin can’t have it. And his heart shatters again and he jumps.
“You’re stupid.”
Kibum is rolling his eyes and smacking Jonghyun over the head at the same time, he doesn’t care about the other’s wounds at all.
“I know… I just... I feel so ashamed.”
Kibum sighs and scratches the back of his head. Jonghyun looks pathetic like that and Kibum thinks it’s also pathetic that he refused to see the boy, but that’s just Jonghyun.
“Just think about it for a minute. How did it sound to Taemin when the nurse told him that you didn’t want to see him? Won’t he blame himself? He’s already damaged enough he doesn’t need you to hurt him further, you have to be careful Jonghyun.”
Jonghyun cringes at the words, he knows it’s true, but he refuses to admit it and instead settles for pouting as he looks out of the window. Kibum sighs as his friend finds interest in the raindrop falling down and against the window.
Jonghyun’s thoughts wander off to the boy and his smile and how he must be so broken and he regrets sending him away. And just as he is deciding to go look for him he sees a figure passing the window and it’s as if time has stopped for a moment because Jonghyun can see Taemin’s eyes and his nose and his red hair and he can see the tears and the hurt and Taemin is looking at him too, smiling almost and then he is out of view and Jonghyun’s brain stops to function for a moment.
He can only see Taemin and think that this was Taemin and when he suddenly understands why the boy had been passing the window, his heart stops and he runs to it, looks down and an agonizing scream leaves his lips.
*
FIN
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- I apologize for grammar/spelling mistakes english is not my native language.
I hate LJ so fucking much!! it tells me that this fic of 4600+ words
is too large of a post so I had sto split in into two
I'm not too I'm sorry that it took so long to post this
I hope
princessliette still remembers this.
I hope this is what you wanted and that you like it
comments are ♥