(no subject)

[papiermachemade]

today my mom told me that my grandfather has been diagnosed with mild congestive heart failure. congestive failure is when fluid begins to fill the lungs slowly. it makes it difficult for oxygen to get to the different parts of the body and causes pain when you breathe or do anything basically. a few weeks ago my mom told me that she had had some precancerous cells removed from two spots on her face. they wont know if its all gone for another few months when she goes back in for a check. suddenly my life has gotten very real. its left me with alot to think about. maybe thats why i have detached so much from brittany. because at the end of the day, her fight with jay doesnt matter when my grandfather could possibly die between now and his appointment on the 12th with a cardiologist. or when my mom has had the early signs of skin cancer.

i havent told anyone that yet. and at this point i still cant say it out loud. im real scared. more scared than ive been in a long time. life has gotten very real suddenly.