(no subject)
sunday night. weekends over. 5 more days in this bizarre city and thenim home for a week. its going to be rather interesting since im completely broke. really wanted to get my cash release from the school but instead i have to work at the chicken shack so i can pretend to have money. ill probably work at the high school (otherwise known as hell) just to make some easy money. god knows the education in that shit box wasnt too difficult. theres really nothing i couldnt teach there. and thats not being cocky either.
when i did finally get to bed saturday morning after a night out with the boys on mission hill, it was in a bed not my own. dont worry, i was good. i had to be since hes the one making me wonder if theres something wrong with me that makes the male species not want to be with me for longer than they can last in sex. ive been wondering for a day and a half now. it all started as i lay crying in his bed, while he held me and apologized for how he felt. im not sad about how he feels. he cant help that. what makes me sad is that he promised not to burn me but all he wanted was to see how far he could get. he got what he wanted. he got it because i had this crazy idea that it might mean something. once again that theory that most sexual acts are meaningless is proved correct. how nice.
i want to go home. to be away from this place, this room. to be with holly and make sure shes still holding up. to sleep in my bed and not feel this ever enveloping solitude. 5 more days. i hope i can do it. i need healing.
when i did finally get to bed saturday morning after a night out with the boys on mission hill, it was in a bed not my own. dont worry, i was good. i had to be since hes the one making me wonder if theres something wrong with me that makes the male species not want to be with me for longer than they can last in sex. ive been wondering for a day and a half now. it all started as i lay crying in his bed, while he held me and apologized for how he felt. im not sad about how he feels. he cant help that. what makes me sad is that he promised not to burn me but all he wanted was to see how far he could get. he got what he wanted. he got it because i had this crazy idea that it might mean something. once again that theory that most sexual acts are meaningless is proved correct. how nice.
i want to go home. to be away from this place, this room. to be with holly and make sure shes still holding up. to sleep in my bed and not feel this ever enveloping solitude. 5 more days. i hope i can do it. i need healing.