i want to remember
how weird the past few days, weeks, month have been for me and everybody. me living on campus this summer seems like such a step backwards, but being around little kids and the orientation frosh make me feel like i am at the start of a new begining as well.
but i hope i can leave the pain i am in now in this small room on campus when i leave it.
i wan't to say so much more so i can remember this later but i don't know where to start. and i have to go to work. so-- i'll try this:
beach. sun. crying. fantasizing about old and new loves. feeling close to my friends through my own and everyone else's pain and problems. being worried about post-graduation already. missing friends that are gone, not seeing friends here enough. attempting to stand on my own two feet. buying different clothes in a half-hearted attempt to make lauren 2.0. eating at carillo. counting down the rest of the weeks till the end of august. planning road trips. planning the school year. planning everything but knowing it's more play than a real plan and trying to be ok with that. trying to remember i'm only 21 and there's lots i need to do while i still can. watching alyssa get ready for ucla and feeling sort of envious- i want to start something new like she is.
but i guess the ability to do that is in my hands. i can start whatever i want.
but i hope i can leave the pain i am in now in this small room on campus when i leave it.
i wan't to say so much more so i can remember this later but i don't know where to start. and i have to go to work. so-- i'll try this:
beach. sun. crying. fantasizing about old and new loves. feeling close to my friends through my own and everyone else's pain and problems. being worried about post-graduation already. missing friends that are gone, not seeing friends here enough. attempting to stand on my own two feet. buying different clothes in a half-hearted attempt to make lauren 2.0. eating at carillo. counting down the rest of the weeks till the end of august. planning road trips. planning the school year. planning everything but knowing it's more play than a real plan and trying to be ok with that. trying to remember i'm only 21 and there's lots i need to do while i still can. watching alyssa get ready for ucla and feeling sort of envious- i want to start something new like she is.
but i guess the ability to do that is in my hands. i can start whatever i want.