(no subject)
This entry simply exists to let all of you know what has come to pass in my life over the last couple of months. There is some very sad news, and some perplexing news, but there are also various silver linings that I can speak of.
If you would like to read further, please
I'll go ahead and get the sad news out of the way. My mom has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. If any of you know anything about pancreatic cancer, it is beyond serious. It all started about 3 1/2 months ago, when she began having unbearable pains in her stomach area. She couldn't eat, sleep, or function. She saw doctor after doctor, and lived on pain killers for those 3 1/2 months before she received any sort of diagnosis. The thing about pancreatic cancer is that it tends to disguise itself as different, less malicious things. At various times during these past months, she has been told it was gallbladder disease, pancreatitis and a pseudocyst. It was none of these things. However, the one thing they did know was that they had found some sort of mass on her pancreas. They were cautiously optimistic that the mass was benign, but they decided that surgery would still be necessary. She underwent an extremely major surgery 2 weeks ago, where they removed about 40% of her pancreas, 40% of her stomach, her duodenum, part of her small intestine, and various surrounding lymph nodes in order to get the mass out. It was at this time that the surgeon realized that the tumor was malignant. The mass was sent to pathology, where her cancer was diagnosed as pancreatic adenocarcinoma, stage IIB. That means that it has spread to surrounding lymph nodes, but not to far away organs, like her liver or lungs. Right now, she is still in the hospital recovering from surgery. We are working right now on getting her files, slides and medical records so that we can get a second opinion from MD Anderson. We are all so scared, because pancreatic cancer is almost always deadly, with 5-year survival rates at less than 5%. However, we are hoping that since her cancer was caught a bit earlier than most pancreatic cancer, she will be able to fight it.
Now for the perplexing news... My 19-year old sister is pregnant. She found out 2 months ago, and has decided to keep the baby. My father, mother and uncle know, but she has not yet told anyone else in my family. I went through a period of mourning for my sister when I first found out, because I know that her life will never be the same. I know that some of her friends will abandon her when things get too serious, and I know that with only 1 year of college completed, she does not have the safety net in order to financially provide for her child. Luckily, though, she and her boyfriend have been together for quite awhile (nearly 3 years), so there is at least some sort of stability in that aspect. She is very scared, as am I, because she knows how serious pancreatic cancer is, and I have gotten calls from her where she was nearly hysterical at the thought of my mom not being there. However, I hope that the thought of a grandchild gives my mom an extra reason to fight. Her due date is Aug 19th.
And, of course, there are always good things to look toward when there doesn't seem to be any hope. Garrett has been not only my lover and friend, but my supporter and confidante, as well. He has let me cry on him and pound at his chest when I need to. I don't know what or where I would be without him. He really is my best friend. Bering Omega, where I work, has been beyond supportive, too. They have told me that I can take off whatever time I need to help my mom, and I don't have to worry whether or not I'll have a job when I get back. Having that kind of security has really meant a lot to me over the past couple of months. Also, I have some really amazing family and friends.
I am so lucky to have the support that I do, because I have been struggling with everything that has been going on in my life recently, and have been pretty depressed. To be honest, I feel like a different person than I did 2 months ago, even 2 weeks ago. All of a sudden I am an adult, but not in a great way that so many people look forward to: I have doctors and hospitals to deal with, the pressure to be upbeat at work and around my mom (I'm not complaining, it just really is pressure), and all of these things that noone wants to have to deal with, but that have all been piled on my plate over the course of the past month.
I'm just tired. And I'm not sure if any of you think about me very much anymore (and again, I'm not complaining, that's just how life is sometimes) but I wanted to let you all know what has been happening with me lately. If any of you have any similar experiences, I would love to hear from you... That has been one of the hardest parts of this whole ordeal: Everyone wants to help, but no one can really relate... Finding people around my age who are dealing with/have dealt with this kind of thing has been hard. Also, if you pray or send vibes or positive thoughts, please keep my family on your mind and in your prayers... we are really going to need it.
Lauren
If you would like to read further, please
I'll go ahead and get the sad news out of the way. My mom has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. If any of you know anything about pancreatic cancer, it is beyond serious. It all started about 3 1/2 months ago, when she began having unbearable pains in her stomach area. She couldn't eat, sleep, or function. She saw doctor after doctor, and lived on pain killers for those 3 1/2 months before she received any sort of diagnosis. The thing about pancreatic cancer is that it tends to disguise itself as different, less malicious things. At various times during these past months, she has been told it was gallbladder disease, pancreatitis and a pseudocyst. It was none of these things. However, the one thing they did know was that they had found some sort of mass on her pancreas. They were cautiously optimistic that the mass was benign, but they decided that surgery would still be necessary. She underwent an extremely major surgery 2 weeks ago, where they removed about 40% of her pancreas, 40% of her stomach, her duodenum, part of her small intestine, and various surrounding lymph nodes in order to get the mass out. It was at this time that the surgeon realized that the tumor was malignant. The mass was sent to pathology, where her cancer was diagnosed as pancreatic adenocarcinoma, stage IIB. That means that it has spread to surrounding lymph nodes, but not to far away organs, like her liver or lungs. Right now, she is still in the hospital recovering from surgery. We are working right now on getting her files, slides and medical records so that we can get a second opinion from MD Anderson. We are all so scared, because pancreatic cancer is almost always deadly, with 5-year survival rates at less than 5%. However, we are hoping that since her cancer was caught a bit earlier than most pancreatic cancer, she will be able to fight it.
Now for the perplexing news... My 19-year old sister is pregnant. She found out 2 months ago, and has decided to keep the baby. My father, mother and uncle know, but she has not yet told anyone else in my family. I went through a period of mourning for my sister when I first found out, because I know that her life will never be the same. I know that some of her friends will abandon her when things get too serious, and I know that with only 1 year of college completed, she does not have the safety net in order to financially provide for her child. Luckily, though, she and her boyfriend have been together for quite awhile (nearly 3 years), so there is at least some sort of stability in that aspect. She is very scared, as am I, because she knows how serious pancreatic cancer is, and I have gotten calls from her where she was nearly hysterical at the thought of my mom not being there. However, I hope that the thought of a grandchild gives my mom an extra reason to fight. Her due date is Aug 19th.
And, of course, there are always good things to look toward when there doesn't seem to be any hope. Garrett has been not only my lover and friend, but my supporter and confidante, as well. He has let me cry on him and pound at his chest when I need to. I don't know what or where I would be without him. He really is my best friend. Bering Omega, where I work, has been beyond supportive, too. They have told me that I can take off whatever time I need to help my mom, and I don't have to worry whether or not I'll have a job when I get back. Having that kind of security has really meant a lot to me over the past couple of months. Also, I have some really amazing family and friends.
I am so lucky to have the support that I do, because I have been struggling with everything that has been going on in my life recently, and have been pretty depressed. To be honest, I feel like a different person than I did 2 months ago, even 2 weeks ago. All of a sudden I am an adult, but not in a great way that so many people look forward to: I have doctors and hospitals to deal with, the pressure to be upbeat at work and around my mom (I'm not complaining, it just really is pressure), and all of these things that noone wants to have to deal with, but that have all been piled on my plate over the course of the past month.
I'm just tired. And I'm not sure if any of you think about me very much anymore (and again, I'm not complaining, that's just how life is sometimes) but I wanted to let you all know what has been happening with me lately. If any of you have any similar experiences, I would love to hear from you... That has been one of the hardest parts of this whole ordeal: Everyone wants to help, but no one can really relate... Finding people around my age who are dealing with/have dealt with this kind of thing has been hard. Also, if you pray or send vibes or positive thoughts, please keep my family on your mind and in your prayers... we are really going to need it.
Lauren