is it really that time of year again?
Here is a late-night update for me to dump some of the things I have been rolling around in my head before I start making any sweeping end-of-the-year generalizations.
I am home, and right now, I am fine with and even happy with that. True, I miss Brown, my friends, and not having to get into a car for months at a time, but there is something to say for home-cooked meals and not having to wear shoes in the shower. It's also been really nice to have a room to myself and not to be woken up by noise from Patriots Court at, say, 4 am-- I have had quite enough of "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" for one lifetime.
It's also been really nice to share a house with 4 people instead of 50. Don't get me wrong-- living with 50 talented and fun people is wonderful, but it has been really nice not to have the same 50 people all up in my business for once. There is something wonderful about being surrounded by so much energy, but I have too often forgotten that silence is equally gratifying. Privacy? Personal space? I am rediscovering these concepts, and liking them. But I also miss being able to hear Mike play his Fuck Her Softly/Here Comes the Sun medley, having someone to eat lunch with at all times, looking across my desk to see Sara making another book, and being able to walk everywhere ( I drove to Bryn's house yesterday and almost ran off the road several times. My driving is getting exponentially worse.) I am so full of contradictions AAAUGH
While I am generally ok with the fact that my behavior is more suited to a much older person (knitting, doing crossword puzzles, cooking, reading large history books for fun), sometimes I get worried that I am wasting my allotment of bad-decision-making years. Sure, I can stay in and read the New York Times on a Saturday night, but on Sunday I should go skip church to take amphetamines and get my septum pierced, right? All well and good I suppose, until I think about the fact that having a ring in my nose would make cold season hell and that people who do amphetamines either end up like a) Ellen Burstyn in Requiem for a Dream or b) my creepy, cracked-out down-the-hill neighbors who sell meth and shot someone in the foot a few weeks later. And there are always donuts after church. It's hard to pass up free donuts.
I am very, very nervous about applying to internships. I feel ridiculously underqualified for everything that looks interesting. Perhaps I should have sucked it up and written for the lame-ass BDH. Or saved the world or something. Hrumph.
I would like to get better at unifying the snippets of thoughts that float through my mind. I've been trying to do more writing of the personal essay/ non-fiction type and I am discovering that it is a lot harder than I would like it to be. I think the reason why I like poetry may be rooted in the flighty way that my brain operates-- poetry is a lot more conducive to the presentation of tenuously related ideas than prose. I should try to think of this as a strength that I bring to the table when writing prose. I want to write more in the coming year.
Good lord, is it the last day of 2007 already?
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Wow. A lot of things. I joined a Greek organization, was retardedly drunk in a foreign country where I did not speak the language, studied a lot of history, liked all of my classes yet still managed to realize that they weren't the most important part of my life, was the center of relationship-related drama, had close male friends, had a functioning relationship, built a charcoal box (haha), had really serious arguments/discussions with my family, learned a lot, inside and outside of the classroom.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions and will you make more for next year? If one of them was to exercise, I failed miserably at that one. I'd really like to write a lot more this year. And exercise.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My cousin had a baby and my parents were the godparents. This has been very exciting for my entire family, as it gives us an excuse to buy cute stuffed animals whenever we feel like it.
4. Did anyone close to you die? no, thankfully
5. What countries did you visit? China (well, this visit was in progress when the year began), Ah-mur-eeka, The Sovereign State of Denial
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Time to sleep when school is in session. HAH
7. What date(s) from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I don't remember dates very well at all. I'd like to think about this for my own personal edification, though. Thanks, faceless survey, for giving me something to reflect on!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? working things out on many levels!, being a good student sometimes, being less afraid of the phone, working for a summer in food service (I am really proud of this, no lie)
9. What was your biggest failure? exercise, not sleeping, not freaking out about work
10. Did you suffer any illness or injury? only my pride, on occasion
11. What was the best thing you bought? Eh. I wasn't very materialistic this year. At least I don't think I was.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? essentially, all of my friends. Also my dad for quitting his stupid job and getting a better one that makes him happy. And running the NY Marathon. My dad is badass.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? This is a really condemning question! the only person to whom this can apply is my lame freshman year roommate, who I used to hate.
14. Where did most of your money go? food, books, music, transportation tickets
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? seeing people, going back to Brown
16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Drowned World-Substitute for Love, Madonna; Do You Realize??, The Flaming Lips (yay Spring weekend!); Don't Look Back in Anger, Oasis (because Hannah and I used to sing it when we were going on walks); Summer in the City, Regina Spektor; High and Dry, Radiohead; Let's Dance, David Bowie (BRYN!) ; Xaipe (haha)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier !!!!!!!!! all of those exclamation points are warranted.
ii. thinner or fatter? eh, probably fatter, but who cares.
iii. richer or poorer? slightly richer, monetarily, thanks to my stint at Cheddar's. and much richer in terms of interpersonal relationships
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? reading for pleasure, practicing my horn
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? moping, facebooking
20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent it at home, lounging around and making Mussels Rockefeller.
22. Did you fall in love in 2007? Actually, yes.
23. How many one-night stands? This is a lame question. The answer is none.
24. What was your favorite TV program? America's Next Top Model (when I could watch it), Six Feet Under. This is a lame question too.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? no, though I did hate my ex-roommate for a time.
26. What was the best book you read? Oh gee. The War of 1898, The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I didn't read nearly enough, though I know there are things I'm leaving off the list.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? LIZ PHAIR! Ray of Light! Schumann's Dichterliebe! Mahler 5! Charles Mingus! Bartok Concerto for Orchestra! That R.E.M. isn't as lame as I thought! I kind of rediscovered the Smashing Pumpkins, too. I listened to a lot of classical music. Also, Ipods are cool.
28. What did you want and get? fifty new friends?
29. What did you get and not want? sleep deprivation. does one "get" sleep deprivation? I don't know. either way, I had a lot of it.
30. What was your favorite film of this year? As per usual, I hardly saw any films this year. BUT I did see Annie Hall, Donnie Darko and Lost in Translation and liked those a lot. Across the Universe was pretty, if somewhat insubstantial. Ratatouille was adorable.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? oh gee. I turned 19 and (I think) went shopping and out to lunch at a vegetarian restaurant with my mom. I am hip.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? sleep! and a teleportation device.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? "ooh, it's 7:57. I have to be in class in four minutes. Let me put on the pants I've been wearing for the past week and whatever t-shirt is at the top of my drawer. yeah, that looks great."
34. What kept you sane? having a really awesome core group of friends, including the best roommate ever (this year). those who never failed to reassure me when I was freaking out. tea time. massages.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Daniel Craig. I'm lame. Unless my History of the Holocaust professor counts as a public figure. I want to be Maud Mandel when I grow up. Siggggh
36. What political issue stirred you the most? immigration, and Hillary Clinton's campaign (at least momentarily)
37. Who did you miss? pbtthhh. Bryn and Megan (whyyy do you guys go to school in the midwest LAME), Jon, other graduating seniors, everyone from Brown (over the summer).
38. Who was the best new person you met? Oooh! The entirety of ADPhi, Mark Steinbach and his appogiaturas, Kate Fritzsche, some of the nice people at Cheddars. There is a notable overlap between the answers to 37 and 38.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: There is life outside of the classroom. Things work themselves out. I am a desirable person. Also, there exists a group of people who think it is a good idea to reenact William Jennings Bryan's Cross of Gold speech on the Main Green, and I am a member of that group.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
how grateful I was to be part of the mystery
to love and to be loved
let's just hope that is enough
Stay tuned for the end o' the year wrap-up entry. DUN DUN DUN
I am home, and right now, I am fine with and even happy with that. True, I miss Brown, my friends, and not having to get into a car for months at a time, but there is something to say for home-cooked meals and not having to wear shoes in the shower. It's also been really nice to have a room to myself and not to be woken up by noise from Patriots Court at, say, 4 am-- I have had quite enough of "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" for one lifetime.
It's also been really nice to share a house with 4 people instead of 50. Don't get me wrong-- living with 50 talented and fun people is wonderful, but it has been really nice not to have the same 50 people all up in my business for once. There is something wonderful about being surrounded by so much energy, but I have too often forgotten that silence is equally gratifying. Privacy? Personal space? I am rediscovering these concepts, and liking them. But I also miss being able to hear Mike play his Fuck Her Softly/Here Comes the Sun medley, having someone to eat lunch with at all times, looking across my desk to see Sara making another book, and being able to walk everywhere ( I drove to Bryn's house yesterday and almost ran off the road several times. My driving is getting exponentially worse.) I am so full of contradictions AAAUGH
While I am generally ok with the fact that my behavior is more suited to a much older person (knitting, doing crossword puzzles, cooking, reading large history books for fun), sometimes I get worried that I am wasting my allotment of bad-decision-making years. Sure, I can stay in and read the New York Times on a Saturday night, but on Sunday I should go skip church to take amphetamines and get my septum pierced, right? All well and good I suppose, until I think about the fact that having a ring in my nose would make cold season hell and that people who do amphetamines either end up like a) Ellen Burstyn in Requiem for a Dream or b) my creepy, cracked-out down-the-hill neighbors who sell meth and shot someone in the foot a few weeks later. And there are always donuts after church. It's hard to pass up free donuts.
I am very, very nervous about applying to internships. I feel ridiculously underqualified for everything that looks interesting. Perhaps I should have sucked it up and written for the lame-ass BDH. Or saved the world or something. Hrumph.
I would like to get better at unifying the snippets of thoughts that float through my mind. I've been trying to do more writing of the personal essay/ non-fiction type and I am discovering that it is a lot harder than I would like it to be. I think the reason why I like poetry may be rooted in the flighty way that my brain operates-- poetry is a lot more conducive to the presentation of tenuously related ideas than prose. I should try to think of this as a strength that I bring to the table when writing prose. I want to write more in the coming year.
Good lord, is it the last day of 2007 already?
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Wow. A lot of things. I joined a Greek organization, was retardedly drunk in a foreign country where I did not speak the language, studied a lot of history, liked all of my classes yet still managed to realize that they weren't the most important part of my life, was the center of relationship-related drama, had close male friends, had a functioning relationship, built a charcoal box (haha), had really serious arguments/discussions with my family, learned a lot, inside and outside of the classroom.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions and will you make more for next year? If one of them was to exercise, I failed miserably at that one. I'd really like to write a lot more this year. And exercise.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My cousin had a baby and my parents were the godparents. This has been very exciting for my entire family, as it gives us an excuse to buy cute stuffed animals whenever we feel like it.
4. Did anyone close to you die? no, thankfully
5. What countries did you visit? China (well, this visit was in progress when the year began), Ah-mur-eeka, The Sovereign State of Denial
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Time to sleep when school is in session. HAH
7. What date(s) from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I don't remember dates very well at all. I'd like to think about this for my own personal edification, though. Thanks, faceless survey, for giving me something to reflect on!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? working things out on many levels!, being a good student sometimes, being less afraid of the phone, working for a summer in food service (I am really proud of this, no lie)
9. What was your biggest failure? exercise, not sleeping, not freaking out about work
10. Did you suffer any illness or injury? only my pride, on occasion
11. What was the best thing you bought? Eh. I wasn't very materialistic this year. At least I don't think I was.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? essentially, all of my friends. Also my dad for quitting his stupid job and getting a better one that makes him happy. And running the NY Marathon. My dad is badass.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? This is a really condemning question! the only person to whom this can apply is my lame freshman year roommate, who I used to hate.
14. Where did most of your money go? food, books, music, transportation tickets
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? seeing people, going back to Brown
16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Drowned World-Substitute for Love, Madonna; Do You Realize??, The Flaming Lips (yay Spring weekend!); Don't Look Back in Anger, Oasis (because Hannah and I used to sing it when we were going on walks); Summer in the City, Regina Spektor; High and Dry, Radiohead; Let's Dance, David Bowie (BRYN!) ; Xaipe (haha)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier !!!!!!!!! all of those exclamation points are warranted.
ii. thinner or fatter? eh, probably fatter, but who cares.
iii. richer or poorer? slightly richer, monetarily, thanks to my stint at Cheddar's. and much richer in terms of interpersonal relationships
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? reading for pleasure, practicing my horn
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? moping, facebooking
20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent it at home, lounging around and making Mussels Rockefeller.
22. Did you fall in love in 2007? Actually, yes.
23. How many one-night stands? This is a lame question. The answer is none.
24. What was your favorite TV program? America's Next Top Model (when I could watch it), Six Feet Under. This is a lame question too.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? no, though I did hate my ex-roommate for a time.
26. What was the best book you read? Oh gee. The War of 1898, The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I didn't read nearly enough, though I know there are things I'm leaving off the list.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? LIZ PHAIR! Ray of Light! Schumann's Dichterliebe! Mahler 5! Charles Mingus! Bartok Concerto for Orchestra! That R.E.M. isn't as lame as I thought! I kind of rediscovered the Smashing Pumpkins, too. I listened to a lot of classical music. Also, Ipods are cool.
28. What did you want and get? fifty new friends?
29. What did you get and not want? sleep deprivation. does one "get" sleep deprivation? I don't know. either way, I had a lot of it.
30. What was your favorite film of this year? As per usual, I hardly saw any films this year. BUT I did see Annie Hall, Donnie Darko and Lost in Translation and liked those a lot. Across the Universe was pretty, if somewhat insubstantial. Ratatouille was adorable.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? oh gee. I turned 19 and (I think) went shopping and out to lunch at a vegetarian restaurant with my mom. I am hip.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? sleep! and a teleportation device.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? "ooh, it's 7:57. I have to be in class in four minutes. Let me put on the pants I've been wearing for the past week and whatever t-shirt is at the top of my drawer. yeah, that looks great."
34. What kept you sane? having a really awesome core group of friends, including the best roommate ever (this year). those who never failed to reassure me when I was freaking out. tea time. massages.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Daniel Craig. I'm lame. Unless my History of the Holocaust professor counts as a public figure. I want to be Maud Mandel when I grow up. Siggggh
36. What political issue stirred you the most? immigration, and Hillary Clinton's campaign (at least momentarily)
37. Who did you miss? pbtthhh. Bryn and Megan (whyyy do you guys go to school in the midwest LAME), Jon, other graduating seniors, everyone from Brown (over the summer).
38. Who was the best new person you met? Oooh! The entirety of ADPhi, Mark Steinbach and his appogiaturas, Kate Fritzsche, some of the nice people at Cheddars. There is a notable overlap between the answers to 37 and 38.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: There is life outside of the classroom. Things work themselves out. I am a desirable person. Also, there exists a group of people who think it is a good idea to reenact William Jennings Bryan's Cross of Gold speech on the Main Green, and I am a member of that group.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
how grateful I was to be part of the mystery
to love and to be loved
let's just hope that is enough
Stay tuned for the end o' the year wrap-up entry. DUN DUN DUN