i'm just an illusion
I see this sketched hand slapping me right across the face, but I feel nothing. No pain, no hurt, just complete numbness. I haven’t been spending a lot of time with my girlfriends, something which I really hate to be guilty of. I berate myself for being such a bad friend, for not doing enough for them, and truth be told, I don’t do enough. But I find myself so blessed and so lucky that these amazing people have stood by me through everything, good or bad, thrown in my way.
Just last night, one of my friends said to me, “Sarah, I love it when you’re happy.” It suddenly struck me, I’ve been living in this sphere of pain and tears which I inadvertently placed on them as well. I guess it was very hard for them to reach out because there was a thick fog around me saturated with such volatile emotions. They were afraid they’d somehow mess up and I’d be left alone, stone cold and broken.
Life would never be peachy, not for me that is. I get better sometimes, and then I slump back into an unforgiving darkness. It was never meant to be easy but we live it, just like how we hate examinations but go through with it in the end.
I'll take what you give me.
Please know that I'm learning.
I've looked in the mirror,
My world's getting clearer,
So wait for me this time.
Just last night, one of my friends said to me, “Sarah, I love it when you’re happy.” It suddenly struck me, I’ve been living in this sphere of pain and tears which I inadvertently placed on them as well. I guess it was very hard for them to reach out because there was a thick fog around me saturated with such volatile emotions. They were afraid they’d somehow mess up and I’d be left alone, stone cold and broken.
Life would never be peachy, not for me that is. I get better sometimes, and then I slump back into an unforgiving darkness. It was never meant to be easy but we live it, just like how we hate examinations but go through with it in the end.
I'll take what you give me.
Please know that I'm learning.
I've looked in the mirror,
My world's getting clearer,
So wait for me this time.