In the Wrong Pt 10/10
Title: "In the Wrong" 10/10
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst/a smidge of Fluff.
Warning: Mild swearing, some language not suitable for children. Hell this whole fic isn't suitable for children.
Summary: Seungri tried so hard. So why did it feel that no matter what happened he always ended up in the wrong?
A/N: The last part to my fic! Thanks for reading this fic! I love you all and your comments so much! You are so amazing!
~*~
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Epilogue
~*~
A cold breeze swept his bangs aside and for a moment Jiyong thought he might jump. Panic gripped his chest and he felt compelled to set into a run. Before he could even take a step closer to Seungri, the boy sat down with an exhausted huff and hung his legs over the edge.
“I’m not going to kill myself, Jiyong.” His voice startled him from his hiding spot behind the door. Seungri glanced back with weary eyes. “You don’t deserve that kind of martyrdom.”
Ouch. For some reason that hurt more than any kind of slap he’d ever been delivered. He lowered his eyes, ashamed.
“I guess I deserved that.”
A scoff. His shoes crunched across the gravel but it seemed that every step he took brought them farther apart. Seungri’s back quivered and betrayed his quiet countenance. It pulled at Jiyong’s heart and he made the last three steps like a man possessed. He moved to drape his arm gently on the maknae’s shoulder, but it was shrugged off.
“Don’t touch me so casually, hyung.” His voice was cold and so far away, Jiyong wondered if he would ever be able to reach him. His pride begged him to turn around and save what little was left after the disgusting display of rejection from the maknae of all people. His eyes burned with what he told himself was just the wind and his hands actually ached to touch him. But most of all his heart was trying valiantly to leap out of his chest and run to where if felt the most home-right beside the breaking boy on the ledge.
“I can’t not touch you, Seungri.” He whispered and let the wind take it to his ears. “I feel like I might die if I don’t.” Whatever response he had been expecting was severely disappointed when he turned around with blazing eyes and hopped of the edge of the roof.
“You rejected me, remember?” His finger pointed out accusingly and Jiyong felt scared to be on the other end of it. “You don’t get to push me away and pull me back whenever you feel horny!”
“That not-”
“You know what hyung?” His eyes dimmed again and Jiyong already missed the fire they held, even if it was only in anger towards him. “I really don’t care to hear whatever excuse you’re going to make this time So just save your breath and call up one of your girlfriends if you can’t stand to be alone tonight. Because I’m done with this game. You win.” He pushed past him towards the door.
“Just like you always do.”
A weight like a truck fell on him and he found himself sinking slowly to his knees along with it. He clasped his thighs in absolution and hoped against everything he held dear that he could make the boy understand. He had to understand. It was Seungri and Jiyong! Tom and Jerry! They were always supposed to be together. He willed his body to stop it’s frantic motions of anguish at watching the only person he cared for walk away. He knew if he reached the door, he might as well be stepping into another country for as far as he would be from him.
Breathe Jiyong, stop, breathe and relax.
“I’M SORRY!” His voice boomed into the night as Seoul swallowed it whole. Seungri paused mid step in some cheesy rendition of a movie. “I know I fucked up so many times and I hurt you more than you can probably forgive me for, but I just…” His voice cracked and he keeled over on the gravel. “I really can’t live without you.”
He heard a pause before the door to the roof slammed shut.
No!
He couldn’t force his eyes up to see the reality of the only chance he had left slipping though his fingers. His chest shattered into a million tiny pieces of glass, digging their way out from the inside. He wanted to scream and cry and give up. He ached to go back and take all the words and looks and hurt he piled on Seungri in a pathetic attempt to stave off his own. His mind reeled and ran at 100 miles an hour trying to process every single moment he had made a wrong turn that led him to breaking apart on a roof top. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to tune out the world, but all he could see behind closed lids was Seungri. The boy he tore apart and tried to use to mock his past and remove his anguish. His
beautiful
broken
boy.
“I’m so sorry…my Seungri…”
“Finally.” The world came rushing back to him with one word. “Finally you said something true.”
He looked up through blurry tear filled eyes and saw a half-smiling boy near the door. Furiously, he swiped the water from his cheeks. He stood on unsteady legs and made his way gratefully to Seungri. Before he could take a step he was halted with a shaking hand.
“I haven’t forgiven you.” Jiyong didn’t need to wonder where he had learned this cruel joke from. As he felt a wave of nausea come over him, he knew it was his payback. It didn’t make it hurt any less, though. Vaguely he wondered how much longer the maknae would torture him. It was only fair to do it the same amount of time, right? His stomach clenched at the thought of two months of hoping and breaking.
“Of course.” He whispered in reply. It was only fair. The wind picked up and pushed the hair into his eyes, obscuring his view of the avenging angel in front of him.
“But I’m giving you a chance to work at it.” His words struck him right between the eyes and made him stare with wide hopeful eyes.
“What?” It slipped out his mouth before he could pull it back. He prayed it wouldn’t make the maknae change his mind.
“I know it’s stupid to give you another chance, but” he briefly closed his eyes as if preparing himself for something. “that’s what people in love do, right? Make bad decisions.”
“You love me?” his heart pumped in something close to excitement. No one had ever really loved him before. Not in the way Seungri did.
“Yes. As much as I have tried not to, I do.” He struck with selfish guilt at the way Seungri’s eyes looked so broken. He had done that. And he would probably do it again. It wasn’t fair of him to even ask for anything. How cruel could he possibly be?
“I really am sorry.” And he really was. One look at the youngest made him feel light and heavy at the same time. Seungri sighed and for some reason he felt like he had said the wrong thing again. Why did he always misunderstand?!
“I know you are. And for now, that’s going to have to be enough.” In the movies, when the two star-crossed lovers met for the final scene, they always confessed their love, kissed and lived happily ever after. They didn’t sigh and hug themselves in a sad parody of what love should have been. He glanced at the maknae and felt like he had messed everything up irrevocably. It was not supposed to be this hard. He owed it to the boy to give him one last out. He opened his mouth and ground out the five hardest(most truthful) words he had ever uttered.
“I will probably hurt you.” Seungri looked up and for some reason, looked a little happier at his declaration of honesty.
“I know.” Seungri walked to him with the steadfastness of someone who knew exactly what they were doing. He breathed in deeply and wound his arms around his middle. It felt like coming home. Seungri gently laid his head to rest on his shoulder. In the past, the sheer domestic picture would have choked him, but up on the rooftop, in the middle of night, with Seoul burning all around them, he could only grip him back tightly. “But I’m willing to try if you are.”
And maybe that was all they could do. Hold each other and try to work through each day at time. Nothing was going to work itself out magically in one day. Seungri might not be able to just forgive all the pain served to him and Jiyong would maybe never get over the past he clung to. Seunghyun would not find their new found affinity for each other sweet or loving and Youngbae’s tired eyes wouldn’t brighten just because of their linked hands. Nothing would just fix itself. They would have to work at it.
Jiyong breathed in the night air deeply and felt oddly at ease.
That was ok. Because with his life clinging to him he couldn’t help but grin stupidly; one of those rays-of-sun, insides-trying-to-escape, the-world-couldn’t-be-better smiles. And maybe that’s what love really was. A smile even when the future loomed ahead and the thought of home made his stomach clench.
He knew distinctly as long as it was with Seungri, he could take whatever life threw at him.
“You’re smiling.”
“I can’t help it.”
“Good. I like it.” He laid a small kiss on the side of his neck and Jiyong could feel a smile against his skin. “I missed your smiles.” He squeezed his arms tighter around Seungri, afraid to let him go for even a second. What amazing things this boy had done to him. Done for him. It filled his mind with rampant thoughts of their life together and what might lay ahead. He looked up into the night sky and hoped for an eternity of moments like this.
A forever of days and nights with Seungri because as always, “You give me something to smile about.”
Such a common thing filled his heart and made him change and grow and give up something for someone else. Give him self to someone else. But most of all, he wanted to do it. Anything to keep Seungri safe and happy and smiling like his world was complete. Something so unlike him that he knew, more than anything in his whole life, he was never going to let him go.
He placed a kiss to his forehead and sighed, finally content.
“My Seungri…”
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst/a smidge of Fluff.
Warning: Mild swearing, some language not suitable for children. Hell this whole fic isn't suitable for children.
Summary: Seungri tried so hard. So why did it feel that no matter what happened he always ended up in the wrong?
A/N: The last part to my fic! Thanks for reading this fic! I love you all and your comments so much! You are so amazing!
~*~
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Epilogue
~*~
A cold breeze swept his bangs aside and for a moment Jiyong thought he might jump. Panic gripped his chest and he felt compelled to set into a run. Before he could even take a step closer to Seungri, the boy sat down with an exhausted huff and hung his legs over the edge.
“I’m not going to kill myself, Jiyong.” His voice startled him from his hiding spot behind the door. Seungri glanced back with weary eyes. “You don’t deserve that kind of martyrdom.”
Ouch. For some reason that hurt more than any kind of slap he’d ever been delivered. He lowered his eyes, ashamed.
“I guess I deserved that.”
A scoff. His shoes crunched across the gravel but it seemed that every step he took brought them farther apart. Seungri’s back quivered and betrayed his quiet countenance. It pulled at Jiyong’s heart and he made the last three steps like a man possessed. He moved to drape his arm gently on the maknae’s shoulder, but it was shrugged off.
“Don’t touch me so casually, hyung.” His voice was cold and so far away, Jiyong wondered if he would ever be able to reach him. His pride begged him to turn around and save what little was left after the disgusting display of rejection from the maknae of all people. His eyes burned with what he told himself was just the wind and his hands actually ached to touch him. But most of all his heart was trying valiantly to leap out of his chest and run to where if felt the most home-right beside the breaking boy on the ledge.
“I can’t not touch you, Seungri.” He whispered and let the wind take it to his ears. “I feel like I might die if I don’t.” Whatever response he had been expecting was severely disappointed when he turned around with blazing eyes and hopped of the edge of the roof.
“You rejected me, remember?” His finger pointed out accusingly and Jiyong felt scared to be on the other end of it. “You don’t get to push me away and pull me back whenever you feel horny!”
“That not-”
“You know what hyung?” His eyes dimmed again and Jiyong already missed the fire they held, even if it was only in anger towards him. “I really don’t care to hear whatever excuse you’re going to make this time So just save your breath and call up one of your girlfriends if you can’t stand to be alone tonight. Because I’m done with this game. You win.” He pushed past him towards the door.
“Just like you always do.”
A weight like a truck fell on him and he found himself sinking slowly to his knees along with it. He clasped his thighs in absolution and hoped against everything he held dear that he could make the boy understand. He had to understand. It was Seungri and Jiyong! Tom and Jerry! They were always supposed to be together. He willed his body to stop it’s frantic motions of anguish at watching the only person he cared for walk away. He knew if he reached the door, he might as well be stepping into another country for as far as he would be from him.
Breathe Jiyong, stop, breathe and relax.
“I’M SORRY!” His voice boomed into the night as Seoul swallowed it whole. Seungri paused mid step in some cheesy rendition of a movie. “I know I fucked up so many times and I hurt you more than you can probably forgive me for, but I just…” His voice cracked and he keeled over on the gravel. “I really can’t live without you.”
He heard a pause before the door to the roof slammed shut.
No!
He couldn’t force his eyes up to see the reality of the only chance he had left slipping though his fingers. His chest shattered into a million tiny pieces of glass, digging their way out from the inside. He wanted to scream and cry and give up. He ached to go back and take all the words and looks and hurt he piled on Seungri in a pathetic attempt to stave off his own. His mind reeled and ran at 100 miles an hour trying to process every single moment he had made a wrong turn that led him to breaking apart on a roof top. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to tune out the world, but all he could see behind closed lids was Seungri. The boy he tore apart and tried to use to mock his past and remove his anguish. His
beautiful
broken
boy.
“I’m so sorry…my Seungri…”
“Finally.” The world came rushing back to him with one word. “Finally you said something true.”
He looked up through blurry tear filled eyes and saw a half-smiling boy near the door. Furiously, he swiped the water from his cheeks. He stood on unsteady legs and made his way gratefully to Seungri. Before he could take a step he was halted with a shaking hand.
“I haven’t forgiven you.” Jiyong didn’t need to wonder where he had learned this cruel joke from. As he felt a wave of nausea come over him, he knew it was his payback. It didn’t make it hurt any less, though. Vaguely he wondered how much longer the maknae would torture him. It was only fair to do it the same amount of time, right? His stomach clenched at the thought of two months of hoping and breaking.
“Of course.” He whispered in reply. It was only fair. The wind picked up and pushed the hair into his eyes, obscuring his view of the avenging angel in front of him.
“But I’m giving you a chance to work at it.” His words struck him right between the eyes and made him stare with wide hopeful eyes.
“What?” It slipped out his mouth before he could pull it back. He prayed it wouldn’t make the maknae change his mind.
“I know it’s stupid to give you another chance, but” he briefly closed his eyes as if preparing himself for something. “that’s what people in love do, right? Make bad decisions.”
“You love me?” his heart pumped in something close to excitement. No one had ever really loved him before. Not in the way Seungri did.
“Yes. As much as I have tried not to, I do.” He struck with selfish guilt at the way Seungri’s eyes looked so broken. He had done that. And he would probably do it again. It wasn’t fair of him to even ask for anything. How cruel could he possibly be?
“I really am sorry.” And he really was. One look at the youngest made him feel light and heavy at the same time. Seungri sighed and for some reason he felt like he had said the wrong thing again. Why did he always misunderstand?!
“I know you are. And for now, that’s going to have to be enough.” In the movies, when the two star-crossed lovers met for the final scene, they always confessed their love, kissed and lived happily ever after. They didn’t sigh and hug themselves in a sad parody of what love should have been. He glanced at the maknae and felt like he had messed everything up irrevocably. It was not supposed to be this hard. He owed it to the boy to give him one last out. He opened his mouth and ground out the five hardest(most truthful) words he had ever uttered.
“I will probably hurt you.” Seungri looked up and for some reason, looked a little happier at his declaration of honesty.
“I know.” Seungri walked to him with the steadfastness of someone who knew exactly what they were doing. He breathed in deeply and wound his arms around his middle. It felt like coming home. Seungri gently laid his head to rest on his shoulder. In the past, the sheer domestic picture would have choked him, but up on the rooftop, in the middle of night, with Seoul burning all around them, he could only grip him back tightly. “But I’m willing to try if you are.”
And maybe that was all they could do. Hold each other and try to work through each day at time. Nothing was going to work itself out magically in one day. Seungri might not be able to just forgive all the pain served to him and Jiyong would maybe never get over the past he clung to. Seunghyun would not find their new found affinity for each other sweet or loving and Youngbae’s tired eyes wouldn’t brighten just because of their linked hands. Nothing would just fix itself. They would have to work at it.
Jiyong breathed in the night air deeply and felt oddly at ease.
That was ok. Because with his life clinging to him he couldn’t help but grin stupidly; one of those rays-of-sun, insides-trying-to-escape, the-world-couldn’t-be-better smiles. And maybe that’s what love really was. A smile even when the future loomed ahead and the thought of home made his stomach clench.
He knew distinctly as long as it was with Seungri, he could take whatever life threw at him.
“You’re smiling.”
“I can’t help it.”
“Good. I like it.” He laid a small kiss on the side of his neck and Jiyong could feel a smile against his skin. “I missed your smiles.” He squeezed his arms tighter around Seungri, afraid to let him go for even a second. What amazing things this boy had done to him. Done for him. It filled his mind with rampant thoughts of their life together and what might lay ahead. He looked up into the night sky and hoped for an eternity of moments like this.
A forever of days and nights with Seungri because as always, “You give me something to smile about.”
Such a common thing filled his heart and made him change and grow and give up something for someone else. Give him self to someone else. But most of all, he wanted to do it. Anything to keep Seungri safe and happy and smiling like his world was complete. Something so unlike him that he knew, more than anything in his whole life, he was never going to let him go.
He placed a kiss to his forehead and sighed, finally content.
“My Seungri…”