(no subject)
Aww. Kevin just had to call my cell phone, say, "You're a whore," and hang up. He couldn't help it. Ever since I broke his heart by being such a bitch, leaving him unprepared and devastated, he's had to revert to his teenage ways. If only I had waited for a more opportune and convenient time for him!
I fucked up big time, and I regret it. I gave him the benefit of every doubt - the doubt that he was really the asshole everyone told me was, that he was the spineless whiner my parents said he was, that he was the typical guy his latenight conversations and bandmate brags said he was, that he was the loser he said he was...
I really believed in him. I really thought that he wanted an education and would do anything to get it. I really thought that he was a thoughtful, peaceful person. I really thought that he was strong-minded and willful. I really thought he was right for me and that we could be happy.
I should have been able to motivate him to apply for college, help him study for the SAT, remind him to apply for financial aid, encourage him to stop treating his parents like shit, coach him through fear-of-death freakouts, finish my all-AP senior year, apply for my own scholarships, make it through my own classes, obtain my own jobs, AND realize in a painless and timely fashion that we weren't going to work out and my perception of him was delusional. I mean, with everything he was doing for me and the relationship, I can't believe I wasn't pulling my weight.
I must be a fucking whore for figuring it out on a time schedule that wasn't comfy for him. I really deserve to be wanting to die right now. I'm so glad Kevin still finds it in himself to care enough about me to offer his help in putting me out of my misery. I'm glad that I'm still so important to him that reading my journal is part of his daily routine. Ah, if only I could have him back. I'm certainly not happy without someone to mother. I have this relationship right now that is so reciprocal that I don't even know what to do with myself!
Is this what you want? Or do you want me to hate you as pathetically as you hate me? Are you trying to get me to retaliate so you have a valid reason to be so pissed off? Are you bored? What is your fucking problem? Fuck off. I don't have to deal with your infantile moods anymore. You're such a sad excuse.
I fucked up big time, and I regret it. I gave him the benefit of every doubt - the doubt that he was really the asshole everyone told me was, that he was the spineless whiner my parents said he was, that he was the typical guy his latenight conversations and bandmate brags said he was, that he was the loser he said he was...
I really believed in him. I really thought that he wanted an education and would do anything to get it. I really thought that he was a thoughtful, peaceful person. I really thought that he was strong-minded and willful. I really thought he was right for me and that we could be happy.
I should have been able to motivate him to apply for college, help him study for the SAT, remind him to apply for financial aid, encourage him to stop treating his parents like shit, coach him through fear-of-death freakouts, finish my all-AP senior year, apply for my own scholarships, make it through my own classes, obtain my own jobs, AND realize in a painless and timely fashion that we weren't going to work out and my perception of him was delusional. I mean, with everything he was doing for me and the relationship, I can't believe I wasn't pulling my weight.
I must be a fucking whore for figuring it out on a time schedule that wasn't comfy for him. I really deserve to be wanting to die right now. I'm so glad Kevin still finds it in himself to care enough about me to offer his help in putting me out of my misery. I'm glad that I'm still so important to him that reading my journal is part of his daily routine. Ah, if only I could have him back. I'm certainly not happy without someone to mother. I have this relationship right now that is so reciprocal that I don't even know what to do with myself!
Is this what you want? Or do you want me to hate you as pathetically as you hate me? Are you trying to get me to retaliate so you have a valid reason to be so pissed off? Are you bored? What is your fucking problem? Fuck off. I don't have to deal with your infantile moods anymore. You're such a sad excuse.