Change.
Prompt: One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Gwen Bell)
I've weighed a couple of other words for the year, but they're just dressed up versions of that one. But it's been all about endings and beginnings, upheaval, relocation... change. I'd say it's mostly been good, or at least the sort of good that's got bittersweet edges because I've also left a lot of good behind. But... wow. A year ago I was prepping for my oral. I was applying for jobs. It seems like a very long time ago.
I read the prompt this morning, and have been rolling this around in my head all day, and what I keep coming around to is inhabit. There is all of this new around me -- new job [which -- in some ways, small differences, but in others, huge dramatic differences], new place, new people, new space. And while I've nested almost compulsively, it still has that... caution or hesitancy that comes with new things. That every exception a student comes up with is a new thing to check. That almost everything is an exploration (which is exciting, but it's also nice to have places-I-know... and that's just barely happening).
And so I want to feel at home. Less in a physical sense (although that's there), but metaphorically, all over the place. ;^) I want boxes un-packed, and to stop handling everything gently. I want to spread out and fill in. I want to have the mental space, and job space, and physical space to stop just making it through, and to sink my teeth in. To deal with some of the things that have been shelved (research, social stuff, doctors...). I don't want to be a cautious visitor, I want to live here, in as many senses as possible. I want to inhabit my life.
I'm jumping in and playing along with Reverb10. So that's where the prompt's from. Join us! As an experiment, I'm going make these posts public. It may or may not last; I just wanted to give you all a heads up.
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I've weighed a couple of other words for the year, but they're just dressed up versions of that one. But it's been all about endings and beginnings, upheaval, relocation... change. I'd say it's mostly been good, or at least the sort of good that's got bittersweet edges because I've also left a lot of good behind. But... wow. A year ago I was prepping for my oral. I was applying for jobs. It seems like a very long time ago.
I read the prompt this morning, and have been rolling this around in my head all day, and what I keep coming around to is inhabit. There is all of this new around me -- new job [which -- in some ways, small differences, but in others, huge dramatic differences], new place, new people, new space. And while I've nested almost compulsively, it still has that... caution or hesitancy that comes with new things. That every exception a student comes up with is a new thing to check. That almost everything is an exploration (which is exciting, but it's also nice to have places-I-know... and that's just barely happening).
And so I want to feel at home. Less in a physical sense (although that's there), but metaphorically, all over the place. ;^) I want boxes un-packed, and to stop handling everything gently. I want to spread out and fill in. I want to have the mental space, and job space, and physical space to stop just making it through, and to sink my teeth in. To deal with some of the things that have been shelved (research, social stuff, doctors...). I don't want to be a cautious visitor, I want to live here, in as many senses as possible. I want to inhabit my life.
I'm jumping in and playing along with Reverb10. So that's where the prompt's from. Join us! As an experiment, I'm going make these posts public. It may or may not last; I just wanted to give you all a heads up.
This entry was posted on Dreamwidth. Please comment there using OpenID. Comments: