open letter
dear former roommates,
please change your address with the post office. my mailbox is quite regularly crammed full of mail, not one piece of which is addressed to a single person who still lives here. i should not have to deal with the bank statements and letters from sponsored children in africa of every person who has moved out of this apartment in the past two years.
dear current roommate,
please pay your bills. you still owe me for last month's utilities, not to mention the half a month of back rent. and let's really not discuss the full month's deposit due from you this past week which i have yet to receive. i am broke and therefore cannot float you, i cannot even afford to take the subway. i am afraid, dear roommate, that your inattention to these matters has pushed the situation to shape-up-or-ship-out.
dear wireless internet signal,
please do not crap out on me for a full two weeks and then return without excuse or apology. i find your behavior erratic and very, very irritating.
dear film industry,
only you could get away with consistently taking two months to process a paycheck. i've become accustomed to the fact that you basically shut down for a full one-sixth to one-quarter of the fiscal year and have ordered my life around such planned obsolesence. but when the paychecks from the few jobs i actually managed to get fail to arrive in a timely manner, i find it very difficult to live in the manner to which i have grown accustomed: a roof over my head, food, and the rest goes straight to sallie mae.
dear christmas,
i'm sorry. it just ain't happening this year.
it's not you, it's me.
please change your address with the post office. my mailbox is quite regularly crammed full of mail, not one piece of which is addressed to a single person who still lives here. i should not have to deal with the bank statements and letters from sponsored children in africa of every person who has moved out of this apartment in the past two years.
dear current roommate,
please pay your bills. you still owe me for last month's utilities, not to mention the half a month of back rent. and let's really not discuss the full month's deposit due from you this past week which i have yet to receive. i am broke and therefore cannot float you, i cannot even afford to take the subway. i am afraid, dear roommate, that your inattention to these matters has pushed the situation to shape-up-or-ship-out.
dear wireless internet signal,
please do not crap out on me for a full two weeks and then return without excuse or apology. i find your behavior erratic and very, very irritating.
dear film industry,
only you could get away with consistently taking two months to process a paycheck. i've become accustomed to the fact that you basically shut down for a full one-sixth to one-quarter of the fiscal year and have ordered my life around such planned obsolesence. but when the paychecks from the few jobs i actually managed to get fail to arrive in a timely manner, i find it very difficult to live in the manner to which i have grown accustomed: a roof over my head, food, and the rest goes straight to sallie mae.
dear christmas,
i'm sorry. it just ain't happening this year.
it's not you, it's me.