Words and Friends
Two articles have popped up on Facebook recently that have me thinking. One was on journaling, the other friendship. The article on keeping a journal pointed out the way writing in a journal can get your creative juices flowing and stimulate your mind, which I miss. Remember the days when you'd be driving home, thinking deeply and couldn't wait to share your thoughts with LJ? I look back on those entries and miss that person. My brain feels blank. I remember people asking me how I managed to write so much, how I figured out what to write about. I remember thinking how weird it would be to have nothing to write about. Here I am. I get frustrated writing about nothing but how annoyed I am with the people around me, when in reality there is plenty to be thankful and happy about....it just so happens I've only been coming here to bitch. Like polkaroo was saying, this place used to be the one I looked back on to remember big events, or when something happened, or when I felt so and so about so and so. Thank Dog for LJ, it's how I remembered when and how I first met guitargrrl, how I pinpointed the date Alex first came around, how I dealt with mothers days and birthdays and first days on jobs, and when I ate too many tylenol on purpose and what snapped me out of that. It's important.
The friendship article was about keeping friendships and why we do it. About friendships fading and why they do that. I don't have many friends these days, and I think it's because it is so exhausting for me. When I get down, I hide, and the more guilt I feel about it, the less likely I am to reciprocate any kind of friendship thing. I should grow up. I should be responsible for my end of friendships, but I'm worse now than ever when it comes to being a friend. I think we have some kind of expectation that we should stay as close as we've always been all the time....expectations are deal breakers.
Things are fine. I was cancelled from work tonight, which I don't mind because the landlady is coming on Saturday and I need to clean and pretend I don't live like a slob. She wants to do a walkthrough of the whole house since we've been here a few years....I am not a big fan of strangers poking around in my shower corners to check for mold, but I suppose that's the price you pay to live in someone else's house.
The friendship article was about keeping friendships and why we do it. About friendships fading and why they do that. I don't have many friends these days, and I think it's because it is so exhausting for me. When I get down, I hide, and the more guilt I feel about it, the less likely I am to reciprocate any kind of friendship thing. I should grow up. I should be responsible for my end of friendships, but I'm worse now than ever when it comes to being a friend. I think we have some kind of expectation that we should stay as close as we've always been all the time....expectations are deal breakers.
Things are fine. I was cancelled from work tonight, which I don't mind because the landlady is coming on Saturday and I need to clean and pretend I don't live like a slob. She wants to do a walkthrough of the whole house since we've been here a few years....I am not a big fan of strangers poking around in my shower corners to check for mold, but I suppose that's the price you pay to live in someone else's house.