(no subject)
i've been really sick and i'm just so worn out. i had dental surgery a couple of weeks ago - it was a disaster; long story, but it was just really really painful - and now i'm in bed with a fever and a really bad cold; everything just hurts. i haven't weighed myself in for ever, i don't even want to know anymore. i look in the mirror and i can see that i'm still fat - the number will just lead to bingeing and purging and more bingeing. i want to disappear from all of this; i hate it when people ask or stare, they don't really care anyway. no, really - they don't. they're just looking for gossip. i've lost every single friend i've once had, but i'm dealing with it. i'm fine with it. i used to think that everyone needs somebody, but i've learned to get along just fine. people talk, but that can be ignored too.
i am back together with the boy, but it's not the same as it was before. i feel like i'm under a magnifying glass 24/7 - everything i do (not that i'm unfaithful to him or anything) is closely watched. i get tired, trying so hard. but again, it's another thing i can adjust to because i know that without him i won't be able to cope at all. since i've lost everybody else, he's all i've got. he's my boyfriend, my best friend - he's like family. i'm not going to let that go, it's too important to me.
i am back together with the boy, but it's not the same as it was before. i feel like i'm under a magnifying glass 24/7 - everything i do (not that i'm unfaithful to him or anything) is closely watched. i get tired, trying so hard. but again, it's another thing i can adjust to because i know that without him i won't be able to cope at all. since i've lost everybody else, he's all i've got. he's my boyfriend, my best friend - he's like family. i'm not going to let that go, it's too important to me.