[Chaptered] Landslide (Chapter 1)
Title: Landslide
Author: shiroikazex
Pairing: Hikaru x OC
Genre: Angst, romance
Rating: G
Summary: Set roughly 10 years or so into the future. He has somehow managed to hold on to the two things he loved the most, but for how much longer?
Note: Oh god this sounds terrible.
Prologue
Satomi opens her eyes to her darkened room. She wonders vaguely why she had woken up when it is still dark. Mama hasn't even come round to wake her for kindergarten yet.
And then she hears them. Random loud words that made no sense to her still sleepy self, coming through the door. She rolls out of bed and heads out of her room, holding the banister carefully as she goes down the stairs to the kitchen. With each step, the words get louder in her ears.
"Can you at least respect all the sacrifices I made for this family?!"
"I had my fair share of sacrifices, don't talk to me like that--"
"I gave up my everything for you, Yaotome!"
The shouting stops just as she gets to the doorway. She peeks around the corner, into the kitchen, just in time to see Mama cover her face and sink down into one of the chairs by the table and Papa looking at her, a scary expression on his face.
"M-Mama?"
Her parents turn to look at her, startled. Mama throws a glance at Papa before rushing towards her to pick her up. Papa's face disappears from view as she is carried up the stairs swiftly.
"Mama what's wrong?"
"N-Nothing sweetie," Mama answers in a quiet voice. "Sorry for waking you. Let's get you back in bed."
Satomi feels water on her cheeks, and wipes them away with the back of her hand. She spots the tears on Mama's cheek and wipes them away too. Minutes later she is back in bed, the covers pulled over her. Mama sits on the edge of her bed and smoothens her hair gently. The touch is comforting, and Satomi feels her panic disappearing.
"Mama, did Papa make you sad?"
Mama's hand pauses momentarily, and Satomi nudges her to continue.
"No, not at all. Shh, go back to sleep."
"…Can you stay until I fall asleep, Mama?"
"Yes, I will."
And Mama begins humming the lullaby that Papa wrote. The one she falls asleep to every night. She reaches for Mama's hand, comforted by the warmth of Mama's palm, and closes her little eyes.
She knows she has said something wrong with one look at him, since his body language has always been ridiculously easy to read. Eyes widening, hands stiffening, back straightening. He shakes his head and goes back to eating the leftovers she reheated for him. The clock on the wall reads 11.25pm.
She regrets it now--bringing up the subject just as he got home from work, but she has always been a person to follow her emotions at the moment, and that's what happened. She shifts in her seat and waits for him to reply.
"You're joking."
"I'm not," she says firmly. "I'm serious. I'm going to go get a job."
"Have you actually thought this through? It's impossible isn't it."
"…How so? There are many women who are out working nowadays--"
"Yes but--" He swallows hard and looks her in the eye. "They probably someone who can take care of their kids or housework when they're not around, like, their parents or husbands or something. Who's gonna look after Satomi if you're working? Your mom hates me."
"We could find her a day care."
"I don't trust them."
"What choice do we have then?!" She says exasperatedly as he gets up to go to the fridge.
"Just, don't get a job!"
"Yaotome, that's not what this discussion is about."
"Why do you even want a job, all of a sudden? You're not making sense."
"I just… I have a MBS degree from Todai. All my batch mates are working in big firms now and… I'm the only one who hasn't got a job."
"Well, how many of them are married?"
"A good number," she answers defiantly.
"How many of them have kids?"
"That's not the point--"
"That is the point," she could tell that he is getting worked up too. "Your job is to run this household now. Not spending hours in a financial firm somewhere."
"I feel like I haven't done anything with my own life."
"Oh so Satomi was a waste of your life then?"
"No! Don't you dare put words in my mouth!"
"Then what is it?" He folds his arms across his chest and leans against the kitchen counter with a glare.
"I told you, I want my life back--at least a small part of it. I spent years of my life chasing after a qualification and nothing has come out of it--"
"What do you mean by 'your life'?!"
"I don't know, something I can do for myself! Something that makes me feel like I still have control over my own life and like I didn't waste my entire education. A few hours a day for me not be tied down by looking after this house that you are leaving completely in my hands--"
"You are being incredibly selfish, you know that?"
She gapes at his retort, and it triggers the entire onslaught of emotions she had kept suppressed for the years they have been together. She stands to face him, her eyes stinging as she finally snapped. It feels oddly good to see him taken aback by her sudden outburst.
"Selfish?! Are you in any position to talk about being selfish?! You are allowed to have your career and your life and your everything while I have had to give up my family and my own life--"
"Well it was your choice! We've all had tough decisions to make--"
"Can you at least respect all the sacrifices I made for this family?!"
"I had my fair share of sacrifices, don't talk to me like that--"
"I gave up my everything for you, Yaotome!"
She catches sight of his fists clenching right before tears cloud her vision. She falls back into the kitchen chair to catch her breath, the adrenaline rush from a moment ago already leaving her.
She could feel it. Hear it, even. The deep rumbling of something collapsing and falling to pieces in her head. The relationship that they had tried to believe to be functional for the past few years. For the sake of Satomi, perhaps, for the sake of themselves too.
"M-Mama?"
Her baby daughter's voice hits her like a lightning strike. She looks up at the doorway to see Satomi hiding partly around the corner, her eyes wide with panic. Out of the corner of her eye she spots Hikaru making a move towards their daughter, and a wave of possessiveness washes over her.
He had everything he wanted in his life already. He didn't need Satomi. Or her.
She dashes from her seat and scoops Satomi up into her arms without a second look in his direction. She bounds up the stairs quickly.
"Mama what's wrong?"
"N-Nothing sweetie," she forces herself to answer with a steady voice. "Sorry for waking you. Let's get you back in bed."
She feels Satomi's hand on her cheek, wiping her tears away, and it breaks her heart. She can't do this after all.
She tucks Satomi into her little bed under her pink patterned covers and sits by her. Her eyes are met with Satomi's, still filled with panic and worry. She brushes Satomi's hair from her face and smoothens the sides down.
"Mama, did Papa make you sad?"
She pauses when she hears footsteps outside the door, and Satomi nudges her to continue.
"No, not at all. Shh, go back to sleep."
The footsteps continue down the hallway, and then she hears the soft click of her own bedroom door opening. It does not close.
"…Can you stay until I fall asleep, Mama?"
"Yes, I will."
She takes Satomi's outstretched hand and begins humming the lullaby Hikaru had written for their daughter. Without any lyrics, just a simple tune. Minutes later, Satomi was fast asleep. She gently withdraws her hand and goes to switch off the lights of the nursery.
She looks down the hallway for a moment. The kitchen lights have been turned off, and a dim orange light spills from the ajar door to the master bedroom. His shadow momentarily passes through the light and she ducks back into Satomi's room. She shuts the door quietly and sits herself on the floor, leaning her head against Satomi's bed.
Fatigue washes over her.
He hears them running up the stairs.
And suddenly the kitchen feels very, very cold, despite it nearing summer. He sets his coffee mug down on the counter and it sounds painfully loudly against the marble.
How could she? There is no one else in the world who could take her place in this house. And he does look after them well. He's been there--most of the time. He works hard to provide for them. He takes Satomi out. He makes sure to tell her his schedule so she wouldn't worry.
An odd mixture of guilt and anger tears at his insides and he takes a moment to steady himself. Silence mocks him. His phone buzzes in his pocket and it's a mail from his manager. Filming has been rescheduled to an hour earlier.
He dejectedly makes his way up the stairs. Work. Demands. His in-built instinct to always fulfill demands.
He stops at Satomi's door, debating for a brief second if he should go in and kiss his little princess goodnight and hug her and apologize for scaring her.
"Mama, did Papa make you sad?"
Something cold and hard spears through his torso and his hand freezes on the doorknob. He made her sad.
"No, not at all. Shh, go back to sleep."
He forces himself to return to his bedroom, dragging his feet against the carpeting. He changes into his sleepwear -- a long sleeved tee-shirt she got for him on a trip to Spain and sweats -- and hits the bathroom to wash up, leaving the bedroom door ajar in case she comes in.
The man in the mirror stares back at him angrily. In his mid-30s, Hikaru always thought he still had most of his former glory, nice face nice body nice personality and all (his younger, teenage to early 20s fans are a testament to that). After all, his career is still going well and they are nearing JUMP's 20th anniversary. As scary as it is for him to believe it, it is before him. 20 years. Sometimes he does wonder how long he can continue doing this but he doesn't let the thought linger. He's doing fine. Still doing the things he's been doing since he was 17. With fewer happy-go-lucky songs and a little more maturity, but nonetheless, the business that deals out smiles for a hefty price.
His reflection tonight, though, is aged and tired and defeated, all of a sudden. He finally consciously wipes the anger and hurt off his face for fear of aggravating her again, and washes the rest of his fatigue away along with it.
Returning to the bedroom, he finds the queen sized bed still empty. He crosses to his side and ducks below the covers.
He stares at the door and waits.
Author: shiroikazex
Pairing: Hikaru x OC
Genre: Angst, romance
Rating: G
Summary: Set roughly 10 years or so into the future. He has somehow managed to hold on to the two things he loved the most, but for how much longer?
Note: Oh god this sounds terrible.
Prologue
Satomi opens her eyes to her darkened room. She wonders vaguely why she had woken up when it is still dark. Mama hasn't even come round to wake her for kindergarten yet.
And then she hears them. Random loud words that made no sense to her still sleepy self, coming through the door. She rolls out of bed and heads out of her room, holding the banister carefully as she goes down the stairs to the kitchen. With each step, the words get louder in her ears.
"Can you at least respect all the sacrifices I made for this family?!"
"I had my fair share of sacrifices, don't talk to me like that--"
"I gave up my everything for you, Yaotome!"
The shouting stops just as she gets to the doorway. She peeks around the corner, into the kitchen, just in time to see Mama cover her face and sink down into one of the chairs by the table and Papa looking at her, a scary expression on his face.
"M-Mama?"
Her parents turn to look at her, startled. Mama throws a glance at Papa before rushing towards her to pick her up. Papa's face disappears from view as she is carried up the stairs swiftly.
"Mama what's wrong?"
"N-Nothing sweetie," Mama answers in a quiet voice. "Sorry for waking you. Let's get you back in bed."
Satomi feels water on her cheeks, and wipes them away with the back of her hand. She spots the tears on Mama's cheek and wipes them away too. Minutes later she is back in bed, the covers pulled over her. Mama sits on the edge of her bed and smoothens her hair gently. The touch is comforting, and Satomi feels her panic disappearing.
"Mama, did Papa make you sad?"
Mama's hand pauses momentarily, and Satomi nudges her to continue.
"No, not at all. Shh, go back to sleep."
"…Can you stay until I fall asleep, Mama?"
"Yes, I will."
And Mama begins humming the lullaby that Papa wrote. The one she falls asleep to every night. She reaches for Mama's hand, comforted by the warmth of Mama's palm, and closes her little eyes.
She knows she has said something wrong with one look at him, since his body language has always been ridiculously easy to read. Eyes widening, hands stiffening, back straightening. He shakes his head and goes back to eating the leftovers she reheated for him. The clock on the wall reads 11.25pm.
She regrets it now--bringing up the subject just as he got home from work, but she has always been a person to follow her emotions at the moment, and that's what happened. She shifts in her seat and waits for him to reply.
"You're joking."
"I'm not," she says firmly. "I'm serious. I'm going to go get a job."
"Have you actually thought this through? It's impossible isn't it."
"…How so? There are many women who are out working nowadays--"
"Yes but--" He swallows hard and looks her in the eye. "They probably someone who can take care of their kids or housework when they're not around, like, their parents or husbands or something. Who's gonna look after Satomi if you're working? Your mom hates me."
"We could find her a day care."
"I don't trust them."
"What choice do we have then?!" She says exasperatedly as he gets up to go to the fridge.
"Just, don't get a job!"
"Yaotome, that's not what this discussion is about."
"Why do you even want a job, all of a sudden? You're not making sense."
"I just… I have a MBS degree from Todai. All my batch mates are working in big firms now and… I'm the only one who hasn't got a job."
"Well, how many of them are married?"
"A good number," she answers defiantly.
"How many of them have kids?"
"That's not the point--"
"That is the point," she could tell that he is getting worked up too. "Your job is to run this household now. Not spending hours in a financial firm somewhere."
"I feel like I haven't done anything with my own life."
"Oh so Satomi was a waste of your life then?"
"No! Don't you dare put words in my mouth!"
"Then what is it?" He folds his arms across his chest and leans against the kitchen counter with a glare.
"I told you, I want my life back--at least a small part of it. I spent years of my life chasing after a qualification and nothing has come out of it--"
"What do you mean by 'your life'?!"
"I don't know, something I can do for myself! Something that makes me feel like I still have control over my own life and like I didn't waste my entire education. A few hours a day for me not be tied down by looking after this house that you are leaving completely in my hands--"
"You are being incredibly selfish, you know that?"
She gapes at his retort, and it triggers the entire onslaught of emotions she had kept suppressed for the years they have been together. She stands to face him, her eyes stinging as she finally snapped. It feels oddly good to see him taken aback by her sudden outburst.
"Selfish?! Are you in any position to talk about being selfish?! You are allowed to have your career and your life and your everything while I have had to give up my family and my own life--"
"Well it was your choice! We've all had tough decisions to make--"
"Can you at least respect all the sacrifices I made for this family?!"
"I had my fair share of sacrifices, don't talk to me like that--"
"I gave up my everything for you, Yaotome!"
She catches sight of his fists clenching right before tears cloud her vision. She falls back into the kitchen chair to catch her breath, the adrenaline rush from a moment ago already leaving her.
She could feel it. Hear it, even. The deep rumbling of something collapsing and falling to pieces in her head. The relationship that they had tried to believe to be functional for the past few years. For the sake of Satomi, perhaps, for the sake of themselves too.
"M-Mama?"
Her baby daughter's voice hits her like a lightning strike. She looks up at the doorway to see Satomi hiding partly around the corner, her eyes wide with panic. Out of the corner of her eye she spots Hikaru making a move towards their daughter, and a wave of possessiveness washes over her.
He had everything he wanted in his life already. He didn't need Satomi. Or her.
She dashes from her seat and scoops Satomi up into her arms without a second look in his direction. She bounds up the stairs quickly.
"Mama what's wrong?"
"N-Nothing sweetie," she forces herself to answer with a steady voice. "Sorry for waking you. Let's get you back in bed."
She feels Satomi's hand on her cheek, wiping her tears away, and it breaks her heart. She can't do this after all.
She tucks Satomi into her little bed under her pink patterned covers and sits by her. Her eyes are met with Satomi's, still filled with panic and worry. She brushes Satomi's hair from her face and smoothens the sides down.
"Mama, did Papa make you sad?"
She pauses when she hears footsteps outside the door, and Satomi nudges her to continue.
"No, not at all. Shh, go back to sleep."
The footsteps continue down the hallway, and then she hears the soft click of her own bedroom door opening. It does not close.
"…Can you stay until I fall asleep, Mama?"
"Yes, I will."
She takes Satomi's outstretched hand and begins humming the lullaby Hikaru had written for their daughter. Without any lyrics, just a simple tune. Minutes later, Satomi was fast asleep. She gently withdraws her hand and goes to switch off the lights of the nursery.
She looks down the hallway for a moment. The kitchen lights have been turned off, and a dim orange light spills from the ajar door to the master bedroom. His shadow momentarily passes through the light and she ducks back into Satomi's room. She shuts the door quietly and sits herself on the floor, leaning her head against Satomi's bed.
Fatigue washes over her.
He hears them running up the stairs.
And suddenly the kitchen feels very, very cold, despite it nearing summer. He sets his coffee mug down on the counter and it sounds painfully loudly against the marble.
How could she? There is no one else in the world who could take her place in this house. And he does look after them well. He's been there--most of the time. He works hard to provide for them. He takes Satomi out. He makes sure to tell her his schedule so she wouldn't worry.
An odd mixture of guilt and anger tears at his insides and he takes a moment to steady himself. Silence mocks him. His phone buzzes in his pocket and it's a mail from his manager. Filming has been rescheduled to an hour earlier.
He dejectedly makes his way up the stairs. Work. Demands. His in-built instinct to always fulfill demands.
He stops at Satomi's door, debating for a brief second if he should go in and kiss his little princess goodnight and hug her and apologize for scaring her.
"Mama, did Papa make you sad?"
Something cold and hard spears through his torso and his hand freezes on the doorknob. He made her sad.
"No, not at all. Shh, go back to sleep."
He forces himself to return to his bedroom, dragging his feet against the carpeting. He changes into his sleepwear -- a long sleeved tee-shirt she got for him on a trip to Spain and sweats -- and hits the bathroom to wash up, leaving the bedroom door ajar in case she comes in.
The man in the mirror stares back at him angrily. In his mid-30s, Hikaru always thought he still had most of his former glory, nice face nice body nice personality and all (his younger, teenage to early 20s fans are a testament to that). After all, his career is still going well and they are nearing JUMP's 20th anniversary. As scary as it is for him to believe it, it is before him. 20 years. Sometimes he does wonder how long he can continue doing this but he doesn't let the thought linger. He's doing fine. Still doing the things he's been doing since he was 17. With fewer happy-go-lucky songs and a little more maturity, but nonetheless, the business that deals out smiles for a hefty price.
His reflection tonight, though, is aged and tired and defeated, all of a sudden. He finally consciously wipes the anger and hurt off his face for fear of aggravating her again, and washes the rest of his fatigue away along with it.
Returning to the bedroom, he finds the queen sized bed still empty. He crosses to his side and ducks below the covers.
He stares at the door and waits.