[One-shot] Muse
Title: Muse
Author: shiroikazex
Pairing: Yabu x OC, Hikaru x OC, Yabu x Oshima Mai, guest appearances by Takaki, Yuto, SCANDAL and Maimai!
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG
Summary: AU. He was her muse for creation. Always has been, always will be. But when he finds another girl in his life something changed. Suddenly she lost her spark.
Note: I SHOULD MENTION AGAIN THAT IT IS AU hence SCANDAL isn't bigshot yet and is just a local band!! I don't suppose I can call this a bday/v-day fic anymore since it's 2 months late. But it was originally written for anakhai so I hope she (and the rest of you) enjoy~ It's...bloody long.
She stood in the doorway to her childhood friend's room, frowning at the small pile of chocolates that had formed on his table.
"How many this year?"
"Er, counting the box of 4 that the grocery store granny gave me, 17."
She shook her head and rolled her eyes with a sigh.
"What about you?"
"Are you asking for a fight?"
Yabu chuckled at her.
"Maybe if you ditched the combat boots and the torn leggings..."
"Hurry up, lazy ass, we're late for practice already."
Maya adjusted her knitted beanie as she waited impatiently behind her keyboard for the guys to return from their food break. Her band (Chaos Theory, she coined the classier name, since everything that the other members came up with involved sex in some way or another) was gathered in the spare storeroom behind the garage that Hikaru's brother-in-law ran.
At a long last, the others returned. Hikaru took up his position as bassist after throwing a small packet of chips in her direction.
"Yaotome, I told you I'm staying away from these."
"It's a ploy of his to fatten you up," Yuto, the drummer, commented with a snigger. "So that he can sell you all his home-made remedies that never work."
"Hey! I've gotten good feedback from the girls in my class, alright?"
"Come on, stop fooling around. Let's back to practice."
"Says the guy who initiated the half-hour food break and came back 15 minutes late," She snorted in the vocalist's direction. "Takaki, you're a pig. Anyway, I want to do the chorus of 'Goodbye, Haru' again because you can never catch the beat."
"I don't know, could we rearrange it a little?" Yuto scratched his head with his drumstick. "The beat is odd--"
"It's a work of composition genius--"
"--and the only one who can follow it is Yabu-kun."
She cast a glance at her childhood best friend, quietly tuning his guitar in the corner absentmindedly, and swallowed.
"That's just cos you guys aren't putting in enough effort. Come on. It's playable. We'll take it from the bridge..."
Maya really didn't think it was her fault that somehow Yabu was the one who could play every single song she wrote after looking through the score once or twice, and even ad libbing on his own. She liked to think that it was because he was an amazing guitarist.
But when she watched him she knew that it was more than that. He was her muse and she was meant to write songs for him to serenade people with. And she really couldn't care less about other people complaining about her pieces.
They were meant for Yabu anyway. And Yabu only.
They walked home together along the river that ran through their quiet town. The sun had long since sunk below the horizon, leaving only flickering streetlamps to illuminate the pavement.
She kicked at a stray can before picking it up and flinging it accurately into a nearby trash can.
"Score!"
He laughed at her antics and walked on forward with long strides.
"The chocolates today--anyone interesting?"
He shifted his guitar carrier on his shoulder, and shrugged.
"Not really? If Oshima counts as interesting..."
"Oshima Mai?! From Class A?!" She stopped in her tracks.
"Yeah, her."
"She is 'not interesting'?! What kind of standards do you have?"
"Weird ones, you said it yourself once," he yelled back over the blaring car horns as they ran across the road despite the oncoming headlights. "I'm just not interested."
She tried looking for words as she caught her breath after the quick run away from the angry drivers. Her thought process finally led somewhere as they neared their houses--her family's izakaya beside his family's okonomiyaki place.
"Don't you want a girlfriend though? Most guys do, don't they? Like, some sort of feminine presence beside them."
"Well... I have you, don't I?"
He pulled her beanie off, ruffled her messy head of jet black hair before throwing the woolen hat back in her face with a laugh.
"Your expression just now was epic. Anyway, see you. Try not to forget about your Math assignment this time, I don't think Katou-sensei is gonna forgive you..."
She watched as he disappeared into the side door without a single glance back at her. She then retreated to her room, drew the curtain in front of glass paneled door that led to the small balcony, from which it was exceptionally easy to do a jump over to his balcony. Her parents never seemed to have an issue with the fact that a boy could easily step over into her room. While she always found that strange, she was thankful for their trust. Through her curtains she saw the light come on in his room.
Enough of him for a day, she thought, stripping herself of her leather jacket and boots. Enough of his usual confusing words.
Three weeks later.
They had barely exited the school gate, when she stopped in her tracks. Yabu turned around and raised an eyebrow.
“I left my scorebook in class,” Maya explained. “I’ll go grab it-you head on first.”
“Mm.”
She threw her bag over one shoulder and pushed past the crowds of students back into their modest school building, darting up the stairs two steps at a time with the agility of a cat to the third storey. The corridor was quiet since most of the students had already left, and she wasn’t expecting to find Hikaru in the classroom when she entered.
“Oh-hey, why are you still here?”
He raised the broom in his hand.
“Someone has to do this since no one seems to follow the duty roster.”
“Wow, how long have you been doing this?”
He shrugged with a smile.
“For me to know, for you to find out.”
“Right,” she rolled her eyes and headed to her desk to retrieve her scorebook. “There we go-I have to help out at the shop today so I’m heading off first. Seriously Hikaru-stop being so nice to everyone. If you need help, just ask. I’m sure the class would love to help out, they love you.”
“Nah, I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye.”
When she jogged out of school, she caught sight of Yabu leaning against the wall that went round the school compound. He snapped his phone shut and slid it back into his pocket as she approached.
“Who was that?”
“No one,” he coughed with a straight face. “Just Tamamori asking about stuff. You got your book?”
“Yeah I told you to head off-”
“It’s fine, let’s go.”
It’s an hour before the end of their practice session when Yabu suddenly turned off his guitar, placed it back gently on the stand and picked up his bag to leave.
“I’ve got errands,” he explained with an apologetic nod when Takaki opened his mouth to ask. “Sorry, gotta run.”
He was out the door before the second syllable of his name left her mouth. She cursed at him softly under her breath, and ended up playing the rest of the song they were practicing a little more forcefully than necessary. She sensed Hikaru’s eyes on her but she ignored him like how she ignored the fact that she was butthurt Yabu didn’t tell her anything about it.
When practice ended, Yuto dashed out as he had a test the next day and Takaki left quickly too for dinner with his girlfriend. She helped Hikaru move their instruments into the corner, and was throwing her belongings into her own bag when a packet of strawberry milk appeared in sight.
“Thanks...”
“Wait, you do like this right? Or was it chocolate-”
“Strawberry,” she replied and jammed the straw into the drink packet.
“Don't be too mad at him, maybe he really is just busy today.”
“Who said I was angry?”
“Uh, your face?”
She punched him right in the middle but he caught her fist easily in his palm.
“Come on, I'll walk you home,” he offered with a smile. “We need to arrange something for the school festival anyway...”
When Yabu skipped out for the 4th practice in a fortnight though, she finally lost it and kicked his guitar after practice was over.
“Do you have any idea what he's up to?” She grumbled to Hikaru on her way home.
“Why don't you just ask him? Aren't you guys neighbours?”
She snorted.
“He obviously doesn't want me to know.”
“You just think that asking will make you look weak.”
“Shut up, Yaotome, before I break your bass too.”
“Sorry. Well maybe he has a girlfriend-”
She stopped dead in her tracks, and he looked at her quizzically.
“What?!”
“What?”
“A girlfriend?”
“Well, yeah, maybe. Heck you sounded like a jealous girlfriend just now when you were angry at him,” he laughed. “But we wouldn't know unless he told us right?”
“...Right.”
Maya bounded out of the classroom straight for the rooftop after the bell rang, stepping casually over the metal chain that blocked off the stairwell that led to the open area on the roof. The sun was gentle with the colors of spring finally beginning to show in the trees and flowers surrounding the school. She hopped over to a shaded spot near the water tanks and leaned against the wall there.
The wind picked up her growing locks, tossing them in her face-a rare experience as she usually kept her hair short and spiked. But they were growing out. She fingered the ends while chewing her onigiri, wondering how to style it now that it was longer. Something girly? Nah.
Suddenly from the stairwell came footsteps, and she barely had the time to duck behind the water tank when a giggling Oshima stepped into view, pulling along with her a tall, lanky, male with a head of dark brown hair by his hand.
Maya stopped chewing and swallowed-hard-as she watched her best friend pin Oshima against the wall and kiss her.
She had forgotten that she left her balcony door unlocked, until her headphones were yanked off her head from behind and she turned from her desk to face his abdomen.
“Where were you today?” He asked. “You didn't come for any of the afternoon lessons-and whoa your hair.”
She unconsciously rang her fingers through her spiked hair.
“You should have knocked.”
“I did-you didn't hear. And your balcony was unlocked anyway.”
“Still rude,” she grumbled and snatched her headphones from his hands. “I ditched. So what?”
He frowned and sat down on her bed against the opposite wall. “It's not a good habit.”
“It never was a habit. I ditched one afternoon of class, Yabu, it hardly counts as a habit.”
“Still... You ditched school to go to the salon.”
“Yeah.”
“I thought you were growing your hair out,” he shrugged. “I liked that length.”
“What I do with my hair is none of your business. Now get out-I have work to do.”
“Says the person who ditched.”
“Get out.”
She left home way before he usually woke up to avoid having to bump into him on the way to school the next day. There were a handful of bikes in the parking area when she arrived, and she spotted Hikaru's glossy black one amongst them. Needless to say he was clearing the blackboard when she walked in.
“Hey Maya-whoa.”
“Yeah, well,” she coughed and brushed at her hair again. “Decided to cut it in the end.”
“Weren't you growing it out? You mentioned you wanted to try having it long, right?”
“It got annoying,” she replied curtly and dumped her bag on her desk. He brushed chalk dust off his shirt and put his blazer back on before settling down in the seat in front of hers, and turning the chair around.
“You're... early.”
She fingered the edges of her battered scorebook quietly. He crossed his arms on the table and rested his chin on them, looking up at her with a sad excuse of a puppy dog face, but she couldn't resist a laugh.
“What is with that?!”
“Did something happen?” Hikaru pouted. “You're never this early.”
“Couldn't sleep.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Anyway, lend me your math homework? I should make up to Katou for skipping out yesterday...”
“Maya-”
“Shush, hurry up!”
The rest of the band was halfway through tuning when Yabu finally strode in.
“Sorry I'm late-” he said as he dropped his bag on the couch. “Um, and my girlfriend wanted to watch us practice.”
Takaki choked and Yuto's eyes widened as Yabu brought Oshima through the door. She introduced herself with a bright smile and settled on the couch beside his bag as he went to get his guitar.
When their eyes met, Maya dropped her gaze to the keys beneath her fingers in an instant. Her fingers trembled.
“Let's do 'Goodbye, Haru',” Yabu announced.
It was hard to ignore Oshima as much as Maya wanted to. Every time she looked up to coordinate with the rest of the band she'll see her sitting there, eyes fixated on Yabu and a look of utter adoration on her face. It wasn't long until she messed up her rift and the song came to a halt.
“Sorry,” she muttered with her head down. “Not in the best condition today. We can try that again.”
It sounds terrible, she thought as they went over the song again. It sounds too sad and too angry and her fingers wouldn't cooperate. She was playing her notes with emotions too heavy for the song. She could feel their eyes on her and it only served to irritate her more. But they survived and Oshima burst into applause.
When practice finally ended, the couple strode out with Yabu's arm protectively wrapped around Oshima's shoulders. It took all of Maya's self control and a little more to stop herself from doing things out of the ordinary.
“Wow,” Yuto breathed right after Yabu exited. “Yabu-kun's girlfriend is really pretty.”
“Really pretty is a understatement. She is the single most sought after girl in my level now,” Takaki explained. “How the hell?! I didn't hear anything about this.”
“He got chocolates from her on Valentine's.”
Takaki turned to Maya.
“Really?”
“He told me.”
“...Damn. Damn that Yabu, he always gets all the girls...”
She didn't know why she agreed the moment he asked, but she did, and as she stepped out of the door, he was already on his bike, waiting for her.
“Sorry,” she mumbled as she jogged to where he was. “My mom insisted on bentos because she said that the food at the amusement park is overpriced.”
“No problem, I love her cooking,” Hikaru replied with a grin. “You might want to hold on to something.”
“Um, what?”
“Y-You might want to hold on to something during the ride. Like, I don't know, my jacket,” He coughed.
She sat herself down on the backseat sideways and gingerly wrapped her arms around his waist, not quite knowing exactly where to hold on to without it being exceedingly awkward.
“Like that?”
“Y-Yeah. Ready?”
“Mm.”
They ditched the bike at the train station and hopped on the train for the better part of an hour, sharing her iPod on the way, listening with one earphone each and talking animatedly about the songs inside. The awkwardness from before dispelled slowly, because naturally that's what Hikaru did best. He was born with the ability to make people around him feel comfortable and special, she thought, as she choked herself with laughter at a comment he made about a vocalist of some band, earning them disapproving looks from the other commuters. But she couldn't care less at that moment. It felt good. It was easy to feel good around him.
At long last they reached the amusement park. The next few hours passed in a flurry as she stuffed herself full with candy and hotdogs, bentos long forgotten. He won her stuffed toys, she won him a miniature guitar at the shooting range. They made a crazy bet to enter the haunted house and came out huddled together, half laughing and half screaming. And she didn't notice till much later, when they had moved on to queue for the ferris wheel, that he hadn't let go of her hand since she grabbed on to his arm in the haunted house.
Her hand must have flinched unconsciously, for he turned to look down at her that instant.
“Is something wrong?”
“N-Nothing. How long more do we have to wait?”
He frowned at the queue in front of them before replying, “I'd say-if we get lucky-another 15mins or so.”
And with that all conversation was killed. Words stopped coming to her as they shuffled along the queue, his large hand encapsulating hers. The silence continued as they boarded the ferris wheel, and she retreated to a corner to stare out of the window. His hand found hers again and she let him entwine their fingers as the cabin ascended.
“You can see the TV tower from here,” he whispered right by her ear, and suddenly the atmosphere turned into something too heavy for her to handle. She turned, wanting to tell him off, but was stopped dead when she looked into his eyes barely inches away.
“H-Hikaru...”
He made no move to pull back, though his hand tightened around hers and he swallowed nervously.
“S-Sorry.”
“You're too close...”
“Can I kiss you?”
“T-This wasn't supposed to be a date, was it?”
He hesitated before closing the distance between them. She squeezed her eyes shut-out of nervousness or of fear she didn't know-and felt his lips on the corner of her mouth.
“It was. I hope you take it that way.”
They commute home in silence. When he woke her up when the train neared their station, she realized that she had been sleeping on his shoulder for the journey. She mumbled an apology and he led her out of the station to his bike by her hand. They got on, and she leaned against his back as he took the long route home, winding through the residential streets before finally stopping outside the izakaya. The sky was already dark and the lights from the windows were blazing. She hopped off his bike and faced him.
“Thanks for today, it was fun.”
“I'm glad,” He smiled. “Thanks for going out with me.”
“It really helped me take my mind off things.”
“So. Was today a date?”
She bit her lip, but he showed no intentions of letting the topic go until she replied.
“Yes.”
“Score,” Hikaru grinned and she felt the corners of her mouth lift too. “Do you want me to pick you up for school on Monday?”
“Yeah, thanks, that'll be nice,” she replied without thinking. He leaned forward on his bike and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek.
“Night. See you.”
She watched him cycle around the corner before turning to go home, instinctively glancing up at Yabu's window and catching sight of his shadow disappearing from sight. She kicked at a stray pebble and stormed home.
It wasn't every day that there were people waiting for her outside of the school gates, Maya reckoned, she didn't remember making any friends or enemies outside of school. She did, however, recognize the 4 girls waiting for her this time. They stepped up the moment she exited the school, much to the apprehension of her peers around her.
“You're Maya, the keyboardist from Chaos Theory, right?” One of the girls said.
“Yeah, I am. Who are you?”
“I'm Haruna. I'm the vocalist of SCANDAL,” the girl extended a hand. “This is the rest of the band. Tomomi on bass, Mami on guitar, and Rina on drums. We dropped by your band's gig last week.”
“Oh, thanks. What's this about?”
“Well, we are missing a keyboardist, and you are really good. Care to join us?”
Maya blinked.
“I don't know... I mean I already am in a band.”
The drummer bounded up to Maya with a sweet smile and grabbed her hands.
“Oh please join us, Maya-chan! It'll be fun to be in a all-girls band, don't you think?”
“I'm really grateful for the offer, but I wanna ask the guys first.”
“We understand,” Haruna smiled. “I'll leave you my email so you can tell me when you have decided.”
“T-Thanks.”
“See you around!”
The girls waved her goodbye and turned to head down the street. She stared after them curiously. Girly rockers. That could work.
The look on Yuto's face was of unmasked hurt and she could only cringe.
“It's not like I'm ditching you guys,” she explained. “They said I could double time. They're fine with it.”
“Yeah but we're not,” Takaki said, crossing his arms. “I don't think it'll work.”
“Takaki-I promise I'll sort out clashes and everything. It's a great chance for me.”
“I don't want you to overwork yourself though-” Hikaru frowned. “It sounds tiring.”
“It'll be fine. So it's settled. I might be late occasionally since their practice schedule isn't as solid as ours but I'll make it work. I promise.”
“Well... Yabu-kun?”
They looked towards the corner where Yabu had been sitting silently throughout the entire conversation. He had his phone clenched in his hand, and Maya knew that she was the only one in the room who could sense his impending outburst.
“It's okay, I'll ask him later. Can we get on with-”
She heard him getting up and the next moment he grabbed her by the arm and yanked her out of the room. She winced at the pain and stumbled behind him across the road where he finally let go.
“No.”
His words were ice, and the best way she could respond to that was with fire.
“Jeez thanks that's the first word I've heard you say to me in weeks. You are no in position to judge me. How many practices have you missed? Huh?”
“We started this band together. It's ours. You can't leave it. You can't leave me.”
“I never said I was leaving,” she snapped back at him. “And you're the one who's been neglecting us.”
“I never-”
“Ask anyone else and they'd tell you the same.”
“You're being irresponsible-”
“Like you're in any position to comment! You can't tell me that I should commit to the band when you've been snogging Oshima the entire time-”
“I've made my point clear!” He yelled and stepped up towards her, eyes ablaze. “I forbid you to join the other random band!”
“You can't tell me what to do!”
“Oh so if I got Hikaru here to tell you the same, you'd listen right?”
“What?! Leave him out of this!”
“No we can't, of course we can't, since he's your boyfriend you'd absolutely have to listen to what he has to say, right? And you never told me you were going out with him. I don't approve. Break up.”
“Fuck, Yabu,” She threw her hands up in defeat. “You never told me you were dating Oshima. And guess how I found out? I had to watch you eat her face on the rooftop of the school building. That's how I found out. You don't have a say in who I date, or what I do, because fuck you the moment you decided that Oshima was your girl I obviously didn't matter in your life anymore-”
She was cut off by his lips on hers, out of the middle of nowhere. His hands held her face in place as he attacked her lips. Too much fire. Everywhere. Something exploded in her there and then, unleashing all the pent up frustrations and desperation she held and she could only gasp for air, in the process giving him the chance to completely take over the situation.
Her fingers curled around the front of his shirt instinctively like all the times she had pictured in her head, but when she heard Hikaru yelling her name over the pounding in her head, her mind took over and she slapped Yabu across the face. Hard.
He stumbled back, clutching the reddening side of his cheek and looking at her with a mixture of anger and hurt and longing. But tears were clouding over her vision and she knew she had to get this out before she broke.
“Don't ever talk to me again. We're done.”
When she got home from school that day, there was a packet of strawberry milk on her balcony. It was their way of apologizing to each other after a fight. She touched a finger to her lips, suddenly recalling the sensation that she felt guilty to admit she craved for, and slammed her balcony door shut.
When he stepped out onto his balcony that night, he saw the packet of milk untouched on her balcony. The light in her room shone through the curtains and he could make out her silhouette by her desk.
What he couldn't see was that she had been at her desk for the past few hours, scribbling on her scorebook furiously with tears streaming down her face. It was the first time in years she was writing while crying. By the time she finished, she could hardly read what she wrote because of all the stains. But it was complete. She smiled through her tears as she read over her new song with puffy eyes. Her masterpiece.
Hikaru's surprise wasn't hard to spot when the door opened. She coughed.
“Sorry for showing up like this.”
“You could have called, I would have picked you up. What's up?”
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah sure...”
He led her up the winding stairs to his room jam packed with CDs and instruments. He shut the door behind them as she sat herself down on the floor by his bed.
“It's my second time in here,” she said suddenly, surveying the posters he had. “I really like your room.”
“T-Thanks?” He sat down beside her and took her hand in his. “What is this about?”
“Can't I visit you just because?”
He patted her on the head with a smile.
“You're not that kind of girl.”
“You're right. I do have stuff I want to ask.”
“Fire away.”
“Why aren't you angry?”
He raised an eyebrow quizzically.
“About?”
She looked away from his eyes.
“About me kissing Yabu.”
“...Well trust me I was. I would have punched him senseless if you hadn't slapped him.”
“I'm sorry.”
“Forget it, he'll get over it.”
“You're treating me like it never happened. How could you?”
“Of course I could,” he turned to her with a frown. “It's not your fault.”
“Would it be if I told you I kissed him back? If you hadn't called out to me I don't know what I would have done.”
His words failed him and she took a deep breath during the silence that followed.
“Hikaru I-”
“It wouldn't have changed anything. I knew you still liked him. It didn't bother me because you were still with me during that time. And...” he chuckled drily. “And it doesn't bother me now because you still responded when I called you. Which means you still care right?”
“I didn't-”
“Let me finish. And maybe when I finish you'll change your mind. I don't care if at the moment you still think the best of Yabu. Because I know you've loved him since forever and it hurts right now. But I also know that... I can treat you much better than he does. I'd never put you through that stuff he put you through. And I'd always be forgiving and understanding of what you're going through. Maybe after time you'd see that I'm a better match for you.”
“That's the problem, Hikaru. We're the same kind of people. We give and we don't take. It's making me guilty.”
“What is?”
“Your empathy,” she pulled her hands out from between his. “Your thing for forgiving people even though they have wronged you in the worst ways. I can't handle that if we're gonna be lovers. It was easier when we were friends.”
“But what about him?”
“When this... I don't know what to call it, crush? When it began, I thought he was just my muse. For writing songs, y'know, because I naturally write songs that I know he can play and know he can play well. But it changed. I'd like to think he's just my muse but that's not the case anymore. And after meeting you I realized... That's how my relationship works with him: I give and he takes. When he does give back it feels like a wonderful bonus. It's been like that since we were kids and I just never really noticed.”
“That's not healthy.”
“It's not. But it feels right. It feels right when I'm waiting on him. I hold a ton of grudges-against my parents, against old friends, but I could never hold one against him. Not even now.”
“...I could change that, y'know, the way you view yourself.”
She shook her head.
“It's not that I think I'm not good enough for him, or beneath him. It's that I feel like I'm supposed to be the one watching his back.”
“...Like how I feel about you.”
“You do that to everyone, Hikaru.”
“...May or may not be true.”
“I'm sorry. I really am.”
“I don't suppose you would ever change your mind?”
“No, probably not.”
“Can I kiss you? One last time?”
She tapped her cheek and he frowned.
“I'll never get the lips, will I?”
She shook her head with a hint of a smile. His lips lingered for a moment longer than they should have, but when he drew back he had his signature grin on.
“Well, 5 dates. My shortest record yet.”
“You're the Yaotome Hikaru of Class D. You have your own fanclub in school. How long would you take to find a new girl?”
“As long as it would take me to give up on you,” he chuckled at her expression. “Sorry, that was out of line. But I'll try. Should I try to get Oshima to fall in love with me instead?”
“Appealing idea, but that's mean.”
“It just might work.”
“You wish. Thanks by the way. For putting up with me.”
“You have practice soon right? Better hurry.”
“Yeah I should. Well. Bye. I'll see you in school.”
“Bye. Wait,” he asked just as she was exiting his room. “Friends?”
“Of course,” she replied with a smile and a peace sign. “Friends.”
Maybe she had overestimated herself when she said that she could take on the world. Barely a month after double timing with SCANDAL, she was called out by her teachers in school for missing out on assignments and doing badly on tests. Schedule clashes became more and more apparent, and neither band was happy with her performance or attendance. Lack of practice, they said. Lack of concentration. Not enough dedication. The only person who remotely understood and offered her support was Hikaru, who continued to take her home on his bike after practice because she would be too tired to walk by the end of the day. Yabu started missing practice more and more often too, and there was no mistaking the accusing tone in Takaki's voice when he mentioned it to her.
So when she felt her consciousness slipping away that hot summer afternoon on the track during PE, she let herself go. It was a desperate shot at taking a break after staying up for countless nights before practicing for two upcoming gigs and writing songs that never seem to be good enough for anyone anymore.
She woke up in the infirmary, groaning as her head spun. She sensed the presence of someone by the side of her bed.
“Hikaru...?”
“No,” a familiar voice replied. “It's me.”
“Why're you here?” She mumbled while covering her eyes with her hand to block out the light. “Leave me alone. I told you I never wanted to talk to you again.”
“You're talking to me now, idiot. Come on. I got us permission to skip afternoon classes. Can you stand?”
Turned out she didn't even need to stand. Yabu piggybacked her all the way out of the school building on his skinny back, ignoring the glances that their classmates were throwing at them. She pretended to still be in a state of confusion and fatigue to give herself a reason for closing her eyes and pretending that nothing was going on. They got to the bike shed and he set her on the backseat of his bike before climbing on.
“Hang on to me.”
She did, and he whizzed out of school at a dangerous speed that had her hanging on to him for dear life. It was a dizzying ride and by the time they reached the riverside, she had lost whatever strength that she had regained. He parked his bike, picked her up from the seat in a princess hold and set her down on the soft grass. He jogged back to his bike to grab his schoolbag before joining her. A packet of strawberry milk landed in her lap.
“So,” He began as stuck a straw into his coffee. “What happened?”
“I passed out in PE. Nothing big.”
“Stop doing this. You're killing yourself.”
“Stop doing what?”
“Handling two bands,” He snatched the packet from her and opened it before handing it back to her. “Drink up. You're worrying me.”
“I'm trying to prove myself here.”
She took a sip to wash her guilt away, and the sweet taste of strawberries exploded in her mouth, sending a wave of energy instantly through her body. It was her magic power-up, he knew too well.
“To whom?”
“To you. And the world. That I can do this, that music is for me.”
He barked out a laugh and laid down on the grass with his eyes closed.
“You're being stupid.”
“As if you're in any position to comment.”
“You don't need to prove anything to me. You're Nojima Maya. You're my girl. That means you're awesome.”
“Since when was I your girl? Your actual girlfriend is gonna get mad at you.”
“I have no girlfriend at the moment. And you were with me long before I even met Mai.”
“...Thanks for remembering.”
"You know she kind of reminds me of you. She's always going after what she wants stubbornly."
She didn't know how to respond, so she kept quiet and sipped her drink.
“Hikaru told me, by the way.”
She choked and stifled the cough that followed. She saw him opening up his eyes a tiny bit to look at her.
“T-Told you what?”
“Never mind.”
“...Are we going to pretend nothing ever happened?”
“If you want to.”
“You're not helping.”
He chuckled. “Last I heard you didn't mind.”
She set the empty milk packet down, and with a breath of determination, laid her head down on his chest.
“You just... pretend this never happened either.”
He freed a hand from under his head and draped his arm over her shoulders, holding her closer.
“As you wish. Am I forgiven?”
“What do you think?”
Her headphones were pulled unceremoniously from her head again and she turned around to snatch them back from Yabu.
“Stop doing that!”
He tossed them onto her bed and she winced as they hit the wall.
“What are you writing?”
“Another song for SCANDAL.”
“...What about us?”
She pointed to the thick stack of scores at the corner of her desk, noticeably much higher than the stack that she was working on. He picked them up and leafed through them with a smile.
“Not bad. These are good.”
“Of course they are, I wrote them. You can have them early to practice if you want.”
“It's okay, I always end up being able to play your songs anyway.”
“You're an egoistic brat, you are, Yabu.”
He shrugged and sat himself down by her bed. She went back to work but after a while of not hearing from him, she turned to find him snoozing with his head resting on her mattress. The black v-neck sweater he had on was pulled to reveal his collarbones and she found herself looking away in embarrassment.
Chill. He's your muse. Nothing else.
But the sound of his steady breathing drew her in. She tiptoed over quietly and squatted down beside him, taking in all of his features. The curve of his nose. The sharp angle of his jawline. The way the light that filtered through her curtains cast shadows from his eyelashes. And finally her eyes rested on his lips.
It was a snap decision. She tightened her hands into fists and leaned in with all the courage she could muster. The last thing she could expect was him kissing her back. His hand snaked behind her neck and she couldn't move at all when the tables were turned on her.
But she let him take over the control and have his way. Moments later he had her pinned beneath him on her bed, T-shirt half raised up her torso.
“Do you trust me?” He asked, short of breath. “Do you?”
She nodded.
“What are we?” She asked later as they sat cuddled against the wall. “What is this?”
“You tell me what this is. Hikaru told me you won't even let him touch you. And I just did all those... things to you and you didn't even budge. I don't know who I am to you, okay?”
He answered in one breath with an edge of frustration. She leaned in closer to his bare chest and listened to his heart beating for moments before responding.
“My best friend, I guess. Which is why I trust you. And my muse. You're the only one who can play my songs brilliant because unconsciously tailor them for you. Somewhere along the way, I mistook that for love, maybe.”
“You wouldn't have let me do what I just did if I'm just your best friend. Besides if I'm just your muse...” He lifted her chin up and kissed her slowly, deliberately, like he was pouring his heart out into her. “Did you feel anything?”
“...Yes,” she breathed.
“Then I'm not just your muse. You love me.”
“I don't-”
“I love you too, so shut up,” he kissed her again, this time with a hand against the small of her back to hold her closer to him.
“My mom's gonna install a lock on my balcony at this rate...”
“I'll go learn lock picking. I think Takaki knows how.”
Author: shiroikazex
Pairing: Yabu x OC, Hikaru x OC, Yabu x Oshima Mai, guest appearances by Takaki, Yuto, SCANDAL and Maimai!
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG
Summary: AU. He was her muse for creation. Always has been, always will be. But when he finds another girl in his life something changed. Suddenly she lost her spark.
Note: I SHOULD MENTION AGAIN THAT IT IS AU hence SCANDAL isn't bigshot yet and is just a local band!! I don't suppose I can call this a bday/v-day fic anymore since it's 2 months late. But it was originally written for anakhai so I hope she (and the rest of you) enjoy~ It's...bloody long.
She stood in the doorway to her childhood friend's room, frowning at the small pile of chocolates that had formed on his table.
"How many this year?"
"Er, counting the box of 4 that the grocery store granny gave me, 17."
She shook her head and rolled her eyes with a sigh.
"What about you?"
"Are you asking for a fight?"
Yabu chuckled at her.
"Maybe if you ditched the combat boots and the torn leggings..."
"Hurry up, lazy ass, we're late for practice already."
Maya adjusted her knitted beanie as she waited impatiently behind her keyboard for the guys to return from their food break. Her band (Chaos Theory, she coined the classier name, since everything that the other members came up with involved sex in some way or another) was gathered in the spare storeroom behind the garage that Hikaru's brother-in-law ran.
At a long last, the others returned. Hikaru took up his position as bassist after throwing a small packet of chips in her direction.
"Yaotome, I told you I'm staying away from these."
"It's a ploy of his to fatten you up," Yuto, the drummer, commented with a snigger. "So that he can sell you all his home-made remedies that never work."
"Hey! I've gotten good feedback from the girls in my class, alright?"
"Come on, stop fooling around. Let's back to practice."
"Says the guy who initiated the half-hour food break and came back 15 minutes late," She snorted in the vocalist's direction. "Takaki, you're a pig. Anyway, I want to do the chorus of 'Goodbye, Haru' again because you can never catch the beat."
"I don't know, could we rearrange it a little?" Yuto scratched his head with his drumstick. "The beat is odd--"
"It's a work of composition genius--"
"--and the only one who can follow it is Yabu-kun."
She cast a glance at her childhood best friend, quietly tuning his guitar in the corner absentmindedly, and swallowed.
"That's just cos you guys aren't putting in enough effort. Come on. It's playable. We'll take it from the bridge..."
Maya really didn't think it was her fault that somehow Yabu was the one who could play every single song she wrote after looking through the score once or twice, and even ad libbing on his own. She liked to think that it was because he was an amazing guitarist.
But when she watched him she knew that it was more than that. He was her muse and she was meant to write songs for him to serenade people with. And she really couldn't care less about other people complaining about her pieces.
They were meant for Yabu anyway. And Yabu only.
They walked home together along the river that ran through their quiet town. The sun had long since sunk below the horizon, leaving only flickering streetlamps to illuminate the pavement.
She kicked at a stray can before picking it up and flinging it accurately into a nearby trash can.
"Score!"
He laughed at her antics and walked on forward with long strides.
"The chocolates today--anyone interesting?"
He shifted his guitar carrier on his shoulder, and shrugged.
"Not really? If Oshima counts as interesting..."
"Oshima Mai?! From Class A?!" She stopped in her tracks.
"Yeah, her."
"She is 'not interesting'?! What kind of standards do you have?"
"Weird ones, you said it yourself once," he yelled back over the blaring car horns as they ran across the road despite the oncoming headlights. "I'm just not interested."
She tried looking for words as she caught her breath after the quick run away from the angry drivers. Her thought process finally led somewhere as they neared their houses--her family's izakaya beside his family's okonomiyaki place.
"Don't you want a girlfriend though? Most guys do, don't they? Like, some sort of feminine presence beside them."
"Well... I have you, don't I?"
He pulled her beanie off, ruffled her messy head of jet black hair before throwing the woolen hat back in her face with a laugh.
"Your expression just now was epic. Anyway, see you. Try not to forget about your Math assignment this time, I don't think Katou-sensei is gonna forgive you..."
She watched as he disappeared into the side door without a single glance back at her. She then retreated to her room, drew the curtain in front of glass paneled door that led to the small balcony, from which it was exceptionally easy to do a jump over to his balcony. Her parents never seemed to have an issue with the fact that a boy could easily step over into her room. While she always found that strange, she was thankful for their trust. Through her curtains she saw the light come on in his room.
Enough of him for a day, she thought, stripping herself of her leather jacket and boots. Enough of his usual confusing words.
Three weeks later.
They had barely exited the school gate, when she stopped in her tracks. Yabu turned around and raised an eyebrow.
“I left my scorebook in class,” Maya explained. “I’ll go grab it-you head on first.”
“Mm.”
She threw her bag over one shoulder and pushed past the crowds of students back into their modest school building, darting up the stairs two steps at a time with the agility of a cat to the third storey. The corridor was quiet since most of the students had already left, and she wasn’t expecting to find Hikaru in the classroom when she entered.
“Oh-hey, why are you still here?”
He raised the broom in his hand.
“Someone has to do this since no one seems to follow the duty roster.”
“Wow, how long have you been doing this?”
He shrugged with a smile.
“For me to know, for you to find out.”
“Right,” she rolled her eyes and headed to her desk to retrieve her scorebook. “There we go-I have to help out at the shop today so I’m heading off first. Seriously Hikaru-stop being so nice to everyone. If you need help, just ask. I’m sure the class would love to help out, they love you.”
“Nah, I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye.”
When she jogged out of school, she caught sight of Yabu leaning against the wall that went round the school compound. He snapped his phone shut and slid it back into his pocket as she approached.
“Who was that?”
“No one,” he coughed with a straight face. “Just Tamamori asking about stuff. You got your book?”
“Yeah I told you to head off-”
“It’s fine, let’s go.”
It’s an hour before the end of their practice session when Yabu suddenly turned off his guitar, placed it back gently on the stand and picked up his bag to leave.
“I’ve got errands,” he explained with an apologetic nod when Takaki opened his mouth to ask. “Sorry, gotta run.”
He was out the door before the second syllable of his name left her mouth. She cursed at him softly under her breath, and ended up playing the rest of the song they were practicing a little more forcefully than necessary. She sensed Hikaru’s eyes on her but she ignored him like how she ignored the fact that she was butthurt Yabu didn’t tell her anything about it.
When practice ended, Yuto dashed out as he had a test the next day and Takaki left quickly too for dinner with his girlfriend. She helped Hikaru move their instruments into the corner, and was throwing her belongings into her own bag when a packet of strawberry milk appeared in sight.
“Thanks...”
“Wait, you do like this right? Or was it chocolate-”
“Strawberry,” she replied and jammed the straw into the drink packet.
“Don't be too mad at him, maybe he really is just busy today.”
“Who said I was angry?”
“Uh, your face?”
She punched him right in the middle but he caught her fist easily in his palm.
“Come on, I'll walk you home,” he offered with a smile. “We need to arrange something for the school festival anyway...”
When Yabu skipped out for the 4th practice in a fortnight though, she finally lost it and kicked his guitar after practice was over.
“Do you have any idea what he's up to?” She grumbled to Hikaru on her way home.
“Why don't you just ask him? Aren't you guys neighbours?”
She snorted.
“He obviously doesn't want me to know.”
“You just think that asking will make you look weak.”
“Shut up, Yaotome, before I break your bass too.”
“Sorry. Well maybe he has a girlfriend-”
She stopped dead in her tracks, and he looked at her quizzically.
“What?!”
“What?”
“A girlfriend?”
“Well, yeah, maybe. Heck you sounded like a jealous girlfriend just now when you were angry at him,” he laughed. “But we wouldn't know unless he told us right?”
“...Right.”
Maya bounded out of the classroom straight for the rooftop after the bell rang, stepping casually over the metal chain that blocked off the stairwell that led to the open area on the roof. The sun was gentle with the colors of spring finally beginning to show in the trees and flowers surrounding the school. She hopped over to a shaded spot near the water tanks and leaned against the wall there.
The wind picked up her growing locks, tossing them in her face-a rare experience as she usually kept her hair short and spiked. But they were growing out. She fingered the ends while chewing her onigiri, wondering how to style it now that it was longer. Something girly? Nah.
Suddenly from the stairwell came footsteps, and she barely had the time to duck behind the water tank when a giggling Oshima stepped into view, pulling along with her a tall, lanky, male with a head of dark brown hair by his hand.
Maya stopped chewing and swallowed-hard-as she watched her best friend pin Oshima against the wall and kiss her.
She had forgotten that she left her balcony door unlocked, until her headphones were yanked off her head from behind and she turned from her desk to face his abdomen.
“Where were you today?” He asked. “You didn't come for any of the afternoon lessons-and whoa your hair.”
She unconsciously rang her fingers through her spiked hair.
“You should have knocked.”
“I did-you didn't hear. And your balcony was unlocked anyway.”
“Still rude,” she grumbled and snatched her headphones from his hands. “I ditched. So what?”
He frowned and sat down on her bed against the opposite wall. “It's not a good habit.”
“It never was a habit. I ditched one afternoon of class, Yabu, it hardly counts as a habit.”
“Still... You ditched school to go to the salon.”
“Yeah.”
“I thought you were growing your hair out,” he shrugged. “I liked that length.”
“What I do with my hair is none of your business. Now get out-I have work to do.”
“Says the person who ditched.”
“Get out.”
She left home way before he usually woke up to avoid having to bump into him on the way to school the next day. There were a handful of bikes in the parking area when she arrived, and she spotted Hikaru's glossy black one amongst them. Needless to say he was clearing the blackboard when she walked in.
“Hey Maya-whoa.”
“Yeah, well,” she coughed and brushed at her hair again. “Decided to cut it in the end.”
“Weren't you growing it out? You mentioned you wanted to try having it long, right?”
“It got annoying,” she replied curtly and dumped her bag on her desk. He brushed chalk dust off his shirt and put his blazer back on before settling down in the seat in front of hers, and turning the chair around.
“You're... early.”
She fingered the edges of her battered scorebook quietly. He crossed his arms on the table and rested his chin on them, looking up at her with a sad excuse of a puppy dog face, but she couldn't resist a laugh.
“What is with that?!”
“Did something happen?” Hikaru pouted. “You're never this early.”
“Couldn't sleep.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Anyway, lend me your math homework? I should make up to Katou for skipping out yesterday...”
“Maya-”
“Shush, hurry up!”
The rest of the band was halfway through tuning when Yabu finally strode in.
“Sorry I'm late-” he said as he dropped his bag on the couch. “Um, and my girlfriend wanted to watch us practice.”
Takaki choked and Yuto's eyes widened as Yabu brought Oshima through the door. She introduced herself with a bright smile and settled on the couch beside his bag as he went to get his guitar.
When their eyes met, Maya dropped her gaze to the keys beneath her fingers in an instant. Her fingers trembled.
“Let's do 'Goodbye, Haru',” Yabu announced.
It was hard to ignore Oshima as much as Maya wanted to. Every time she looked up to coordinate with the rest of the band she'll see her sitting there, eyes fixated on Yabu and a look of utter adoration on her face. It wasn't long until she messed up her rift and the song came to a halt.
“Sorry,” she muttered with her head down. “Not in the best condition today. We can try that again.”
It sounds terrible, she thought as they went over the song again. It sounds too sad and too angry and her fingers wouldn't cooperate. She was playing her notes with emotions too heavy for the song. She could feel their eyes on her and it only served to irritate her more. But they survived and Oshima burst into applause.
When practice finally ended, the couple strode out with Yabu's arm protectively wrapped around Oshima's shoulders. It took all of Maya's self control and a little more to stop herself from doing things out of the ordinary.
“Wow,” Yuto breathed right after Yabu exited. “Yabu-kun's girlfriend is really pretty.”
“Really pretty is a understatement. She is the single most sought after girl in my level now,” Takaki explained. “How the hell?! I didn't hear anything about this.”
“He got chocolates from her on Valentine's.”
Takaki turned to Maya.
“Really?”
“He told me.”
“...Damn. Damn that Yabu, he always gets all the girls...”
She didn't know why she agreed the moment he asked, but she did, and as she stepped out of the door, he was already on his bike, waiting for her.
“Sorry,” she mumbled as she jogged to where he was. “My mom insisted on bentos because she said that the food at the amusement park is overpriced.”
“No problem, I love her cooking,” Hikaru replied with a grin. “You might want to hold on to something.”
“Um, what?”
“Y-You might want to hold on to something during the ride. Like, I don't know, my jacket,” He coughed.
She sat herself down on the backseat sideways and gingerly wrapped her arms around his waist, not quite knowing exactly where to hold on to without it being exceedingly awkward.
“Like that?”
“Y-Yeah. Ready?”
“Mm.”
They ditched the bike at the train station and hopped on the train for the better part of an hour, sharing her iPod on the way, listening with one earphone each and talking animatedly about the songs inside. The awkwardness from before dispelled slowly, because naturally that's what Hikaru did best. He was born with the ability to make people around him feel comfortable and special, she thought, as she choked herself with laughter at a comment he made about a vocalist of some band, earning them disapproving looks from the other commuters. But she couldn't care less at that moment. It felt good. It was easy to feel good around him.
At long last they reached the amusement park. The next few hours passed in a flurry as she stuffed herself full with candy and hotdogs, bentos long forgotten. He won her stuffed toys, she won him a miniature guitar at the shooting range. They made a crazy bet to enter the haunted house and came out huddled together, half laughing and half screaming. And she didn't notice till much later, when they had moved on to queue for the ferris wheel, that he hadn't let go of her hand since she grabbed on to his arm in the haunted house.
Her hand must have flinched unconsciously, for he turned to look down at her that instant.
“Is something wrong?”
“N-Nothing. How long more do we have to wait?”
He frowned at the queue in front of them before replying, “I'd say-if we get lucky-another 15mins or so.”
And with that all conversation was killed. Words stopped coming to her as they shuffled along the queue, his large hand encapsulating hers. The silence continued as they boarded the ferris wheel, and she retreated to a corner to stare out of the window. His hand found hers again and she let him entwine their fingers as the cabin ascended.
“You can see the TV tower from here,” he whispered right by her ear, and suddenly the atmosphere turned into something too heavy for her to handle. She turned, wanting to tell him off, but was stopped dead when she looked into his eyes barely inches away.
“H-Hikaru...”
He made no move to pull back, though his hand tightened around hers and he swallowed nervously.
“S-Sorry.”
“You're too close...”
“Can I kiss you?”
“T-This wasn't supposed to be a date, was it?”
He hesitated before closing the distance between them. She squeezed her eyes shut-out of nervousness or of fear she didn't know-and felt his lips on the corner of her mouth.
“It was. I hope you take it that way.”
They commute home in silence. When he woke her up when the train neared their station, she realized that she had been sleeping on his shoulder for the journey. She mumbled an apology and he led her out of the station to his bike by her hand. They got on, and she leaned against his back as he took the long route home, winding through the residential streets before finally stopping outside the izakaya. The sky was already dark and the lights from the windows were blazing. She hopped off his bike and faced him.
“Thanks for today, it was fun.”
“I'm glad,” He smiled. “Thanks for going out with me.”
“It really helped me take my mind off things.”
“So. Was today a date?”
She bit her lip, but he showed no intentions of letting the topic go until she replied.
“Yes.”
“Score,” Hikaru grinned and she felt the corners of her mouth lift too. “Do you want me to pick you up for school on Monday?”
“Yeah, thanks, that'll be nice,” she replied without thinking. He leaned forward on his bike and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek.
“Night. See you.”
She watched him cycle around the corner before turning to go home, instinctively glancing up at Yabu's window and catching sight of his shadow disappearing from sight. She kicked at a stray pebble and stormed home.
It wasn't every day that there were people waiting for her outside of the school gates, Maya reckoned, she didn't remember making any friends or enemies outside of school. She did, however, recognize the 4 girls waiting for her this time. They stepped up the moment she exited the school, much to the apprehension of her peers around her.
“You're Maya, the keyboardist from Chaos Theory, right?” One of the girls said.
“Yeah, I am. Who are you?”
“I'm Haruna. I'm the vocalist of SCANDAL,” the girl extended a hand. “This is the rest of the band. Tomomi on bass, Mami on guitar, and Rina on drums. We dropped by your band's gig last week.”
“Oh, thanks. What's this about?”
“Well, we are missing a keyboardist, and you are really good. Care to join us?”
Maya blinked.
“I don't know... I mean I already am in a band.”
The drummer bounded up to Maya with a sweet smile and grabbed her hands.
“Oh please join us, Maya-chan! It'll be fun to be in a all-girls band, don't you think?”
“I'm really grateful for the offer, but I wanna ask the guys first.”
“We understand,” Haruna smiled. “I'll leave you my email so you can tell me when you have decided.”
“T-Thanks.”
“See you around!”
The girls waved her goodbye and turned to head down the street. She stared after them curiously. Girly rockers. That could work.
The look on Yuto's face was of unmasked hurt and she could only cringe.
“It's not like I'm ditching you guys,” she explained. “They said I could double time. They're fine with it.”
“Yeah but we're not,” Takaki said, crossing his arms. “I don't think it'll work.”
“Takaki-I promise I'll sort out clashes and everything. It's a great chance for me.”
“I don't want you to overwork yourself though-” Hikaru frowned. “It sounds tiring.”
“It'll be fine. So it's settled. I might be late occasionally since their practice schedule isn't as solid as ours but I'll make it work. I promise.”
“Well... Yabu-kun?”
They looked towards the corner where Yabu had been sitting silently throughout the entire conversation. He had his phone clenched in his hand, and Maya knew that she was the only one in the room who could sense his impending outburst.
“It's okay, I'll ask him later. Can we get on with-”
She heard him getting up and the next moment he grabbed her by the arm and yanked her out of the room. She winced at the pain and stumbled behind him across the road where he finally let go.
“No.”
His words were ice, and the best way she could respond to that was with fire.
“Jeez thanks that's the first word I've heard you say to me in weeks. You are no in position to judge me. How many practices have you missed? Huh?”
“We started this band together. It's ours. You can't leave it. You can't leave me.”
“I never said I was leaving,” she snapped back at him. “And you're the one who's been neglecting us.”
“I never-”
“Ask anyone else and they'd tell you the same.”
“You're being irresponsible-”
“Like you're in any position to comment! You can't tell me that I should commit to the band when you've been snogging Oshima the entire time-”
“I've made my point clear!” He yelled and stepped up towards her, eyes ablaze. “I forbid you to join the other random band!”
“You can't tell me what to do!”
“Oh so if I got Hikaru here to tell you the same, you'd listen right?”
“What?! Leave him out of this!”
“No we can't, of course we can't, since he's your boyfriend you'd absolutely have to listen to what he has to say, right? And you never told me you were going out with him. I don't approve. Break up.”
“Fuck, Yabu,” She threw her hands up in defeat. “You never told me you were dating Oshima. And guess how I found out? I had to watch you eat her face on the rooftop of the school building. That's how I found out. You don't have a say in who I date, or what I do, because fuck you the moment you decided that Oshima was your girl I obviously didn't matter in your life anymore-”
She was cut off by his lips on hers, out of the middle of nowhere. His hands held her face in place as he attacked her lips. Too much fire. Everywhere. Something exploded in her there and then, unleashing all the pent up frustrations and desperation she held and she could only gasp for air, in the process giving him the chance to completely take over the situation.
Her fingers curled around the front of his shirt instinctively like all the times she had pictured in her head, but when she heard Hikaru yelling her name over the pounding in her head, her mind took over and she slapped Yabu across the face. Hard.
He stumbled back, clutching the reddening side of his cheek and looking at her with a mixture of anger and hurt and longing. But tears were clouding over her vision and she knew she had to get this out before she broke.
“Don't ever talk to me again. We're done.”
When she got home from school that day, there was a packet of strawberry milk on her balcony. It was their way of apologizing to each other after a fight. She touched a finger to her lips, suddenly recalling the sensation that she felt guilty to admit she craved for, and slammed her balcony door shut.
When he stepped out onto his balcony that night, he saw the packet of milk untouched on her balcony. The light in her room shone through the curtains and he could make out her silhouette by her desk.
What he couldn't see was that she had been at her desk for the past few hours, scribbling on her scorebook furiously with tears streaming down her face. It was the first time in years she was writing while crying. By the time she finished, she could hardly read what she wrote because of all the stains. But it was complete. She smiled through her tears as she read over her new song with puffy eyes. Her masterpiece.
Hikaru's surprise wasn't hard to spot when the door opened. She coughed.
“Sorry for showing up like this.”
“You could have called, I would have picked you up. What's up?”
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah sure...”
He led her up the winding stairs to his room jam packed with CDs and instruments. He shut the door behind them as she sat herself down on the floor by his bed.
“It's my second time in here,” she said suddenly, surveying the posters he had. “I really like your room.”
“T-Thanks?” He sat down beside her and took her hand in his. “What is this about?”
“Can't I visit you just because?”
He patted her on the head with a smile.
“You're not that kind of girl.”
“You're right. I do have stuff I want to ask.”
“Fire away.”
“Why aren't you angry?”
He raised an eyebrow quizzically.
“About?”
She looked away from his eyes.
“About me kissing Yabu.”
“...Well trust me I was. I would have punched him senseless if you hadn't slapped him.”
“I'm sorry.”
“Forget it, he'll get over it.”
“You're treating me like it never happened. How could you?”
“Of course I could,” he turned to her with a frown. “It's not your fault.”
“Would it be if I told you I kissed him back? If you hadn't called out to me I don't know what I would have done.”
His words failed him and she took a deep breath during the silence that followed.
“Hikaru I-”
“It wouldn't have changed anything. I knew you still liked him. It didn't bother me because you were still with me during that time. And...” he chuckled drily. “And it doesn't bother me now because you still responded when I called you. Which means you still care right?”
“I didn't-”
“Let me finish. And maybe when I finish you'll change your mind. I don't care if at the moment you still think the best of Yabu. Because I know you've loved him since forever and it hurts right now. But I also know that... I can treat you much better than he does. I'd never put you through that stuff he put you through. And I'd always be forgiving and understanding of what you're going through. Maybe after time you'd see that I'm a better match for you.”
“That's the problem, Hikaru. We're the same kind of people. We give and we don't take. It's making me guilty.”
“What is?”
“Your empathy,” she pulled her hands out from between his. “Your thing for forgiving people even though they have wronged you in the worst ways. I can't handle that if we're gonna be lovers. It was easier when we were friends.”
“But what about him?”
“When this... I don't know what to call it, crush? When it began, I thought he was just my muse. For writing songs, y'know, because I naturally write songs that I know he can play and know he can play well. But it changed. I'd like to think he's just my muse but that's not the case anymore. And after meeting you I realized... That's how my relationship works with him: I give and he takes. When he does give back it feels like a wonderful bonus. It's been like that since we were kids and I just never really noticed.”
“That's not healthy.”
“It's not. But it feels right. It feels right when I'm waiting on him. I hold a ton of grudges-against my parents, against old friends, but I could never hold one against him. Not even now.”
“...I could change that, y'know, the way you view yourself.”
She shook her head.
“It's not that I think I'm not good enough for him, or beneath him. It's that I feel like I'm supposed to be the one watching his back.”
“...Like how I feel about you.”
“You do that to everyone, Hikaru.”
“...May or may not be true.”
“I'm sorry. I really am.”
“I don't suppose you would ever change your mind?”
“No, probably not.”
“Can I kiss you? One last time?”
She tapped her cheek and he frowned.
“I'll never get the lips, will I?”
She shook her head with a hint of a smile. His lips lingered for a moment longer than they should have, but when he drew back he had his signature grin on.
“Well, 5 dates. My shortest record yet.”
“You're the Yaotome Hikaru of Class D. You have your own fanclub in school. How long would you take to find a new girl?”
“As long as it would take me to give up on you,” he chuckled at her expression. “Sorry, that was out of line. But I'll try. Should I try to get Oshima to fall in love with me instead?”
“Appealing idea, but that's mean.”
“It just might work.”
“You wish. Thanks by the way. For putting up with me.”
“You have practice soon right? Better hurry.”
“Yeah I should. Well. Bye. I'll see you in school.”
“Bye. Wait,” he asked just as she was exiting his room. “Friends?”
“Of course,” she replied with a smile and a peace sign. “Friends.”
Maybe she had overestimated herself when she said that she could take on the world. Barely a month after double timing with SCANDAL, she was called out by her teachers in school for missing out on assignments and doing badly on tests. Schedule clashes became more and more apparent, and neither band was happy with her performance or attendance. Lack of practice, they said. Lack of concentration. Not enough dedication. The only person who remotely understood and offered her support was Hikaru, who continued to take her home on his bike after practice because she would be too tired to walk by the end of the day. Yabu started missing practice more and more often too, and there was no mistaking the accusing tone in Takaki's voice when he mentioned it to her.
So when she felt her consciousness slipping away that hot summer afternoon on the track during PE, she let herself go. It was a desperate shot at taking a break after staying up for countless nights before practicing for two upcoming gigs and writing songs that never seem to be good enough for anyone anymore.
She woke up in the infirmary, groaning as her head spun. She sensed the presence of someone by the side of her bed.
“Hikaru...?”
“No,” a familiar voice replied. “It's me.”
“Why're you here?” She mumbled while covering her eyes with her hand to block out the light. “Leave me alone. I told you I never wanted to talk to you again.”
“You're talking to me now, idiot. Come on. I got us permission to skip afternoon classes. Can you stand?”
Turned out she didn't even need to stand. Yabu piggybacked her all the way out of the school building on his skinny back, ignoring the glances that their classmates were throwing at them. She pretended to still be in a state of confusion and fatigue to give herself a reason for closing her eyes and pretending that nothing was going on. They got to the bike shed and he set her on the backseat of his bike before climbing on.
“Hang on to me.”
She did, and he whizzed out of school at a dangerous speed that had her hanging on to him for dear life. It was a dizzying ride and by the time they reached the riverside, she had lost whatever strength that she had regained. He parked his bike, picked her up from the seat in a princess hold and set her down on the soft grass. He jogged back to his bike to grab his schoolbag before joining her. A packet of strawberry milk landed in her lap.
“So,” He began as stuck a straw into his coffee. “What happened?”
“I passed out in PE. Nothing big.”
“Stop doing this. You're killing yourself.”
“Stop doing what?”
“Handling two bands,” He snatched the packet from her and opened it before handing it back to her. “Drink up. You're worrying me.”
“I'm trying to prove myself here.”
She took a sip to wash her guilt away, and the sweet taste of strawberries exploded in her mouth, sending a wave of energy instantly through her body. It was her magic power-up, he knew too well.
“To whom?”
“To you. And the world. That I can do this, that music is for me.”
He barked out a laugh and laid down on the grass with his eyes closed.
“You're being stupid.”
“As if you're in any position to comment.”
“You don't need to prove anything to me. You're Nojima Maya. You're my girl. That means you're awesome.”
“Since when was I your girl? Your actual girlfriend is gonna get mad at you.”
“I have no girlfriend at the moment. And you were with me long before I even met Mai.”
“...Thanks for remembering.”
"You know she kind of reminds me of you. She's always going after what she wants stubbornly."
She didn't know how to respond, so she kept quiet and sipped her drink.
“Hikaru told me, by the way.”
She choked and stifled the cough that followed. She saw him opening up his eyes a tiny bit to look at her.
“T-Told you what?”
“Never mind.”
“...Are we going to pretend nothing ever happened?”
“If you want to.”
“You're not helping.”
He chuckled. “Last I heard you didn't mind.”
She set the empty milk packet down, and with a breath of determination, laid her head down on his chest.
“You just... pretend this never happened either.”
He freed a hand from under his head and draped his arm over her shoulders, holding her closer.
“As you wish. Am I forgiven?”
“What do you think?”
Her headphones were pulled unceremoniously from her head again and she turned around to snatch them back from Yabu.
“Stop doing that!”
He tossed them onto her bed and she winced as they hit the wall.
“What are you writing?”
“Another song for SCANDAL.”
“...What about us?”
She pointed to the thick stack of scores at the corner of her desk, noticeably much higher than the stack that she was working on. He picked them up and leafed through them with a smile.
“Not bad. These are good.”
“Of course they are, I wrote them. You can have them early to practice if you want.”
“It's okay, I always end up being able to play your songs anyway.”
“You're an egoistic brat, you are, Yabu.”
He shrugged and sat himself down by her bed. She went back to work but after a while of not hearing from him, she turned to find him snoozing with his head resting on her mattress. The black v-neck sweater he had on was pulled to reveal his collarbones and she found herself looking away in embarrassment.
Chill. He's your muse. Nothing else.
But the sound of his steady breathing drew her in. She tiptoed over quietly and squatted down beside him, taking in all of his features. The curve of his nose. The sharp angle of his jawline. The way the light that filtered through her curtains cast shadows from his eyelashes. And finally her eyes rested on his lips.
It was a snap decision. She tightened her hands into fists and leaned in with all the courage she could muster. The last thing she could expect was him kissing her back. His hand snaked behind her neck and she couldn't move at all when the tables were turned on her.
But she let him take over the control and have his way. Moments later he had her pinned beneath him on her bed, T-shirt half raised up her torso.
“Do you trust me?” He asked, short of breath. “Do you?”
She nodded.
“What are we?” She asked later as they sat cuddled against the wall. “What is this?”
“You tell me what this is. Hikaru told me you won't even let him touch you. And I just did all those... things to you and you didn't even budge. I don't know who I am to you, okay?”
He answered in one breath with an edge of frustration. She leaned in closer to his bare chest and listened to his heart beating for moments before responding.
“My best friend, I guess. Which is why I trust you. And my muse. You're the only one who can play my songs brilliant because unconsciously tailor them for you. Somewhere along the way, I mistook that for love, maybe.”
“You wouldn't have let me do what I just did if I'm just your best friend. Besides if I'm just your muse...” He lifted her chin up and kissed her slowly, deliberately, like he was pouring his heart out into her. “Did you feel anything?”
“...Yes,” she breathed.
“Then I'm not just your muse. You love me.”
“I don't-”
“I love you too, so shut up,” he kissed her again, this time with a hand against the small of her back to hold her closer to him.
“My mom's gonna install a lock on my balcony at this rate...”
“I'll go learn lock picking. I think Takaki knows how.”