MOTIVATED MOTIVATED DOWNRIGHT DEDICATED! YOU CAN CHECK US OUT! YOU CAN CHECK US OUT! HOOYA! HOOYA!

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I keep having these terrible moments where I miss being in the Navy more than anything, and I would give anything to get back in. For a while there, I had some self-esteem. I mean, even when I was failing in ET A, I still could go out on the weekends and give something more than a fake smile. I was doing something, contributing, making my whole existence have a point. Realistically, I know I couldn't handle it, I was terrible once I got to IT A. But for awhile there, even when things weren't okay, I was okay. I was so excited and nervous about going out to sea and living in onbase housing with Justin and just... having worth. I try not to think about it, because there's nothing to be done about it, but sometimes...

I miss Blackwell like crazy. He really was a great friend. I miss the random ways he'd stand up to me, like telling me I'm overreacting and stuff.

I'm so tired of my allergies. I have this slight cough from everything dripping down my throat and my nose burns and is full of Christmas boogeys.