(no subject)

Aug 09, 2009 22:19

So, after reading Lindsey's comment and Amanda's message to me, I'm shocked. I mean, this is a journal, right? When I get upset, I try to write it here to get it out of me.

I'm not always upset. I am a lot of the time. I have mood swings that are damn near impossible to time or watch or get over. I try to hold things together, but I lose it a lot. We finally gave up on waiting for the VA to put their shit together, and so I'm going to a psychiatrist now. I've only been once thus far, and she seems to understand the things I'm trying to explain even though I don't have the right words for it. Her words like 'psychotic episodes' and 'abandonment issues' scare me, but at the same time, she's taking me seriously. I'm on mood stabilizers now, I haven't noticed any difference but if her instructions on how to take them are any basis, then they'll take a good month or more to work.

As for my hips, physical therapy seems to be working. I'm able to stand and walk longer. I just hope they won't dismiss me before I'm ready to run, because I really don't wanna have to go through this a third time.

Sarah surprises me sometimes. She's always had a hard time understanding my depression because she doesn't have it and is generally a happy person, but man she's like a pit bull for being faithful and standing up to me.

Justin and Rob and fuck, even my own mother tells me to let go and move on. I'm not one for letting go. Holding onto things and crying over them all the time is so much easier for me. But after all of this, especially when I invite Lindsey to go out and we have a "good" time and then I don't hear from her again any more than a bridal shower/wedding invitation, they're right. I am done. They haven't seen me for months, fuck, maybe three times over the last three years. They don't have the right to tell me who I am and what I do wrong.

tl;dr - Fuck off.
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